Sunday, March 16, 2008

Shell of A Post for Silly Photo Display Purposes

My friend Deana and I rented a car to drive to Nashville.

The problem with making an "economy weekend special" reservation is that Enterprise gives you a flying tic tac and calls it a car.

The Flying Tic Tac



I was a bit worried when we arrived at our hotel.

In the parking lot, Angry Road Rage Man unloaded a mouthful of bile on me for no good reason.

"If you were a guy I'd be in jail right now!" he screamed.


No more coffee for YOU, Mr. Road Rage Man!

Then my hotel's elevator walls were covered in pony hide.

Is it me or does red pony hide just SCREAM super classy?




At first, I worried that my bed might vibrate, but I was immediately distracted by the dress on display in the lobby...

Crayon Dress, The Preston

Ouch! Pointy!



The dress was made entirely of pink crayons.

Where could someone most appropriately wear such a garment?

We asked the dimly lit hotel clerk to recommend a good, local bistro so we could eat before the Ani DiFranco show.

"Hmmm," she said, "local BEE-STROW?"

I knew what was coming from experience.

"Oh! I know! We have a..."

She proceeded to recite the names of every known restaurant chain... Red Lobster, Wetern Sizzlin', etc..

Thankfully, she didn't mention Olive Garden or we would have had to wrestle her to the ground and feed her things with foodie words in their names like coulis, encrusted and reduction.

In the end, we ate at Watermark (which was fantastic should you ever find yourself in Nashville with 50 million dollars to burn.)

After the concert we stumbled through Robert's Western World and then perused the local, late-night shopping scene.

Did you know that The Ghost of Elvis will tell your fortune in the back of a souvenir store?





Or that if you are in the market for Pole Dancing Barbie, Nashville's got it?





I passed up the opportunity to own this hat. Can you believe it?!!




I wanted to buy this for my redneck friend, but $3.99 was a lot to ask, no?




I wondered how, exactly, we might play with this Chihuahua con Cahones Grande.




Who buys this stuff?


I mean, for real?


(Fooped of One Swell Foop!)


Um... Please.




I don't even know what to say about this next one... except maybe...

"You know it's hard out here for The Joys."



There is one purchase I totally should have made...

I regret not buying this for K.




Ah, well.

My single night of sweet freedom was good, so good.

Nashville is one insanely fun town.

I guess it'll have to last me until July.

59 comments:

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

Girl I could have given ya'll a few suggestions for non salad bar, non chicken finger, O'Charleys type eateries. Acorn down by Vanderbilt is very good, as are several restaurants in that area.

Where in the world did YOU stay?!? That crayon dress is verrrrry interesting. ;)

kirida said...

You should have bought out all the I heart porn stickers so you can have a sticker booth at BlogHer!

GRAY MATTER MATTERS said...

I can't tell you for sure where to wear that crayon dress, but I can tell you for sure where not to: any fireside dining establishment. Ya-hooooo. Fun post!

flutter said...

All I can say is that crayon dress would be a BITCH to sit in.

Also Fooped is so cute!!

furiousBall said...

Man, that is some seriously hifalutin' culture there. hi-falutin'

Rosie said...

Oh my goodness, I've never heard of anything quite like it? The crayon dress, the porn stickers, in fact almost all of it!

LSM said...

I am availing myself of the free wireless internet on my very own vacation right now, which requires sitting outside at the open-air bar. Not a bad thing, but people look at you funny when you laugh out loud at your computer. The pimp hat, the trailer park t-shirt, the I heart porn bumper sticker. It's too much, I tell you!

Deep Fried Yankee said...

So, I once rented a car from Enterprise. I drove it out of the lot and had a bitch of a time turning the wheel, so I called them and said "Um, I think this car is broken, I can barely steer it."

Apparently "economy" meant NO POWER STEERING.

HA.

Looks like you had some much needed fun.

Biddy said...

ok, if the cowboy hat didn't have red around the brim, it would be kinda cute...

and dear lord woman! of all the awesome places in nashville, how is it you picked out the 2 strangest?? red pony hide? seriously!?

