Thursday, May 29, 2008

Shenaynay Soccer Mom


The first e-mail was from The Mayor's soccer coach...

Dear Team,

Our final game is Saturday at 12:30 on field 10.


Are you interested in staying after the game to have a picnic?


Let me know what you guys want to do...

See you Saturday,


The Coach


Another team member's mother was the first to respond...

Hi team!

Since the game is so late, I am sure everyone will have eaten lunch by then.


What if the snack person brings cupcakes for a little party?


I think that is a good idea, but I won't be able to be there. My parents are bringing my daughter.

Thanks,


Her Mom

Um, excuse me?


What if the snack person brings cupcakes???!!!


Can you guess whose turn it is to BE the snack person?

Hi.


Oh, I know she didn't just volunteer me to BAKE on a Saturday morning.

[Do you see my head rotating on my neck all She-nay-nay-like?]


Let's see... how should I phrase my response?

Dear Her Mom,

Thank you
so much for taking over as snack person this week!

How generous of you to volunteer to make cupcakes and send them along for a game that you can't even attend! Wow!


I can't wait to taste your delicious treats!!


With gratitude,


OTJ

People hear this, I do not bake on demand!


82 comments:

Jordan said...

You may not bake on demand, but what makes you a better mom than me is that I immediately pictured myself running to the nearest grocery store for the cupcakes. Your mind went to BAKING THEM!

Mrs. Schmitty said...

Oh.No.She.Diin't!!

Hey, here's a trick. Go to the store, buy Yankee Doodles, Sunny Doodles, and vanilla and chocolate icing to frost them with. These cupcakes have the surprise cream in the middle. The kids will think you put it in there...tell them it's an old family secret!

Mrs. Schmitty said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jess said...

Ha ha, how, um, -helpful- of her.

Why don't you just pick up a pack of the teeny ones they sell in the grocery store bakeries (maybe she was trying to say that and that's why she specified "little"?)

flutter said...

dear her mom,

how about you see how many cupcakes fit up your...

Omaha Mama said...

Der Her Mom, If you are not volunteering to bring said cupcakes, please shut your pie hole.

Be STRONG, OTJ!

furiousBall said...

i say you kill her. kill her dead.

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

She gets the Soccer Mom Beotch Award for the season.

Please tell me that Miss Thang is NOT going to be signing up her Preshus child for soccer next season.


This mama does not bake on demand, or really ever. Except for maybe birthdays for her own offspring.

Charming Driver said...

GROSS

Laski said...

Ooohhh. That is a little irritating.

Very. Bad. Momma.

Life As I Know It said...

Wow. That's pretty ballsy of Her Mom.
My head would be spinning and spewing venom.
I agree with an above comment - I immediately thought about where the nearest bakery would be. Baking on a saturday morning? No way.

meno said...

Can you even make cupcakes out of cheetos and Ding Dongs???

QT said...

just tell everyone you'll be giving away free kittens instead...that should get someone else to volunteer.

Damselfly said...

Maybe the snack person could bring cupcakes, or maybe the snack person could smash the cupcakes onto Her Mom's car.


Or just fantasize about doing it. :)

Lisa Milton said...

That's an important policy to stick by.

It WILL be tested: the PTA comes to mind. And scouts.

(Some people's parents.)

Jennifer said...

Oh, HELL no.

Wendy said...

I knew I hated soccer. It can only get uglier.

Give her kid a cupcake with a couple of Red Bulls to wash it down. That'll teach her.

Stimey said...

Reading this, I totally saw in my mind's eye those delightfully colorful cupcakes from the store. Bake? Cupcakes? No way!

Sarcastic Mom (aka Lotus) said...

You go, grrrrrl!
*finger snap*

Rachael said...

Dude, no way. Just, no way!

bew said...

forget running off to the store for those cupcakes...they're too damn expensive anyways...

if you're snack person...bring what you've intended to bring and tell her to stick her cupcake where the moon doesn't shine...

That's ridiculous!

btw...For the last game, the coaches would always bring McDonald's happy meals for the kids....

good luck
~signed~
former team mom (3 years in a row)

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Damn skippy, Sha-nay-nay. That was rude of her.

Shannon said...

Why was she even making suggestions when she wasn't going to be there anyway.

I wouldn't consider her suggestion at all.

I'd just say that you're in for a picnic and offer to bring a side dish ALONG WITH ALL OF THE OTHER PARENTS.

And for her to say no one will be hungry because it's right after lunch????? What kid isn't hungry at all hours of the day anyway?

I'm just a little wound up from this woman's email, LOL.

amy t sharp said...

