Thursday, November 29, 2007

The Joy of Tongs

I came home from my business trip tonight.

Despite my evil smugness about getting to stay an extra night, I missed Team Joy.

When I got home, K had a lot he wanted to tell me about his week.

Because it is almost impossible to have an adult conversation in the presence of two toddlers without completely ignoring them...

We were completely ignoring them.

K had a hard week at work and I wanted to hear about it.

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed that The Mayor was digging around in the kitchen drawer where we keep spatulas, wooden spoons and the like.

Whatever.

I kept listening to K.

I (sort of) noticed that The Mayor was taking all his clothes off and thought...

What else is new? Naked boy? No harm there.

I was really trying to focus on K.

However.

The next thing I knew I was screaming,

"DO NOT USE THE KITCHEN TONGS TO PULL ON YOUR PENIS!!!"



97 comments:

Jenn said...

What page of Dr. Spocks parenting manual did you find that?

Cause I've looked and re-looked, but didn't see it there.

Holly said...

When I stop giggling, maybe I can post a coherent comment! Oh the joys of little boys!

msscmoore said...

That is not the only thingy he's gonna use to play with his penis...I have an 8 yr old boy he made a Lego stick and rubber banded it to his penis and then cried when he tried to pull it off and caught the skin!!!

GLAD TO KNOW I'M NOT ALONE!!!

Joie said...

I can see these days fast approaching ;-)

Bastet said...

Right now, I am happy to have a girl! ;)
Welcome back!

CamiKaos said...

Oh lord, I am completely procrastinating writing the last like 1200 words of my novel for NaNoWriMoblahblah and so I popped in to visit and now I can't stop with the giggles.

Lisa Milton said...

The joys of penis pulling. What will that kid think of next?

flutter said...

Um, he can just keep those tongs....

Sugarplum's Mom said...

oh the things we mothers say.. until I was a mother, I never thought "take your shoe out of your mouth" would be a completely reasonable request.

Misty Dawn said...

Oh my gosh I totally can't breath right now... gasp gasp - hilarious!

baby~amore' said...

OMG hilarious - Poor Mayor ..we had a kid once who used a vacuum cleaner on his ... he came into the paediatric ward where I worked ... a lot bigger than before.

Momo Fali said...

If I'm ever at your house, I'll probably pass on the salad.

Moondance said...

The funniest part is, all the parents of little boys reading this were not shocked - we've all got a penis story too. Never thought I'd react to a comment like "don't use the kitchen tongs on your penis" with such equanimity!

dawn224 said...

Oh, it starts so early. I swear Alex would love it if I'd just diaper his hands right on his penis ... where they always are!

Mama DB said...

Yep, that's why we wash all the kitchen utensils first, before we use them out of the drawer.

Thanks for the laugh. Both my kids turned to me and asked what I was doing when I burst out laughing.

Mrs. Schmitty said...

Snort!

Jenifer said...

OK so my girls stuff dolls up their shirts and yank them out when they give birth...not really the same I suppose.

Jessica @ A Bushel and a Peck said...

OH LORD, I am not looking forward to the days when I have to deal with this sort of thing.

Loralee Choate said...

Oh, man.

That rivals when my son was learning to stand up to pee and he accidentaly slammed the toilet seat down on his penis and sobbed that he wanted me to "Kiss it better!!!"

Lori at Spinning Yellow said...

I was laughing and agreeing with the boy moms who are not phased then I saw loralee's comment and really cracked up!!

They will use what ever they can find, that's for sure.

notfearingchange said...

LMAO...ohmigod...i can't wait til he goes to college! LMAO

tulipmom said...

So did I mention I'm hoping the ultrasound shows it's a girl tomorrow? :)

This is hilarious! Kinda makes me feel better about my son's having to go to the principal's office a few weeks ago after he put a sticker on his penis and showed it to his teacher.

Colleen said...

Where do they come up with these things????

witchypoo said...