Mimi said...

Urrr, Nashville seems a little ... tacky. Holy smokes. Helluva souvenir shop you found, too. Eep.

Blog Antagonist said...

Ahhhhh yes. Nashville. The city of redneck dreams, and all the acoutrements to get you there. I was there once, almost exactly 20 years ago. I have not been compelled to go back.

Busy Mom said...

Good Lord! from Nashville. Where on earth did you stay?

And the rest of you? Please.

If people from Nashville don't recognize this, then ya think it might not be representative of the entire city?

bzybead said...

the fuzzy hat is the best. . . good times, good times. I should have know you would post before the photos of you dancing were forwarded to you.

Jo Beaufoix said...

Hee hee, that looks fabulous. And have you finished your Christmas shopping now?

amy t sharp said...

awesome
love the elvis and yr a hot copper!

Traceytreasure said...

I wish you would get me some of those pens! I love them! Looks like you're having enough fun for both of us! Lucky!

Wendy said...

I'd call that car more of a Skittle.

Can I order that t-shirt online for the hubs? Would that be bad?

Carey said...

That crayon dress was super rad! LOL!

I probably am the one crazy girl who would buy some of that stuff! More for pranks...but what fun!

liv said...

oh, fooped!! yay! and rilly, a roadtrip is totally in order!

Mindi said...

Sooooo, how was the concert???
I saw Ani in Seattle just a short time after annousing her pregnancy. It was in an outdoor venu and was fantastic. I'm dying to read all about it.

Candygirlflies said...

Oh, my God, that DRESS... It almost scoops my "favourite", which was the one made entirely out of AmEx Gold cards at the Oscars a few years ago... worn by the designer of "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert".

Next time youse girls go to Nashville... Can I come??!

So glad you had Big Fun!! Thanks for sharing it with us.

xo CGF

Lotta said...

I would have bought the pole dancing stripper Barbie for a Christmas White Elephant.

Loralee Choate said...

I think that Hildy from "Trading Spaces" MUST have been the decorator for the hotel.

(The pony hide is an improvement from the episode where she glued hay to the walls. I'm just sayin...)

CamiKaos said...

for some reason I can not possibly explain let alone understand myself I am so enamored with that dress.

I mean it's a dress

but it's made of pink crayons

which makes it pink

and it's a dress

that is MADE OF CRAYONS

and it certainly highlights the breasts...

and it's made of pink crayons.

I mean really. wow. come one.

that's the height of fashion.

I could rock that thing. Or at least if I drew a picture of myself with crayons is would be a picture of me rocking that dress.

sigh.

Kelley said...

OOOhhh! I so want to do this! And now I can tell my husband that it is purely for research purposes so I can make the blog bigger and make tons of money... in reality just a great excuse to go away with the girls!

Sayre said...

I don't even know where to begin... I'm glad you guys had such a great time - what did Elvis tell you?

WILLIAM said...

Great now I know where I can buy underwear that will fit me.

Deb said...

Looks like you had a blast that crayon dress is kinda cool in an artsy I would never wear it kinda way!

Ann M. said...

Ugh. I keep trying to explain to my husband that his hometown in Texas is really sad because every single year they vote applebees the best restaurant in town. Applebees!

nikki said...

Oh dang-it, I wish I remembered the website for the crayon artist dude. He was featured in the latest Crafts Report magazine. His work is actually pretty cool.

LaskiGal said...

Apparently, you had a blast. You had me laughing from Tic Tac car to those super undies!

Um, could you imagine putting the crayon dress on inside out??? Yeah, wouldn't happen . . . unless . . .

I have somethin' for ya!

Chicky Chicky Baby said...

The other stuff gave me the heebs but I LOVE orange tic tacs. They're tasty.

And tell Fooped she's a total cutie.

Law Student Hot Mama said...

Several Thoughts:

1. I found your blog through Laskigal (who gave you the same award she gave me)

2. I own that crayon dress and wear it to church.

THE MOM BOMB said...

