Thursday, August 21, 2008

Thursday Morning Nonsense

Even after six years I can't get the woman out of my head.

I thought about her again this morning.

K and I were hiking through small villages in the Kathmandu Valley in Nepal.

We were tramping down a road
one morning next to a meadow filled with cows when a local bus came ambling towards us.

It stopped nearby and several passengers disembarked.

One of them, a woman, climbed down the bus steps, stopped right at the bottom and, facing us with her legs shoulder length apart, released a torrent of pee.

Her face showed no expression at all, it was completely blank.

I couldn't tell if it was meant to be an affront to K and I and our general foreignness, but it didn't seem like it. She looked neutral.

She was wearing three or four ankle-length skirts layered one over the other, a blouse, a jacket and a headscarf with sandals.

She appeared to be a local woman, likely poor.

When the woman finished peeing, she simply shifted her feet slightly and continued standing there with the blank look on her face.

I was completely startled.

It's wasn't that I perceived her as brazen or immodest...

[What do I care?]

..instead, it seemed to me to represent a complete lack of logic.

Trekking in Nepal, K and I routinely noticed that it was the women who were doing all the work.

Women chopped the wood and carried the water, shouldering life's burdens.


So the woman who stood there peeing all over herself...


Soon her legs and clothes were going to stink of-a the pee pee, no?

Who was going to chop the wood, fetch the water, build the fire and boil the water that would enable her to wash herself and her clothes?

Her, right?

All these years later, I'm still talking to her in my head,

"Hike up your skirt and cop a squat, for goodness sakes! Minimize your work!"

I have a ridiculous obsession with efficiency.

[Clearly, I am part Vulcan.]

And, since I am hovering (vaguely) near the subject of nether regions seeing as they are from whence pee comes...

I can report that this morning in the shower I slipped while shaving and created asymmetry in the... er... lower haircut.

Now being all ANAL and what not, I am simply unable to live with asymmetry and I couldn't leave it alone.

[So to speak.]

As a result, I am now sporting a piece of Fruit Stripe Gum on the Yippee Yahoo Region.

The absolute joys prevail, always.




29 comments:

Patience said...

Hmmm. No telling about what that woman was thinking. Obviously the call of nature is quite, uh, natural!

kristen said...

put down the razor and step away...my mishap with the razor had my daughter declaring, "mama, we look just the same".

i now leave that grooming to those that wield hot wax.

furiousBall said...

i shaved a lightening bolt on each one of my asscheeks...

i wish

thatgirlblogs (shelly) said...

my kid is in the same tribe... first order of the pee-where-I-want-to tribe, that is...

nikki said...

The Yippee Yahoo Region? OMG! I love it. No other phrase will do now.

At least you didn't knick yourself!

Jill said...

I have done that too... that last thing, not pee on myself. That's just gross. And you're right, completely inefficient! Maybe it wasn't her day to do the laundry and she held a grudge against the person whose it was. (is that proper English? probably not... oh well, at least I don't pee on myself!)

JoeinVegas said...

fruit STRIPE gum? Something else you aren't telling us about mishaps with hair dye or something?

Now all I can picture is one of those big old Afro wigs in rainbow colors worn elsewhere . . .

anna said...

What I am picturing with the woman peeing is a part of a movie called Holy Smoke with Kate Winslet and Harvey Keitel. She does the same thing when he is trying to break her out of a cult mentality brainwashing.

Random.

Anyway, don't women always shoulder all of the burden? Not to get all 70s feminist on you, but seems like that's always the case.

Chanda (aka Bea) said...

Wow, Im just a'gog. I don't know what to comment on first. Women peeing on themselves, shaving mishaps, and fruitstripe gum, all in one lovely convenient post. You ARE talented!

Thanks for the chuckle, and the images now burned for all eternity in my brain. :)

Vodka Mom said...

and I didn't think anyone saw me that day in Nepal...

Random Thinker said...

An interesting experience – given the fact that she must have controlled herself for the long duration of the arduous bus journey, her seemingly shocking behavior can be explained by the facts that there are no public toilets, fresh urine from the kidney is totally sterile, nudity or partial exposure of nether regions for the females are severely looked upon, and therefore doing a Paula is out of the question, and the rural women in India or Nepal bathe with clothes on in a river and use the occasion to clean what they wear, and she would never see you both again. It would have seemed what she did was totally logical from her cultural point of view:)

Lala said...