*wiping eyes* that was so funny.
With two boys I can totally relate.
Unfortunately, they are old enough now that I have been forbidden to blog about the good ones.
This one is hilarious.

Veronica Mitchell said...

Oh, I laughed. So boy.

Mac and Cheese said...

I'll be laughing at that one all night.

Not the Queen said...

Nice! I'm so glad I have girls.

suchsimplepleasures said...

are you sure it was your son? it could have been mine, y'know. my son is penisly obsessed. he uses anything to play with it! it's so freaking gross!

Hol&J said...

I'm still snickering over here.

QT said...

L.O. Fucking L.

Seriously

JaniceNW said...

Mwahahahahahahahahahaha!

Aren't boys just delightful?

Sarcastic Mom (aka Lotus) said...

LKFJASLKDFJASLKDFJALSKDJFLASKJDFLAKSJDFLKASJDFLKASJL


*breathe*

JCK said...

Okay. Our boys were separated at birth. His teacher recommended we use the tongs in the bathtub to have him pick up things and improve his fine motor skills. Well, he motored to his penis immediately.

Tongs!

Moi said...

Can. Not. Stop. Laughing.

lightening said...

ROFLOL. Aren't you glad you saw him and he didn't put said tongs back in the drawer when he was finished!!!!! My youngest managed to get hold of the kitchen scissors - I suggested that he might need that one day and took them away!

Juju said...

Haven't laughed so much in ages!!!! Makes me glad once again that I have girls :-)

Anonymous said...

not supposed to be typing..but..
having had two boys and a grandson that's so true of boys...anything we can think of they will use in relation to their peanuts...what grandson and granddaughter called them...oh yeah and regina

mauniejames

Woman with kids said...

*snort*

Ah mom, you spoil all the fun...

Mary Alice said...

Things that at 20 you never could have imagined saying. ever. in. your. life.

g-man said...

My son had a Genghis Kahn thumb puppet on his penis in the tub and was talking to it.

At least The Mayor was not sticking it in an egg beater.

~JJ! said...

and...why not?

Pgoodness said...

ROFLMAO. The the things we say as mothers. We should all write a book.

ImpostorMom said...

That is hysterical. If it's already Boog's favorite bath toy does this mean I have tongs to look forward to in my future?

Just a Walk in the Park said...

Hilarious! I am amazed at how young they become obsessed with their private parts! Come over to my blog, I have a little park ranger photo for you today!

3carnations said...

First of all, that's a good rule.

Second of all, darn you for getting me busted laughing at my desk. :)

-The Shiny Happy Mama- said...

Hilarious! Boys are so inventive!

Corgimom said...

Oh dear! Tongs are my son's favorite kitchen toy, too...

mom said...

out loud laughing in my office.

Circus Kelli said...

You know, there are just some phrases you never ever think you're going to hear yourself say...

furiousBall said...

words to live by, words to live by.

actually interestingly enough, that is my grandfather on my mother's side epitaph printed on his headstone.

nikki said...

I scream that to my husband every night.

http://anticsofacrazymom.typepad.com

we_be_toys said...

LOL...is this a new penis enlargement technique? That boy is a stitch! As always, a Joy!

Beck said...

That's just good advice in GENERAL, I think.

Shannon said...

OMG. How funny! I've had Jacob do the same thing. Boys LOVE to manipulate their penis'.

I once found Jacob walking around naked....with his penis poking through a CD. The hole was just big enough for his little pecker to fit through it.

Azuroo said...

I definitely didn't see that coming, took a huge gulp of water as I was reading, then showered my keyboard.

Amy said...

OMG I just chocked on a Goldfish!

That's so funny! So far with Shark no sticking it IN anything. He has tried to shoot me with it.

Mrs. Chicken said...

I'm pretty sure that tops my list of "Things I Never Though I'd Say."

wordgirl said...

Hey...I don't even have a penis, but...OWW!!!

http://wordgirl5.typepad.com/half_of_the_sky

BOSSY said...

