A stranger grabbed me by the elbow and pulled me close.
"I just have to share this with someone," she said.
She broke me from my zombie-like march down the apple aisle at my local farmer's market.
I went to the market for fruit and vegetables because The Lady Flabina has been winning in my eternal struggle with food.
Every day last week she yelled,
"CARBOHYDRATES ARE THE OFFICIAL FOOD OF GRIEF!"
Then she stuffed another piece of chocolate pie in my mouth.
[I swear I didn't CHOOSE to eat all that pie!]
The stranger at the market pulled me towards her.
"Look," she pointed. "I think they meant crop."
The sign above the Rome apples said,
"Delicious New Crap!"
I bought a five pound bag.
125 comments:
I love delicious new crap too!!
LMAO! YOu are what you eat!
hee hee. I love eating crap!
When I read that the stranger grabbed you, I was kind of freaked out.
But, it's nice that you had a witness.
:)
That's pretty funny. Reminds me of the time 20 years ago at work I keyed into the computer system "Department of Pubic Health", I had forgotten the L in public. Invoices went our for 10 months before I discovered my typo.
My fave billboard here is the one for the casino that says, "$3 Craps All Day"
I don't know exactly WHY I love it, but if you're 12 years old, I bet you think it's funny too.
I bought a 5-pound bag of crap, but there weren't apples inside. I still ate it, though.
I am the sort of person who corrals complete strangers in stores. I either ask them for advice, tell them some advice, or show them funny signs. Most of the time I think they think I'm completely lunatic...
I was startled, too, when I read that a stranger grabbed you. I am glad she made sure you didn't miss that little gem.
In Arizona I once saw a sign for a restaurant stating that the food was "Ho Made". LMAO!
LOVE. IT. I would have bought some too, and taken a picture of the sign.
Mmmmm...a 5 lb bag of crap.
I indulge on that very frequently myself.
Carbs are most definitely comfort food.
Oh, that's too funny! I'm glad she pointed it out to you!
Just the medicine you needed! And I LOVE woman for not being afraid to draw you in...
Nothing like fresh farmer's market crap. PunditGirl would argue that the sign was spelled correctly!
I am so glad to know that there are other people out there so amused by grammatical errors that they point them out to other people. In my town, there is an outreach ministry that has a sign out front proclaiming it the "Bowels of Mercy Outreach Ministry". The first time I saw it, I made my husband back up and drive past it again so he could see it.
love it!
Genius.
Well you know what they say, "a 5 lb bag of crap a day keeps the blues away". Glad this seemingly freaky stranger turned out to be a comic-relief-bearing angel in disguise.
I don't particularly like eating crap, but it happens!
This reminded me of a time when me and my daughter went to a Subway Shop and there was a cup on the counter that read, "Leave penis, take penis".....we think they meant pennies.
We had a good laugh.
Carbohydrates are indeed the manna of the mourning - my trouble is: I'm not sure what I'm in mourning for, but I too have been eating "like I'm going to the chair". Your blog about eating baby carrots and the 5 pound breast of chicken epiphany were inspirational articles for me earlier this year. I'm thinking I need to strap on the baby carrot feed bag again!
I heart carbs.
for giggles...I was walking down the hallway this morning (I work in a medical building) and there was a new Internist advertising that he's accepting new patients. And his name? Dr. Kevorkian. I shit you not.
It's nice to know that if life isn't throwing enough crap your way?...you can always buy some. Ack.
Better days friend.
Bwahahahaha!!
She must have thought you could use a smile. :)
I am SO glad the Delicious New Crap is in!!! I was getting tired of the mealy old crap...
Nothing like delicious new crap to make the heart a little lighter ;)
That's my girl. But, seriously, have you tried the Honeycrisp apples? They are totally yum.
That was Great! Thank God for moments like that one, eh?
Hahaha!! I love that she showed you. Definitely a shareable moment.
Hah. Fantastic. I love that she pulled you aside to show you.
hehehhe I love people like that...
