Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Santa's Little Gangstas


"Let's play that we're the sleeping kids and you're Santa, okay Mama?"


"Okay," I said.

The Mayor feigned sleep on the couch and The Rooster prostrated herself on a world map puzzle they had just completed.

"Ho, Ho, Ho!" I jollied.

My children were motionless, waiting for Santa to empty his toy bag.

"Uh-oh," I said. "The children in this house have been naughty instead of nice. They haven't been listening or minding their parents."

[100% TRUE.]


"I'd better skip this house and go on to the next one," I said.

Suddenly my children jumped up from their pretend beds.


"Get him!" they cried.
"Grab all his toys!"

The two of them jumped me.

Before I could react, they stole all my holiday booty and ran from the room.

I sat there stunned, wondering where my parenting went wrong enough for my children to be able to dream up and execute a full-on sleigh jacking.

24 comments:

mo.stoneskin said...

I haven't cruised by here for a while and I had forgotten how funny these posts are.

What you really need to do now is play that game when Santa had previously had his booty stolen, and therefore made the decision to bypass that household for the next five years...

Do you think they'd like that game? ;)

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

Sounds like the inspiration for a wholesome new family video game! ;)

Mrs. B. Roth said...

thanks for a good morning giggle - such a nice way to start the day.

Jenn said...

I'm not having much luck with the Santa threat this year....the queens just might have my number.

NotAMeanGirl said...

LOL. Your kids just crack me up! I so be an awful parent for them. I'd be too busy laughing to get anything done!

Mary G said...

Ah ha! The evil elves. Sack them.

Marmite Breath said...

Actually, I think it's a mark of good parenting that your The Mayor and Roo are so organized and determined. It will serve them well in the future.

Or they will end up in prison. But whatever.

furiousBall said...

and that's the way you do it, you roll up on santa and you just take what is rightfully yours. nice work kids.

Julie said...

Oh man, this goes down as one of my favorite Christmas stories ever! And I dunno, a life of organized crime takes a lot of leadership and logistical skills, not to mention a very large sense of loyalty. I say you're a great parent! ;)

WILLIAM said...

Heh, You said Holiday Booty.

Colleen - Mommy Always Wins said...

HA HA HA HA HA!

I'm sharin' this one with the Hubby! (A true gague of a good post!)

tracy - sun security said...

Too funny! It must be rough to be Santa in these modern times. Luckily my daughter is older, though she does swipe my credit card.

JoeinVegas said...

Yea, I think it's the elves that taught them. So they could get more overtime hours making replacement toys.

Amanda said...

Mine are not yet plotting, still living in fear, uttering in hushed tones, "Careful, ho ho's elbows are listening."

Jocelyn said...

I like to think they'd only do it to Mommy Santa and not the real Santa. There's an emotional boundary that keeps the real Santa safe, while Mommies enjoy no such buffer.

Wendy said...

you just needed your team of Guard Reindeers like Santa has.

the end of motherhood said...

Your work is done.

Ben and Bennie said...

Huge snort! I need to be more careful reading my fav blogs while working on a sinus infection.

Above Average Joe said...

Good thing you didn't go after them. They might have shot out Rudolph's nose so you couldn't follow.

Shannon said...

That was really funny. Made me think of my niece (now 15!). My mom has Santa come every year for the little kids. The first year he came, Haley was 2. She just bawled in her mother's lap and wouldn't have anything to do with him. He passed out presents anyway. The next year, when she was 3, he comes to the door and she runs into the next room via a short hallway. Once he's inside a few minutes, she creeps down the hallway, peeks around the corner at him, and says, "Whatcha got in the bag, Santa?" We've been using that line at every opportunity since.

Ravedogg said...

At least they didn't pistol-whip Rudolph.

Amy Trice (Graco) said...

That is too funny! What a great story.

Shonda Little said...

I totally love your kids.

Patois said...

Ho ho ho. You live in a rough neighborhood, missy.