Tuesday, July 21, 2009

I Forgot to Tell You Something Last Easter...

As I mentioned, we went to church for the first time in over a year last Sunday.

The children pointed at the stained glass windows in recognition and elatedly remarked,

"Joseph, Mary and Baby Jesus!"

[They know all about Joseph, Mary and Baby Jesus because we routinely pass a ceramic, household Garden Mary forever praying over the sad state of the zoysia and, at Christmas time, there is a giant, plastic, light-up creche two doors down.]

The Mayor, my most earnest child, concentrated fervently throughout the mass, trying with all his soul to understand the meaning of the service.

As usual, he asked a lot of questions.

[Which would be less of an issue if he didn't speak in ALL CAPS.]

"WHO'S THE GUY IN THE ROBE?" he yelled.

[That would be the Priest.]

"WHAT ARE THOSE KIDS DOING UP THERE ON STAGE?"

[Alter girls...]

"WHAT IS THE PRIEST HOLDING UP AND BREAKING?"

[Bread. The body of Christ.]

"WHAT? HIS BODY? WELL... I'M HUNGRY."

During a particularly quiet moment, when the parish was deep in silent prayer, a look of realization and then alarm, spread across The Mayor's face.

He turned to us, his eye as wide as saucers.

"DID JESUS DIE?!!!?!" he asked, incredulous.

The Rooster looked concerned.

"JESUS DIED?!! she cried.

All the parishioners turned in their seats to face us.

29 comments:

Kaleanani said...

Oh wow, that is too funny. Seriously. I can just picture the whole scene. ;)

joie said...

I am a priest and just wish parents would bring their kids to church. I would LOVE to hear this conversation!!!

TRS said...

Oh it's so sad they don't already know this.

I can't imagine what it must be like for little kids to come to these realizations on their own - sort of traumatic - rather than just knowing it because it's been explained over and over already.

I'm so glad you took them to Mass at Mayor's request. That's really beautiful.

flutter said...

I would have HAD to have giggled

LiteralDan said...

Ahhh, the pain is new again... just wait till they fully grasp all the details!

Cat said...

Thanks for starting my day off with a laugh!

phenry said...

I'm raising my children in the catholic faith on my own, starting with my son. At mass, he often asks questions either in a normal voice or a shouted whisper (neither of which is quiet). I've had several of those moments of embarrassment. One was when the priest held up the host and my son asked "Is that a cookie?". On another occasion, my son was concerned that he had missed something, and, in a shouted whisper asked "Did he eat it yet?" I've come to realize that his behavior is completely normal (although sometimes embarrassing).

WILLIAM said...

Mathew- 19:14-

But Jesus said-"Let the short loud people come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these short loud people."

WaltzInExile said...

This could be a really good part-time gig for you, if you think about it. You just have to take other people's children to church the first couple of times, since you've already had to do the cringing part, and they get spared the embarrassment and you get paid and the kids learn some basic facts about Jesus (including the whole dead thing.) WIN-WIN-WIN all the way 'round!

deb said...

Too funny.

Kyla said...

THAT is hilarious! So so soooo funny.

Minnie said...

Too sweet. I love those kinds of stories.

I'm Catholic, and roared at the "What? His Body? Well... I'm Hungry."

Thanks for making me laugh today.

BOSSY said...

Bossy's son used to call what's-his-name The Baby Justice. It was too cute to correct, even if apparent that Bossy's son didn't know much about religion.

Twisted Cinderella said...

I would have giggled.

Kim said...

We are Catholic, too, and although my kids have been to Mass more Sundays than not, they are now at 4 and 6 getting to an age where they are actually listening to what is being said.

A couple of months ago during church my 4 year old, B, heard the priest say, "Take this cup and drink from it, this is my blood"..... you know the rest. Right there, in church, my very apprehensive son started declaring...."BLOOD? I WILL NOT DRINK BLOOD? (worrying) I WILL NOT DRINK BLOOD!" I assured him that he wouldn't be ready for first communion until second grade and to not worry about it.

His declarations took on an even more urgent tone......as if we hadn't understood that regardless of timeline, he was, in fact, NOT DRINKING THE BLOOD.

I feel years of counseling coming on.

feefifoto said...

When my sister and I were 4 and 5 our parents took us to a fancy restaurant in Miami and the waiter persuaded them to order us duck. We were very excited, until they brought our dinner and we began screaming, "DID YOU KILL THAT POOR DUCK!!??"

I think we settled for burgers that night.

Miss Ash said...

I almost had the water I was drinking just now come out of my nose.

*giggle*

Patois said...

Hi-freakin-larious.

It's like MAGIC -- which just so happens to be your verication word right now.

Anonymous said...

This is great --

My son's version of the Lord's prayer is "give us this day our daily breath" I know I have to correct him but somehow haven't managed to yet . . .

When I was 3 I was very upset taht my friend didn't come to church with us, my mom explained that she wasn't Catholic and that she had her own church etc. I apparently spent the whole mass thinking about it and just at the consecration when everything was completely silent said so the whole church heard "Jenny Goldberg is too Catholic" My mother said "yes dear."

Woman with kids said...

I love when kids 'whisper' in all caps... I believe that's the only volume level my kids have when inside. At my grandmother's funeral, my youngest son 'whispered', "Wait, she's dead in there? Ew!" It was a heartfelt moment.

NotSoSage said...

Ha!

Recently, while walking past the church at the end of our block (which is the closest any of us have gotten to a church in years), she asked, "Mama, when you see that cross, does it remind you of Jesus?"

Yes, dear, every time.

(And my word verification is ressess.)

annie w. said...

LOVE it! Oh, the trauma!
We were at a Christening, and at communion time, my then 3 y/o son asked me what the priest had in his hand.
Without really thinking about it, I said 'a piece of Jesus'. He then shouts, 'I WANT A PIECE OF CHEESE, TOO!!!'. Oh my. I still smile at that memory.

Keep the great escapades coming!

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M&Co. said...

When my daughter was in about the second or third grade we went to one of the Easter services (Holy Thursday, Good Friday and Easter Vigil) with her and a classmate. At one point her friend looked at me, with big tears in her eyes, and said, "HE'S DEAD?!? THEY KILLED HIM?!?" and proceeded to wail. I thought at the time she must not have been paying much attention in religion class if she didn't know the outcome of this story.

thatgirlblogs said...

"No, he just went out for pizza. He'll be back."

Just offering some of my most excellent parenting skillz. No charge.

Mimi said...

Oh Lordy. Raised Catholic myself, I know that iconography is all about bleeding suffering man Jesus. Are there oil painting depictions of the stations of the cross hung all along the length of your church. That's some pretty grim stuff. Catholics. All about fun.

crafts said...

It is a real fun.. I have just gone through the post and while reading i was really enjoying it.. Its so so so funny one!!

ToddlercraftsSusan said...

I like to read this one. It's creepy and funny. I look forward to having your next story. Thanks. Toddler Crafts Susan.

Marjorie said...

Seeing things that we all take so for granted through the eyes of a child is so amazing...

Really, that story of Jesus dying would be incredibly upsetting for a child, or even the fact that he is, indeed, dead. She's right to freak out a little like that!