Saturday, December 20, 2008

Poker Face

"We make an incision around the rear curve of the ear, then we lift the ear up and operate."
I hardened my face by biting the inside of my lip and nodded.
"The ear drum we've been following has retracted into the small bones of the middle ear where we can't see it. It's time to perform a Tympanoplasty."
The doctor handed me a stack of paper describing the condition and the procedure.

Since infancy, The Mayor has suffered through countless ear aches and he had ear tubes surgically inserted at thirteen months.

Now this.

The otolaryngologist eyed me suspiciously.

Outwardly I must have appeared docile as a cow, slow and uncomprehending.

Maybe he wanted me to react, maybe he was expecting me to have a million questions.

Maybe he was expecting me to break into tears.

I was simply trying not to.

The day after Christmas, The Mayor has to lie perfectly still for a 6:30 a.m. CAT scan.

On New Year's Eve, we'll discuss the "surgical strategy" with his doctor.

"This is treatable," I keep telling myself. "Count your blessings."
Still, the mother instinct is so amazingly strong... I really don't want to do this. I want to demand they operate on my ear instead.

34 comments:

John Ross said...

Simpathetic, comforting thoughts and wishes for you and kiddo. I know that has to be a hard thing. Not at all what you want to be dealing with on the holidays.

I hope you all have a good Christmas, regardless and in spite of bad med stuff.

I know bad kid med stuff is hard.

Like you said, it's treatable, so that's a good thing - I know, it doesn't help that much with the emotional stuff ....but, you can do this. onward through that fog.

Anonymous said...

Oh Jessica! My heart goes out to all of you. I was just talking to Vic and she mentioned today's post. You have me conditioned to not expect one on the weekend. Poor Mayor. Tell him Grandma Seattle knows how big and brave he can be. And yes, thank goodness it is treatable and I wish none of you had to deal with any health issue other than an abundance of good health. Love, Mom

Carroll said...

Oh, the number of times we mothers only wish it could be us not our kids who have to suffer. But y'know? Pediatric medicine today is such that The Mayor will ultimately have a wonderful story of grand adventure to tell his buddies. Seriously, he will be fine, so you will too. In the meantime, hang in there. If all goes well, this is definitely one of the ones that will be far worse during the anticipation stage than during the recovery!

Nadine said...

I'm sorry! That must be hard. My 11 month old had a tiny little (like almost invisible) cut in her finger. I felt so sorry for her. I can't imagine how you must feel. Though I'm sure he'll be just fine.

Jennifer said...

He's had his share of medical crap this past year, huh?

It's an out-patient procedure? That's good.
The having to be still for the cat scan will be tough, but I'm sure you'll think of something fun for him to concentrate on during that.
Take care. We'll be thinking of you and your boy.

Little Nut Tree said...

oh honey :(

what a shitty thing. So sorry for The Mayor - and for you - I know what you mean, it is treatable but everything is relative. For you guys this is major and I don't blame you one bit for being frightened.


He'll be fine x

Annie said...

I understand those feelings well. As a mom you hurt so much to think of your kid having to endure anything like this.

I've been through a lot with my kid and his ears - and he's had many sedated procedures (his CAT was sedated) - he came through them all like a champ.

The Mayor will too.

nikki said...

I've seen my son turn blue due to his asthma, he's been tubed twice and had to go back under to remove a tube that slipped into his ear drum. Each and every time I begged for it to be me instead. This parenting thing is never easy. In the end I think the kids alwasy fair better than the parents. Good luck.

Sayre said...

I feel for you. My son had to have a circumcision (at age 5) during the Christmas break and a year later, tonsils, adnoids and ear tubes done - again at Christmas break.

You would think that with all the awful stuff we seem to do to him at Christmas time that he'd be dreading it, but he adores Christmas.

Mayor will get over it - and you will too. Think good, positive thoughts about the procedure because Mayor will pick up on your fears.

Ree said...

Oh honey. {{hugs}} for you AND Mr. Rooster. You'll both do fine - but in the meantime, feel free to wring your hands and twist your handkerchief. ;-)

Omaha Mama said...

Aw. I'm sorry for this. Our little guy had surgery on the day after Christmas last year, at the ripe ol' age of one. I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this. Hopefully it will be handled with perfection and Mayor's ear issues will end.

Mrs. Schmitty said...