That crayon dress is so Madonna. The boobs look like pink sea anemones. Although I guess the dress is out of the question for a candlelight dinner.

urban-urchin said...

you're hot. the flying tic tac description made me laugh out loud. glad you had fun in your unusual digs...

Chanda (aka Bea) said...

Did you really go see Ani Difranco? Im so jealous! I love love love her. Was she just fabulous live?

Above Average Joe said...

Nevermind the trailer park, with this post you are messing with the whole city of Nashville.

we_be_toys said...

Can't believe you didn't buy the police hat for K! And that you could leave that FAB redneck T-shirt behind! I'm just shakin my head at the insanity of it all!

Redneck Mommy said...

Dammit, Jess. That shirt would have totally completed the new look my husband want's me to have.

I'm going out looking for a gun rack today. And maybe see if I can find that bumper sticker.

Cuz no one loves porn like a redneck with a fancy tee shirt and her spanky new truck....

cce said...

Just foaming at the mouth with jealousy from my desk here in suburbia. Good for you for painting the town red and patronizing the porn shops of Nashvegas. They're missing you now that you're gone.

Rusti said...

my husband has a hat like that he hates... maybe I could send it to you for K... although you'd have to get your own badge... I think the PD frowns on the giving away of badges... as a matter of fact, they'd probably frown on the giving of the hat too... bummer...

hey - I could steal it! Then the hubs would have to bring the cuffs home... this is sounding better and better... I think ;)

anyway... looks like y'all had a good time :)

Maggie said...

Man I can't believe you didn't get the pimped out orange hat!

Heather said...

I always knew Barbie had a dark side.

The Park Wife said...

Oh no, my ranger hubby is so not last year for me! If you still have a flicker of ranger interest, you should visit my blog from the past two days because they do include ranger pics.

But, since you are into fireman now, the lucky gal I am, park ranger hubby is also a fireman (most rangers are certified in both). See fire pics at:
http://theparkwife.blogspot.com/2008/01/hot-park-rangers.html

I am glad you had fun in Nashville!
The Park Wife

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

Pimpin' ain't easy.

A hat like that could be hard on your neck.

katy said...

Wow, if you put that dress on and leaned up against a wall you could go to jail for defacing public property...
In my house and outbuilding there are guns, guns cabinets, deer heads, cowboy hats, more baseball hats than you could ever count, 4 wheelers and dozens of other true signs of a true redneck. That shirt actually makes perfect sense to me because I know people who live in a trailer park. Sad but true.

carrie said...

Yours reminds me of the stories my husband tells after he's gone on a guys trip to a NASCAR (Non Athletic Sport Centered Around Rednecks) race. He has another, to Virginia, in a few weeks and I can't wait to hear his funny tales.

Leeanthro said...

What a fun trip!

Day Dreamer said...

I rented a Dodge fart once, or something like that. It was soooo tiny.....

I loved the hats and the Dog. Lordy, that dress!

You were in a five star, I can tell! Loved the pics!

Haley-O said...

Eeeeeee! That dress THAT DRESS! That thing is HILARIOUS! That's some high fashion. Also high fashion: that hat. How COULD you pass up dat hat!!! ;) You look FAB in it. FAB!

Deb said...

Why do I find myself humming, "Hot time in the city"?

Don Mills Diva said...

I kinda like that cowboy hat!

Ok, Where Was I? said...

Flying tic-tac. That's hilarious. I like the I love porn bumper sticker. Super classy.

Jenifer said...

That Flying Tic Tac looks like my Mom's first blue Datsun!

Interesting shopping in Nashville.

kittenpie said...

I can NOT BELIEVE you passed up that cowboy hat. I mean, COME ON! For the Rooster, at least?

Elisabeth said...

That crayon dress is amazing.

Damselfly said...

Hahaha! I can just imagine you and your friend in that store taking pictures, and the store people are like, "What are those women doing?!" Glad you had fun.

Does this mean my bathroom remodel shouldn't include pony print walls...?

lisawho? said...

You're just mad that you couldn't use those crayons to color (inside the lines of course)a picture of Piglet.

fragiledragon said...

OMG...you made me laugh...thank you!