Oh man! Yr right though-so right

Patience said...

Oooooh! Even if I had already planned to make delicious cupcakes, I wouldn't have after being force-volunteered. Great comeback!!

Mrs. Chicken said...

Wow. Just ... wow.

Circus Kelli said...

Bake cupcakes? I thought they just appeared at the grocery store bakery?? ;)

3carnations said...

Yeah, telling snack person what to bring: Not cool.

K said...

When I agreed to coach my son's soccer team this spring the FIRST thing I did was get rid of the group snacks.

I said, "If you want a snack, bring a snack for yourself." No snack schedule. No rushing around on Saturday morning to find 15 bags of organic pretzels.

I don't get the group snacks at athletic events. Why? It seems like such a waste of time, effort and resources.

anneglamore said...

I have always been opposed to game snacks. Here's yet another reason why. Mail her a damn cupcake.

Terri@SteelMagnolia said...

DOH

LSM said...

Her Mom clearly does not know about this blog.

I'd love to hear about the other parents' responses to her email. As a mother whose only remaining soccer player is her third child, I can assure you that we would likely NOT have already eaten lunch before a 12:30 game.

Oh, and I would seriously consider sending that response you came up with as a reply to the team. But I probably wouldn't in th end. :)

Kyla said...

She's not even going to be there. Why did SHE respond?

And who said anything about baking, we're store bought all the way. LOL.

Magpie said...

this is why i am going to keep my child AWAY from soccer if i can possibly help it. the nerve.

Regina said...

Some people are sooooo *bossy*!!! I can't stand it. The nerrrrve of Hers! I like the idea of ignoring her comment altogether, and querying what all the other parents will be bringing to the picnic along with your decidedly NON-cupcake dish! Or sending a general thank-you to the group that Her Mom is sending cupcakes with her child, and you will be bringing chili dogs :D These bossies must be shown!

JoeinVegas said...

I hope you did send that out.

Travis Erwin said...

Soccer Mom fight! Somebody call Springer.

Queen of Shake-Shake said...

I"m already ticked off at inconsiderate people today. This ticks me off more. Who does that soccer mom think she is?!

Laura said...

HOLY CRAP --- the nerve...I like your response! Good for you!

I love getting volun-told to do something! NOT!

Holly said...

I love that the one mom who's not going to be there is telling everyone what to do. "I veto the picnic, and I require OTJ to slave over a hot oven on Saturday morning for my little angel." She's not going to be there, so she therefore surrenders all rights to an opinion. I say you ignore her email completely and tell the coach a (potluck) picnic sounds great.

Little Monkies said...

Lawdy...I do get the heebies from said mommies. You stay strong, woman. Oh, the ...

SUEB0B said...

Holy cow. Do children have to have snacks at EVERY SOCCER game? Sugar snacks? I mean, do we want kids to weigh 300 lbs by their teens? This is all so wrong in my evil childless mind.

beta mom said...

and THIS is why we don't get involved in team sports. I don't play well with others.
Skip the soccer and bring cupcakes.

Danielle said...

Dear Overbearing Mom,

Why change the plans when you aren't even going to be there...?

You may not want a picninc, but you.won't.be.there.

We think a picnic would be quite nice, thankyouverymuch. Shut your cupcake hole.

****

This actually makes me stutter in my head....

WTH? Why would she assume no one wants the picnic!?

Bon said...

dear HER MOM,

what a lovely suggestion.

let me also suggest, next time it's your turn to be snack parent, that all the kids descend on YOUR HOUSE after the game for a twelve-course meal, replete with hand-made pinata. i'd love to help but am doing my nails that week.

yours,
OTJ

mamatulip said...

Please, for the love of all things sugary, send the email.

Janet said...

The noive!

I think this calls for leaving a flaming bag of cupcakes on someone's porch, don't you? Oh, and the cupcakes are iced with dog poo, in case that wasn't obvious.

JCK said...

Oh, she's the nasty. Her, not you.

If she isn't going to show. She should keep her comments and cupcakes to herself.

The coach sounds pretty cool, by the way.

justmylife said...

Bake, you went to bake. I would have been figuring the cost of that many cupcakes from the local Hel-Mart! Her mom should be banished from making anymore suggestions.

Sunshine said...

Oh, that takes some balls to volunteer someone else to bring treats, and I love how she's dictating how the whole thing should should go down and she's NOT EVEN GOING TO BE THERE.

Don't know her, but I feel like keying her car.

thing1orthing2 said...

I think that is a GREAT comment. Let her do it!!!!
Have a great weekend.

