For the last seven months I’ve been a hermit, holed up on my own and keeping to myself.
[You know, doing the whole grief thing.]
Sometime in the recent past I noticed streams of stubborn, persistent sunlight sneaking through the slats of my down-turned window blinds.
Curious, I opened the front door with squinted and adjusting eyes to see that my entire yard was full of people.
At first I hurried back inside and shut the door.
Oh, my GOD! Who ARE all those people and what are they doing in my yard?!!
Gradually I went out among them.
They invited us to their houses for dinners and play dates and we invited them back...
They made us laugh.
They have us out and about, walking around our neighborhood."Let's go on an adventure!" The Rooster says.
I like thinking of our walks that way.
The other day we were strolling up a quiet, neighborhood street hand in hand letting the perfect evening breeze billow all around us.
I beamed, feeling happy.
I thought about the new people in our lives and the accompanying new social dynamics.
Do they like us as much as we like them? I wondered.
Then I thought of my Granny... how much I miss her... how much I have missed her.
I started to feel guilty for enjoying myself, but then I felt her presence all around me, everywhere.
Her fingertips were the breeze rustling the flowers from their beds.
“I want you to be happy,” she said.
Later, at the farmer’s market, I bought a pint of blackberries.
They were fat and juicy berries -- my favorite.
The Rooster, who loves them too, got nose deep in the box before we finished checking out.
As I watched her devour berry after berry, I thought about picking berries with my Granny and all the times she made blackberry dumplings for me.
Snapping back to the present, I realized that The Rooster intended to eat the entire pint of berries before we even left the store.
I started to say something but then I heard my Granny again.
“Everything is as it should be,” she said.
The sun is shining and everything is as it should be.
48 comments:
Spring has indeed sprung, eh? Literally and metaphorically. I'm glad to hear it.
Beautiful. Blogs like this keep me coming back again and again. Your grief has become less of a big heavy wet blanket and more of a knit shawl to wrap around your shoulders.
Simply.
Wonderful.
Beautiful and lovely and everything in between.
If you listen to the voice, the feeling, whatever it is, sometimes you hear exactly what you need.
This felt like a great big hug from your Granny.
Blackberries are Grandma Seattle's most favorite thing - but don't make me Blackberry dumplings unless you want to see me cry. (FYI, your post made me cry - I miss Granny's Blackberry dumplings.) Love Mom
And so it is. Don't forget - working through your child's injury is a huge stressor. It's ok to hole up and recharge from that too!
Grandmothers are always right. Even when they're gone.
I hope you have a lovely Mother's Day, friend!
I love this. How wonderful that you were able to read the signs the way you have. That's a true skill.
I'm so glad that you listened to your Grandmother. Her wisdom is leading you to a bright new chapter.
Congrats on inching your way - - this beautiful post made me want to cry.
I miss my grandma every day, nearly 3 years hence. I started writing about her and intend to post some of her memoirs on my own blog. Because she would dig that it's in cyberspace. She learned to use email in her early '80s and send me messages until just before she died, just short of age 90.
I also posted, with photos, her sugar cookie recipe. I called the post "channeling the grandmas" (both of my grandmas made 'em the same way). It's one way I can continue to honor her and keep her memory and traditions alive, even if she's gone.
This was wonderful, thank goodness for air and light through slats.
Now, mind you after a few hours, everything may not be as it should when toddlers hog the fruit carton...just sayin'...
:)
Welcome back.
Lovely.
Lovely.
The human capacity to heal and rejuvenate amazes me.
I've been that hermit-- and know exactly the process you describe so perfectly here.
This was lovely and powerful, Jessica.
Hello stranger friend,
My heart is glad for you.
Sunshine on shoulders.
E
And to embrace that as you are is indeed a gift. For then, you're living in the moment, fully aware. And that's all we really have.
And there are always more blackberries.
I am so glad to read this, my friend.
Yes. It's as it should be. Unless you are Bossy. And then things are a shadow of the way they should be. Just kidding. Sort of.
I'm so glad that you have reached this place.
Amazing and wonderful. Life can be great, and it's amazing to realize that despite not being here to touch, our loved ones can still be with us.
It is all as it should be, love.
I'm glad you're feeling better.
Where are you meeting these new acquaintances?
This is such a fantastic post. I love it and I am so happy to hear you're finding some peace.
So this terrible empty I feel inside is gonna get better?
I'm glad your sun is shining again. :)
That was really beautiful.
Gorgeous. Yes, it's as it should be.
I'm glad you got a dose, small or not, today. And I hope that every day gets better and better, Miss J.
(((you)))
It takes a while, but that pain turns into a bittersweetness. Kinda like those blackberries.
Smootches babe.
This was lovely. What a wonderful surprise to read...
My best,
Dorothy from grammology
remember to call your gram
www.grammology.com
happy mother's day!
OH, I so feel your pain. I was very close to my grandparents. My Grandmother died 21 days after my Grandfather. They were both 85 years old. That was 15 years ago and not a day goes by that I don't think of them.
I am very lucky that my grandparents were part of my life.
You will share your memories with your children and they will live forever in your heart.
Oh, I'm so glad, Jess. You deserve a little sunshine in your life after these rough times.
I still have that recipe from when you first posted it.
Happy Mother's Day!
Spring has a way of doing that.
I am glad you are feeling better! :)
Hope you are having a great MOther's Day!
Great writing. Very inspiring. Probably grieving is the last thing are loved ones would want us to do.
The sun is shining and everything is as it should be.
Mhmm. Yes it is. I love it when I realize that. :)
I hope you don't mind. I'm going to be channeling your grandma and you with "Everything is as it should be" That's certainly the voice I've been wanting to have in my head.
Thank you. I'm not sure why but this post put a tear in my eye. A happy tear.
Glad to hear the sun is shining again.
Happy Mother's Day.
Beautiful post. My grandmother and I used to go blackberry picking too. Though we made jam instead of dumplings. It's nice to remember the good times, no?
I just love your blog! I love the wit mixed in with the profound. Thank you!
This post made me smile so hard for you J - it really did. I'm so glad the sunshine is getting through
This was lovely. I'm glad spring has come.
It's OK to let a little sunshine in - and out! The sunshine that gleams from within you is, in part, a gift from that incredible Granny of yours. Peace, Jess. Wishing you well as always!
i loved this, Jess. it is good to go out in the light again...a little changed, but tempered with the healing, too.
i think your Granny would be pleased.
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