Bossy will dole out her salad tonight while thinking strange thoughts.

Judith Shakespeare said...

"but MOM..."

Tell the Mayor I said thanks for the morning belly laugh. LOL.

Queeny said...

HE-larious!!!

Aliki2006 said...

Of all the strange things we, as parents, find ourselves saying, THAT has got to take the cake.

Gretchen said...

The joys of boys. Having one of my own, I've probably screamed something similer - more often than I want to admit.

Miss Eliza said...

that just made me laugh out loud so that everyone around here is prairiedogging to see what's so funny. i needed that!

Lawyer Mama said...

A line I hope I never have to utter.

Considering what they do to it as kids, you'd think they'd have no feeling left by the time they reach puberty.

MommyCosm said...

I just laughed so hard that I snorted...WOW!
Gotta love little boys. Haven't had to say that one to BamBam, yet. I have had to say "get your hand out of your butt" though.
Get you on the trying to give the husband undivided attention. Just doesn't happen with the kids present. Impossible.

kellypea said...

Bwahahahaha! Brings back some memories of my own three boys. A lot of shenannigans can go on in a house with that many penises when you're not paying attention and they want your attention. The boys. Not the penises. Ahem.

Aimee Greeblemonkey said...

That makes me wince and I don't even have a penis!

Emily said...

Funny, I have a similar post up today. Maybe the boys are all in some sort of master mayhem plan.

http://wheelsonthebus.wordpress.com

SmilingMom.com said...

Honestly, are we sharing the same son?? I swear that would be a normal occurrence in my house!

karrie said...

All I can suggest is that if you have one of those devices that measure servings of pasta, get rid of it!

:-)

Karen (Miscellanous Mum) said...

Oh that's nothing - a friend's son sticks his willy through the centre hole in a DVD all the time - and they're not all that big, so sometimes there's, like, scrapage ....

....nasty....

Biddy said...

you owe me a new keyboard...due to the coke that just spewed out of my nose ruining it...hehehehehe

Rock the Cradle said...

Ya know, I was wondering just what I was missing in having a girl...

megachick said...

makes me glad i have girls, oh wait, there's genital misappropriation happening there, too.

crap!

Queen Karana said...

LOL!
No boys in our house, but that was hilarious.

cinnamon gurl said...

It's amazing the things that come out of one's mouth while parenting toddlers, eh?

Hilarious!

Kyla said...

Bahahahaha!!!

deb said...

You are a very wise mother.

Mrs. Chicky said...

Best laugh I've had all day. Thank you!

motherbumper said...

Let's hope no fetishes develop from this experiment.

S said...

LMAO!!!

You know I'm using this as a reference as K grows up!

Mrs. Swizzle said...

Did not see that coming....

Oy the joy!

FENICLE said...

Very creative though!!!

Dory said...

Seriously, literally LOL at that!

You'll have to add that to your "List of things I actually had to say out loud to my offspring".

Denguy said...

That's not something one should use to pull on one's penis. Definitely not.

carrie said...

Oh jeeeez.

painted maypole said...

well, you know, when you lock the sex toy drawer a boy has to find alternatives....

creative-type dad said...

If he's arrested in 15 years in a publlic restroom with tongs....

He's blaming you!

Momish said...

I can totally see this scene going down and I am completely in stitches right now!

Virtualsprite said...

Funny!!!!!!

Rusti said...

LOL!!- Oh my gosh J - that is hilarious!!

Heather said...

Oh, that's good. What is it about boys and nakedness? I have two and it's all I can do to keep them dressed.

EE said...

LOL!!!

tiff (threeringcircus) said...

Oh dear, is that what I have to look forward to?

That gave me a great laugh. Thanks.

Lotta said...

Snort. Only with boys man.

Jo Beaufoix said...

Hee hee hee.
Did you ever think you would shout such a thing ever, in your whole life?