Cara said...

How dare her?
I like Mrs. Schmitty's idea.

Lotta said...

Lord I love these passive aggressive sports notes. We get tball ones all the time!

Jenna Consolo said...

Maybe you should BUY them and then "cupcake" her house or her car, or something to get her real good. She wants cupcakes?? Give'em to her good!

TRS said...

Wow!
Making suggestions on food for a event you won't attend?!?!? Is that done?

And uh... I don't have kids but do people eat before 12:30 on Saturdays? I sure the heck don't! My mind went straight to... (imagining I had children) "Gee, since they just played on an empty stomach - I think it's a good idea to feed them!"

I agree with others... thank her for volunteering to send the cupcakes with her kiddo.
Passive agressive pretending you didn't understand what she meant is my favorite tactic!!

NotSoSage said...

Them's fightin' words, methinks, OTJ.

I want a follow-up...

Karen said...

Having been there....done that.....I suggest sticking to your guns.... Write that letter, baby!

NO GUILT.....

Joie said...

Entirely inapropriate. If she didn't want to go with the picnic plan, she should have taken that up with the coach, not decide she is in charge and then tell you what to do. Or, since she isn't even there, kept her trap shut!

Angela said...

I can't wait to hear how this all goes down. Bwahahaha!

Shannon said...

I hope you sent that! Though I must say - I thought the same thing Jordan did.

slouching mom said...

THE NERVE OF HER!

AliBlahBlah said...

I truly am living in fear of my daughter being old enough to go to an American school where I have to participate and *yikes* bake and make things. Oh the horror.

Kevin Charnas said...

How the F does she know everyone already had lunch???

stepping over the junk said...

Heh heh. Have you seen this in the news? No snacky, not play. Crazy people.
http://www.thebostonchannel.com/news/16278448/detail.html

carrie said...

No. Way.

The nerve . . .

Amanda said...

I'm lucky if they're dressed by noon...lunch, snort, that comes 'round sundown

Black Hockey Jesus said...

I like the coach's email. Dear Team, I'm so glad this is almost over. Let me know if you probably don't want to have a picnic.

blue milk said...

This was just beautiful. What a wonderful gift to the team this woman is.. yes, I loved the whole "I'm not going to even be there but I think my idea of making more work for you is a great one".

bew said...

comes back laughing

oh hell...you should give US her email!!! LOL

now that would be fun!!

we could all spam her with cupcake pics....

Gingers Mom said...

I would most certainly send your little email there. What a freak. I hate those kind of moms. Blech.

jeanie said...

Hi team, and especially Her Mom.

As the Snack Queen of the day, I will offer will be the usual cut oranges and water that is standard at all games.

As is customary at all break up parties worldwide (and I have people from the other side of the world to back me on this) everyone can bring along a basket for afternoon fun.

As your parents are bringing your daughter, perhaps they wouldn't mind you dropping them in it for the cupcakes duties.

Thanks,

The Joyful One who is NO-ONE'S cupcake dog.

stephanie (bad mom) said...

I am in just the right place this week to be beyond utterly appalled on your behalf (normally, I would just be utterly appalled).

I would have lost my effing mind on that woman.

Dying to know how the "party" went...??

Traceytreasure said...

Costco does! Do you have one there? I sure hope so! Sorry this is probably too late....Hugs!

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Thanks,

SpEdLaw2

Maureen said...

Yes! I sure hope you DID send that...

Jozet at Halushki said...

Before a fistfight starts, just one question:

Who has the more awesome minivan? Because, dude, if Soccer Bitch owns you on the minivan, you gotta get the cupcakes.

Just kidding.

Totally thank her for volunteering to bring cupcakes. That'll sit her down hard.

cce said...

Nervy of her, and just plain cowardly to hide behind the snack person with a cupcake suggestion. WTF, people? What in the world is this Mom who can't even be there thinking, trying to control an event she won't even attend?
I think you should flip her the e-mail bird andmake sure your daughter trips her daughter during this weekend's game!
Carey

Memaw's memories said...

You had the perfect response. How dare anyone make the decision for the group if they aren't going to be there in the first place. She needs to be slaapped.

Did she furnish the cupcakes?

Aimee Greeblemonkey said...

Makes my stomach twist just reading it.

We start soccer this fall.

YAY!

KathyLikesPink said...

I vote for a drive-by cupcake attack. I'll drive!

Ruth Dynamite said...

Score one for the snack lady!

I think YOU deserve some cupcakes.

Emily said...

Oh no she didn't! *snap snap*