Have you considered depilatory cream?

CamiKaos said...

I've done the very same. the over shaving... not the peeing

Oh, The Joys said...

@Random Thinker

That makes sense. Maybe I can be released from thinking about her now.

Mr Lady said...

That was the most brilliant display of transitioning from moving, heartfelt to downright saucy I've ever seen on these here internets.

BRAVO!

Leah said...

Fruit Stripe Gum on the Yippee Yahoo region... priceless absolutely priceless!

amanda said...

This reminded me of an experience a few months ago. I spent a few weeks on my friends yacht as they sailed up the east coast of Australia. One rainy night we invited the boat next door over for drinks. They were rather hippy people. We couldn't help but laugh when the hippy lady excused herself to go to the toilet - and did so, standing up at the edge of the boat. My friend says she has been practising in the shower ever since trying to work out the technique.

Maureen said...

Well, that woman is someone I sure would never forget either... no matter how hard I tried.

Yikes.

Be careful with that razor, lady. Don't want to do any permanent damage, you know...

Magpie said...

You have a great way of starting at point A and ending up at point L without stopping at B, C...J, K.

Rusti said...

quite interesting about that lady... I don't believe I would enjoy that particular eau de parfum myself... but to each their own right?

regarding the shaving - once again, you do not fail to have me laughing

thanks J :)

Mandy said...

Okay... was the first story an excuse to tell the second one?

It made me laugh though. I once went to a bikini waxer with the same obsession for symmetry. I went in for a small wax job, ended up with a Brazilian.

GoteeMan said...

ok. seriously. can't stop laughing.

I saw nearly the same thing, except I was in high school back in the dark ages (the mid 80's), and was in a marching band (yes, don't laugh - I wrestled as well, to offset). We took to the field, kicking butt and taking names, when what to my post-pubescent eyes should appear? Twas a majorette standing with feet shoulder width apart (see what you made me remember? you know what's coming, don't you?) and she was PEEING through her LEOTARD... yes, glistening nether rain was hitting the football field, running down one leg, all while she looked off in no particular direction, obviously hoping nobody would notice...

and so I kept her secret - well, til now, anyway...

fruit stripe? wow... For what it's worth, I am unable to live with asymmetry as well... would have probably just mowed the whole triangle... or maybe given myself another gotee...

J/

Liberal Banana said...

Now I'm going to think about this woman and I never even actually SAW her. But if course you painted such a vivid picture that I feel like I did... That's so strange - and I definitely follow your logic. I mean, WHY? But the reason could be that she was somewhat mentally unstable, right? I mean, there was a homeless guy who always hung out near this business where the animal shelter where I volunteer held adoption events in the city. One day, my friend was walking one of the dogs in the alley behind the building and she said the man NAKED because he had to pull down his jumpsuit to pee. Okay, not quite the same (he had the smarts to take OFF the jumpsuit) but definitely an image (involving pee!) that will also burn itself into your brain forever.

Why do I feel like I need to pee now?

Liberal Banana said...

(SAW the man naked, not SAID the man naked) <-- need to start proofreading my comments!

Moobs said...

On my trip to Nepal I was determined to avoid "traveller's tummy". I munched anti-biotics like M&Ms but the Yak burger got me. I tried to be fastidious, hunched over the leaf drop loos but got caught short on the trailside and had a back to nature experience. I was mortified. All the more so when I relaised I had just taken a dump in a memorial site to climbers lost on Everest.

WILLIAM said...

You had to say Fruit Strip didn't ya...Looks great but it only tastes good for the first 30seconds.

slackermommy said...

I bet K is loving it!

jb said...

Sounds like you have quite a few stories to tell.
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Tis I. said...

rofl!

Oh, I was so with you and the imagery of the woman. And, I, being also part Vulcan, do not understand how a woman obviously used to hard labor wouldn't find a more efficient way. But, then.. the slippage of the razor and the gum. Man, that just made me laugh out loud!

I slipped once. Never shave up. There is a tiny nebula of Joy in that region that should Never be scraped by razor. Never. I am so . very. careful. now. ;)