Sunday, June 22, 2008

Merry Melodies

What the [BLEEP] happened to ME?

[I've fallen and I can't reach my keyboard!]

How dare I neglect... THE BLOG!

The truth is... I BRAVELY ventured forth into uncharted territory.

I endeavored to do something I had never done before.

I packed up my two children and took them... without my husband... on a five hour, weekend road trip.

[Ree ree ree!!! Did you see Jason with his mask and knife making stabbing motions over my shoulder?]

I felt nucking futs for planning this solo trip but I was invited to The Casa Fell Swoop and, well... her charms are simply irresistible.

I did not attempt this act of lunacy unarmed, nay.

People, I am the new owner of a portable DVD player.

I, Joy-ra Queen of The Strict No TV Policy took my children from zero TV to a Looney-Tune-A-Thon in one road trip.

[If I hear the Looney Tunes music one more time.... KABLAM!!! My head will explode.]

Swoop's son and The Roo get along famously.

The Mayor and the young Boy Swoop? Not so much.

There's a little TESTASTERONE problem.

"I am the alpha male!"

"No I am the alpha male!"

[And a great thumping of fists on chests ensues.]

Whatever.

If Swoop Boy and The Mayor got along then Roo would be the third wheel. Three is just a hard number.

Anyway, Swoop and I took the wee people to her neighborhood pool for an EXHAUST-A-THON and The Mayor made a friend.

Andrew from Swoopville taught The Mayor how to play "OH, MY GIANT FIRE HOSE."

[Which is, as you know, every boy's favorite game.]

Andrew held the swim noodle securely to one of the pool's jet spray nozzles while The Mayor held the far end of the noodle above water so that "the fire" (also known as his sister) could be endlessly sprayed with water.

Oh. The. Joys.

After exhausting themselves with the spraying, Andrew invited The Mayor to join him for a snack and offered him a fruit flavored tootsie roll.

[THE NASTY]

The Mayor asked my permission.

{Wha? Wow.}

I consented and he ate it.

Next, Andrew offered The Mayor an Oreo.

"Is that another treat?" The Mayor asked.

[Has he never had an Oreo? Really?]

Andrew confirmed that the Oreo was a treat.

"No thanks," The Mayor said. "One treat is enough for me."

This is where I fell off my lawn chair and Swoop had to smack me back to consciousness.

When I came to
there was a little ring of stars circling the air above my head.

I heard birds tweeting and I was confused.

"I tawt I saw a puddy tat," I said.




26 comments:

Carey said...

LOL! There is one thing that has brought me sanity in the car...my dvd player! And I only have one!

Crazed Mom said...

You are a brave brave mother. You had fun, admit it!

Mrs. Schmitty said...

Portable DVD players for the car are, in my opinion, the greatest invention, EVAH!

Circus Kelli said...

Hee hee! You are a brave, brave woman. I took my friend Erika on the one and only "solo" road trip I've taken the kids on.

Glad you had a great time!

Fairly Odd Mother said...

You are brave but it must've felt great to get the big road trip under your belt. What's next? Flying solo with kids? (ack!)

Patience said...

Sounds like a nice mini-vacation! Crazy woman.

Megan said...

"OH, MY GIANT FIRE HOSE" was not the game I was thinking it would end up being!

Tranny Head said...

See . . . and all those other parents are all "no TV for MY kids" . . . and yet clearly the TV is working wonders for yours.

By the way - after eating a fruit flavored Tootsie Roll, I don't think I personally would ever want to eat another treat again . . . just because it would be so hideously bad that I wouldn't want to risk repeating the "treat" experience.

flutter said...

oh how I wished I had never been introduced to the treats that are oreos.

JCK said...

Best that he doesn't know yet of the addictive crack qualities of oreos.

Queen of Shake-Shake said...

You are so funny!

We became vehicle DVD player owners over 3 years ago when we were moving over 3 hours away from our families. Not far enough to not visit frequently but far enough to make it h$ll without entertainment.

I. Love. It.

Cosmetic Dentist London said...

You are one brave woman! I live in a Colorado ski town and shopping for groceries is a half day ordeal and without that dvd player I would not make it the distance with the kids.

furiousBall said...

my neighbors hate when i play giant firehose ... in their yard

Omaha Mama said...

I think you are hiding a few mommy secrets from us, yes? No TV? No treats? And it stuck - one treat is enough for me. That is fabulous.

I have a whole post floating in my head about why three is such a hard number. But first, I must find where that smell is coming from (in my house) and demolish it.

The Joys indeed. Glad yer back!

Kyla said...

Portable DVD players are a gift from the heavens.

JoeinVegas said...

And what fun did dad have while the clan was gone?
only one treat, what are you teaching those kids?

Ruth Dynamite said...

You're one brave mama! Sounds like a great trip!

Bon said...

clearly i lack the Mayor's self-restraint. :)

carrie said...

First, I'm coveting your portable dvd - ours broke and we never even use it enough for it to break so, go figure?

Second, those kids will never cease to amaze you. I'm glad you solo road-tripped w/them, you can do ANYTHING now! :)

Jenifer said...

She says as I prepare for a road trip with over 4 eight hour driving days! I have stock piled so many DVD's it isn't even funny.

Jenny, the Bloggess said...

You did see a puddy tat.

I don't go anywhere without our portable DVD player. I've been known to bring it in the bathroom. For Hailey. Not for me. That would be weird.

Although now that I think about it...

Moobs said...

We had godchildren staying with us this weekend. The wee lad is, putting it mildly, a handful.I decided to calm him down by letting him try the Playstation. It transpires that his parents have a no video games policy at home (who knew?).

His jaw sagged and 7 hours later we had to prise his tiny hands off the controller with a phillips-head screwdriver.

BOSSY said...

That's sounds like way too much fun to accomplish without the benefits of Bossy and her wine bottle.

Wendy said...

Um, one word for the next trip: HEADPHONES.

For the kids, not you. Blissful peace ensues.

Damselfly said...

Only one treat? Wow! Must have been all those carrots that Bugs was eating?

Shannon said...

Yup. My kids only saw television at their grandmother's until we drove up the east coast last year. It was only possible courtesy of the dvd player. I just turned my back so I couldn't see their slackened jaws.