That was a great item for 'Headlines' on the Tonight Show.
Sending sunshine, Sweetie. You will get back on track with your eating.
ROTFLMAO
That is great. Too bad you didn't have your camera with you. Would've been funny to send into Jay Leno.
Hysterical.
And that someone was you!
Talk about luck.
Hope you are doing well, I am thinking of you daily!!!!
Who needs chocolate pie when you have a big bag of crap?
Glad there was a funny sent your way; I imagine you need it right now.
In the town I grew up in we hade the pleasure of being the only ones with a resteraunt name Waffle Hos
*snicker*
And really, think of it - chocolate releases the same endorphins as sex - so really the chocolate is just a tastier antidepressant - for now - and you know what? you can be out of balance and one with the carby goodness for now - you'll decide when you are ready to chomp the carrots all day again (poot)
That's love right there, sharing poop or fart jokes is CPR for the sad.
I must have been greiving all my life! And I definitely love eating crap, especially the sugary kind!
Thanks for the laugh!
You've given me something to think about....as it now change my mind for getting a "Flu Shit", as posted on my work's refrigerator.
hahah That is great!
Rome Apples will never be the same again. NEVER!
Thank G-d for nutcase strangers!
that has given me a good laugh. thanks.
I hear that particular kind of crap makes for a great pie...with ice cream.
I was kinda getting tired of the old crap, personally...
Slice up the apples and sprinkle cinnamon on them for an awesome snack. It tastes like apple pie.
Nothing like a doozy of a spelling error to brighten the day.
Sometimes comic relief comes just when you need it...
Jane, Pinks & Blues
Oh god, carbs are my comfort food too. But it's not much comfort when your pants don't fit anymore. I'm glad you were able to find some delicious new crap to replace the chocolate pie.
I'm still sending you the vibes of healing ...
That's rich. And fertile.
LMAO! Crap for sale, eh?
hee hee hee hee! thank you for that! what a great way to get someone to eat more fruit!
although, when my Sam eats too many apples that is exactly what happens! delicious and new poo...
I love that she shared.
Sounds like a kindred spirit.
Nothing like a new crop of crap.
-HH
sounds like my kind of stranger- sorry for all you've been going through jess. i am still around just computer less at the moment...
Sometimes a 5lb. bag of crap is just what we need ... comfort food. Now please pass the M & M's
I would have made the same purchase!
Who could resist the newest crap of apples?!? Sign me up for a bag!
Right. On.
Freakin' hilarious. Good for you for getting back on track. I'm the Queen of Emotional Eating.
Not sure if the sugar would derail you but you can always core the apple, throw dried cranberries inside, pour a TBSP of water on top, cover with plastic wrap and microwave for 3 minutes. Soooo good! (A little brown sugar on top doesn't hurt, either...)
I love it when the planets align. You so needed that.
LOL - I love it, and would probably have had to share it with someone too - but that is what I have y'all for... and phones too :) I hope it made you smile.
HAHAHA! I had some crap myself today. Too bad there's no chocolate pie around, though...
That is so funny, you know that woman was just dying to point that out to someone.
Hahaha! That's great!
chocolate zombie market action.
love it.
Even I am not THAT bad at proofreading.
"um, yeah..."
I mumble, stuffing the 8th Bite o' Brownie down my gullet...
my kind of crap...
I LOVE it, LMAO! LOVE that lady. OMG I'd so fall on teh floor laughing with her.
Delicious crap is the best kind of crap.
Thanks for a great laugh!
Renee theemptynestblog.blogspot.com
Too funny!
And odd... you're the second blog about apples I've read today... Hmmm...
Oh, I love goof-ups like that - especially when they're not my fault. I'd have bought it too!!
Hey I've got a bumper crap of deliciousness for you - get it? get it? oh I crack myself up...
i frequently give my children crap for lunch. it usually isn't advertised as such, though. ;)
and usually i intend to make them veggie bake. but alas... it is still...
snort
i needed that snort. thanks to you and the stranger.
