Sunday, April 06, 2008

When Married People Snort

Saturday night we were invited to dinner by a couple we don't know well, the parents of a girl that Rooster plays with at daycare.

Until Saturday we had never socialized with them beyond running into them at the school and the odd meeting at the local playground.

I like them both, but I was a little nervous.

[How long would it take for these cool people to figure out what a complete and utter dork I am?]

When we arrived, their daughter (my daughter's friend), appeared at the top of their staircase to greet us.

She was completely naked.

She stretched her arms to the heavens and spread her legs wide apart.


"Ta DA!" she yelled.

Her mom blushed.

"Ta DA!!" she yelled again jumping down a step.

She jumped down one step at a time and with each landing she announced her impressive nakedness with another,

"Ta DA!"

Her mom hurried her back up the stairs to dress her, but before she went she told us that her husband was taking a shower because he had just finished cooking.

In an act of extreme culinary ambitiousness (in my opinion) he prepared home-made tamales.

Now I LOVE tamales, but for the love of HAY-SEUSS!

You have to make the filling and then hand tie it into corn husks AND make sauce.

Oh, the over-achieving dinner host!

[I now have performance anxiety about returning the favor and inviting them to our house.]

When both parents and their re-clothed daughter joined us again, the husband started making a pot of noodles for the kids.

[Yes! More tamales for ME!]

While he cooked, I asked about his work teaching political science at a local university.

I asked him what his area of focus had been lately and, as he told us about it, I asked a lot of questions.

When he offered to e-mail me the two most recent papers he had published, his wife snorted.

I mean, she SNORTED.

Unable to ignore the snort, K and I turned to look at her.

Something about our noticing the snort sent her over the snorting edge.

Her husband stared at her in disbelief as if he was thinking,

"Did she really just SNORT at the idea of me sharing my published papers with our dinner guests?"

With all three sets of eyes trained on her, her laughing became uncontrollable. She was laughing so hard she was practically crying.

Which of course made K and I start laughing uncontrollably.

Our male host's jaw hung open and his gaze stayed fixed on his wife while the three of us HOWLED.

Steam from the noodles rose up and seemed to come straight out of his ears.

Tears streamed down our cheeks, poor guy.

Slowly, slowly an embarrassed smile spread across his face.

Oh, the universal realities of married life.

Only your spouse, who has both
seen you naked AND heard your professional spiel a billion times, can so openly snort at you like that.

[Scout's Honor, I'm interested in his work and WILL read his papers... that is if he sends them after all that.]



72 comments:

David said...

Thank you so very much for the delicious slices of life you share. I really enjoy reading your blog, and will continue to do so. I agree with my wife. I wish we lived on the same street - we would be fast friends, me thinks.

Anonymous said...

OMG, you had ME howling! (Kinda like what I did to my husband in bed last night... he didn't think it was so funny.....ahem)
Thanks for the grins! How were the tamales?
Annie W.

Lara said...

i had an accidental snort slip out when i read about the little girl yelling "TA DA!" about her nudity. :-P

jen said...

i love it. i totally love it.

i think you'll handle it just fine when you return the favor, that ginger butter is a culinary treat.

Corgimom said...

I have a tilapia recipe that will send the tamales running for cover...not that you'll need help.

Been with a U prof for almost two decades. They rule the empire of dorkdom. Really.

Law Student Hot Mama said...

They sound fabulous! The kind of people I'd want to have dinner with. Anybody who snorts is ok in my books.

jakelliesmom said...

I would absolutely socialize with parents from the kids' schools if I could be promised uncontrollable snorting and highly celebrated nakedness.

(Did that sound odd? It's been a long weekend followed by a strong margarita.)

the mama bird diaries said...

I wish I liked myself naked enough to jump up and down and shout ta-DA!

Omaha Mama said...

Sounds like you've made yourselves some new couple friends!

Is it lame that I feel totally sorry for the poor, embarassed man? It is my least favorite emotion. Perhaps because I struggle so much to spell it correctly. And also because it just feels.so.bad.

Childsplayx2 said...

This sounds like a family right up your alley. I mean, naked kids? Snorting wives? They were made for you!

flutter said...

Ok, you know what? You need to hang out with these people. A lot.

liv said...

totally. these are your new bcoupleff. honest.

CamiKaos said...

i see a long lovely friendship in your future...

Barb said...

I have so been there! I have been the snorter, the person being snorted at, and of course, the innocent bystander who can't help laughing hysterically along!

Sayre said...

Yeah, those people are too cool for you... (snort!). Their daughter and Roo should get along famously!

Fairly Odd Mother said...

One snort, and I would've been in love. Too funny.

Shannon said...

The man makes tamales for brand new dinner guests and writes papers.

It's all undone with one snort from the wife.

Love it. I like people who are down to earth....and those who make sure they stay there :D

Andria said...

Wow. I can't get over the fact that he cooked.

jess said...

They sound like quality people. I like anyone who can have a discussion about political science and also gracefully handle being the subject of a crying snort-fest.

3carnations said...

I love the awkwardness of going to people's houses (and vice versa) that you only know because your children are friends. It makes for some unusual pairings. :)

Circus Kelli said...

Hee hee hee! That's awesome!

Mrs. Chicken said...

As the long-suffering wife, not to mention the wife of an academic, I could totally relate to that snort. TOTALLY.

Queen of Shake-Shake said...

Well, they may over-achieve in the kitchen, but at least they aren't about marital pretenses, huh?

Kyla said...

Poor guy! But that's hilarious.

rak said...

And, once again, we are all human :)

Sounds like there were plenty of "ice breakers" to help you and K make yourselves comfortable :)

Jen M. said...

This one made me giggle this morning - I can so relate.

Grim Reality Girl said...