Oh, the poor little mayor! Surgery is always harder on the mom than the child. But I understand your concern and know what you mean about having the operation instead.

Hang tough momma....he'll be just fine!

jess said...

Oh, poor Mayor!!

Poor mama!!

You'll all be in my prayers.

Help the boy make up some grand improbable tale to tell people later in life about how he got the mysterious scar behind the ear. "Ear ninja attack from behind!!"

Stella said...

I'm so sorry. It's so hard isn't it?

My son was born deaf and began with ear infections at 6 weeks (he didn't leave the house until he was 9 weeks old). He had his first surgery at 15 months and his second at 3 years old. They worked wonderfully but my God, if I could have I would cut my own ears off and handed them to the doctor rather than see him suffer as he did!

It's just so hard. We want them to be ok but we don't want them to hurt in the process.

You are all in my thoughts. It's terribly hard but it is so worth it when it works- and it will work!!

Mayberry said...

I'm so sorry! My daughter had surgery this summer (appendectomy) and it was tough on all of us. But I'll tell you what: She actually kind of liked the CT scanner. She called it "the donut machine"!

Best wishes to the Mayor and you.

Trannyhead said...

Poor thing.

Hang in there, Mommy.

Karen said...

I'm sorry to hear about the Mayor's problems. It's always hard to be sick when you're a kid. Poor baby!

carrie said...

I know.

Oh how I know and understand, and can recall that pre-surgery feeling so many years later.

I echo that it is harder on the moms.

Vodka Mom said...

all will be well. Sassy and Golden Boy had many problems with ear stuff. Several surgeries, etc., and now all is well. Except that they are VERY DAMN loud.

mo.stoneskin said...

I'm sure you didn't look "docile as a cow, slow and uncomprehending."

Hope it all works out ok. Poor little Mayor.

lildb said...

just here, wishing i could help, somehow. just loving all over your strong, beautiful momminess.

xoxoxoxoxo deb

Dory said...

My heart aches for you and your Mayor. Take care of yourselves.

Dory

BOSSY said...

Aw, honey. Sweet hugs from afar.

Laura said...

Aw - poor little guy - and poor Mommy. Surgery is never ever fun for anyone.

sending lots of hugs and support. Trust the doctors. Ensure his hearing will be OK. And try to be strong.

Angela said...

I know exactly how you feel, the pain and tears that our children have to go through, as parents we would take their place in a heartbeat if it meant they didn't have to suffer. Yes, it IS treatable, and you're right to count your blessings, but it doesn't make it any less difficult to endure and it still sucks. Sending good thoughts that everything goes very smoothly and quickly with the minimum of pain.

3carnations said...

The day after Christmas? Poor little guy. Hope all goes well. We would all like to take on whatever ails our children, rather than them suffer through it.

ms. changes pants while driving said...

a friend of mine's son went through this. he's fine. the pre-surgery time is the hard part. the knowing and the worrying and the what ifs are what's hard.

they do surgeries like this all the time. and i know you know that and the fact that his little body is the one laying there is what's unbearable.

but it is bearable. you will get through this, and so will he.

and think of all the pain he WON'T be in once this is done.

Leah said...

My heart and prayers go out to you and little Mayor.

Sugarplum's Mom said...

hugs to you mama. Sugarplum had heart surgery in May.. I think the anticipation leading up to the surgery was worse. She came through great and I'm sure the Mayor will too.

Patois said...

I'm so sorry you guys have to go through this. Lots of good thoughts and prayers of hope being sent your way.

sam {temptingmama} said...

Thinking about you and Mayor! *hugs*

momomax said...

I'm thinking of you and the Mayor. I know this must be hard. It's treatable, you're right. You're doing well if you realize that already. I remember some devastating thoughts when my 6 week old daughter had some minor surgery that they had to use general anesthesia for.

Wishing you strength and an ear-ache free 2009

JCK said...

You WILL get through this.

They say kids are so resilient. Well, I think moms are, too!

Ponygirl said...

Hey, I'm just catching up and read about your baby boy's ear trouble. I hope his CAT scan went well and I will bet he was very courageous throughout the procedure. He'll be grand, Jess, and don't you worry. Oddly and coincidentally, my little guy just got his first ear infection...and on top of it all he's allergic to amoxycillin. He woke up with hives this morning. Any advice on the earaches for someone like me? Love to you and happy new year. Thanks for your card!