I have to say, there is nothing like snorting at your spouse :-) Been there, done that. Unlike david, I am glad we do not live on the same street, but that is only because I have a strong feeling we'd both end up in jail for having way too much fun.

As the the naked "TaDa!" -- wonder where that was learned ;-) /snort!

cce said...

Oh the poor guy. I just love him for being the one who prepares food for house guests and cooks noodles for the kids. Where do I get me some of that? At my house I'd be the one in the kitchen slaving over a meal and I'd also be the one my spouse openly scoffed at during a dinner party - I feel his pain.

ImpostorMom said...

I must say that sounds like a perfect night out. :)

Don Mills Diva said...

I love it! I have a feeling you guys are all going to be great friends!

Shirley said...

This is such a funny story. But you have to admit that snorting causes contagious laughter.

Mimi said...

Hey, if I have a dinner party where people are laughing so hard they start crying? That's a GOOOOOD dinner party.

Beck said...

You know, my husband and I just have no Friends Who Are Couples. Maybe we collectively smell.

Barbara said...

I love your writing, but this one takes the cake. It was all I could do to keep from losing my drink all over the place.

Reminder to self: Don't drink and read Oh, The Joys!

we_be_toys said...

Hey, if you can't snort at your spouse, who CAN you snort at!
Sounds like it was a good time - you gotta love a kid who answers the door in the buff - a natural born hippie chick!

carrie said...

You'll be friends forever.

April said...

Great story, but...how were the tamales?!?

Gretchen said...

If that doesn't break the ice, I don't know what would!

Here's to many more snorting good times!

QT said...

Dude - the naked TA-DA at the top of the stairs? I wish I still felt like that....

I hope the tamales were delish, the company sounds like it was good.

mamatulip said...

I was laughing so hard at the thought of you guys laughing so hard, and her snorting, and you drooling over the tamales, that I almost snorted.

Love this post!

Aliki2006 said...

Poor guy! But yes, the snort is a sort of special communication form between spouses...

Day Dreamer said...

Nothing like a good snort to but your nerves to rest! LOVE THIS!

We who are married to them, make fun of them and roll our eyes at their greatness the best!

Dina said...

Gosh, I love that. Must be akin to hearing my swubby endless tell the three good stories he has. Once or twice, he's caught me mouthing the words.

And, hey, wait until it's warm and barbeque. Nobody snorts at brined spare ribs...say the word and my secret recipe is yours...

Mrs. Schmitty said...

After you said the husband was in the shower, I thought he was going to come down the stairs butt naked yelling "ta-da" too.

Molly said...

That is hilarious. I can see the guy's face right now. And doncha ya know they had a little pow wow about this after you left! Thanks for the smile.

-The Shiny Happy Mama- said...

Hi-lar-i-ous!!! *snort*

a. beaverhausen said...

Usually, a married couple reserves their amusement over things like "published papers" for a time when they know the other dinner guests better. I mean...showing what appears to be disdain or whatever seems a little off to me. Glad you could leaven the situation by laughing. No wonder they like you!

a. beaverhausen said...

Usually, a married couple reserves their amusement over things like "published papers" for a time when they know the other dinner guests better. I mean...showing what appears to be disdain or whatever seems a little off to me. Glad you could leaven the situation by laughing. No wonder they like you!

Lotta said...

They sound like keepers!

Denguy said...

So, does this incident make you closer to this couple or--not so much?

www.restlesshousewife.com said...

OMG - that gave me total social anxiety - the exact reason my husband and I do not make plans with prospective couple friends...

mommymommyland said...

That is so funny! I can just imagine the look on her husbands face!!!

Ivy Brown said...

What Jakelliesmom said.

Oh yes.

And no, I haven't had a margarita.

Above Average Joe said...

I have heard all it takes is one good snort to end all feelings of dorkness.

Jennifer said...

That sounds like the beginnings of BFF to me. Awesome.

Chicky Chicky Baby said...

But how were the tamales?

Amanda said...

Ta da, indeed. I guess it shows where I am that I kept waiting for you to say she tinkled or broke wind as she hopped.

BritGal' Sarah said...

Absolute classic...LMAO! I snort when I laugh hard, so embarrassing

Damselfly said...

You live the life! Even your get-to-know-you dinners are adventurous.

Mamma said...

I love to laugh like that.

KathyLikesPink said...

I'm not sure what amuses me most - the TA-DA-ing nekkid kid or the husband being brought down a peg by a snorting spouse. Either way it sounds like a very successful evening!

Jenifer said...

A definite friendship in the making.

Deb said...

I want to be that little naked girl, jumping down the stairs, yelling TA-DA! That's true liberation.

Geologychick said...

Too funny!

Deb said...

I don't know why, but that made me snort a little, too.

Backpacking Dad said...

Snorted into silence.

That's the name of my new band.

thordora said...

I think I just snorted a sunflower seed up my nose reading this...I totally do this to my husband all the time. :)

Heather said...

Oh My lord...did you visit us and we just didn't know? I'd snort too - if her husband is anything like mine, he jumps at the chance to discuss politics and the political climate with that rarest of beasts - A New Person Who Cares Or Is At Least Too Polite To Change The Subject.

However, my husband would not have blushed. He ENJOYS his insanity. I would have gotten a "Hush, you!"

I would have continued to giggle, though.

Scary Mommy said...

I was howling too, reading this. Ah, married life!!!

Kelly said...

See. This is what marriage really is. Real marriage. Real life. Really hilarious!

Rusti said...

I practically had tears running down my face from laughing at your ordeal... I loved it - thanks for sharing J... you always make me laugh :)

LiteralDan said...

I agree-- my wife and I have been married for almost 5 years but we already laugh at and mock each other in this way.

I don't know if that's sad or reassuring, but we're happy with it, so it must be okay