Holy Crop that's punny!
Aww...I think I love the stranger.
HA!!!!
You meet the coolest strangers.
How could anyone resist a 5 lb bag of new crap?
Mmmm, crap... my favorite!
a five pound bag of new, delicious, roman crap? sign me up!!!
If I saw that I'd have to march people over to see it too.
A well needed laugh - too funny!
Mmm. Crispy sweet crap.
How incredible that she dragged you over to read that! Wonderful!
Dude, I love crap.
LOL! How'd she know you needed that (and so did we?). Love me some delicious crap!
Crappy Crisp? Crapple crisp? Either way - I love that.
Everyone needs a 5 pound bag of crap!
Oh, Jess. I've been away and am just catching up.
I am so very sorry.
(But, goodness, if I didn't believe in angels before. Surely she was sent by your Grandma to make you smile, no?!)
ingenious marketing technique, eh?
That was great. Even better, the fact you bought some.
Hugs to you...
Monica
I love finding hilarious typos. There's a lot of them out there.
In the course of my job, I recently ran across a restaurant named "Crapittos." Really?! I think when naming a business you should be required to run the name past a pack of obnoxious teenagers. They would never have let Crapittos happen.
Take that, Lady Flabina!
You have such a beautiful, warm spirit, Jess. You inspire me.
Sounds exactly like what you needed. A big bag of fresh crap. And a friendly face.
Ha...gotta love the stranger for pointing that out.
Oh and the Lady Flabina...yeah, maybe you should just sit on her. That's what I do.
LOL! I would have bought that crap, too!
Crap rules! So do complete strangers that are awesome! Aren't most of us here commenting complete strangers...
hmmmm
This is awesome. I live for public typos.
Jess, I hope this finds you healing and a little laughter lifts your spirit a little bit. Please think of each new bit of joy and laughter as a healing wish from your Grandmother. She wouldn't want you to be sad. PS~ enjoy your crap!!
Oh, the joys of typos and eating craps! (^_^)
Hope you are doing well and the little laughter life brings will get you back to your feet, soon.
Take care!
Made you buy it though, eh? Sounds like a pretty ingenious marketing ploy to me! :) Great post!
~Olga
HAH! Crap is my favorite!
It's "funny" how people come into our lives at the exact right moment!
If I could, I would plant funny stuff like that all over town to make you laugh. Or buy more crap. Whatever.
One cannot fully participate in the Southern grieving process without partaking of chocolate meringue pie. It's just not possible. Enjoy the new healthy crap!
Truly laughing my ass off.
It's much better than Old Crap.
I just came across your blog. Just wanted to let you know that I host a free giveaway every week on my blog for high quality, American made products. I don't make any money off of this, I just want to see more attention given to these products and more jobs stay in America.
I'm trying to spread the word! Come check it out!
Thank you!
That is hilarious! I wonder if they ended up selling more of their "crap" than usual since people got a kick out of the sign.
See, eating crap is good for you.
I LOVE finding errors like that. Love it with a total nerd, English major, control freak love.
Oh, and I thought the foods of grief were deviled eggs, baked ham, fried chicken and pound cake.
How sweet of the stranger to share that funny with you! Carbs and crap rule!
New crap is almost always better than the old crap.
That's awesome! I'd have bought them too!!
totally awesome!!!
: ) That's truly funny!!! Thanks for the smile.
That is excellent. What a terrific pick-me-up.
LOL! That is great! I too would have bought five pounds! You kill me.
oh thanks so much for posting this! i am dieing laughing out loud! so enjoying the laugh. that is hilarious! i got a kick out of a parking sign the other night. it is an alteration shop and it had a foreign language phrase written with pictures of kids and cars and the "no" symbol, but below it said, "no parking children." i love it when translation is messed up like that. too cute. so enjoyed you sharing this little number. hope your night is going groovy, kathleen :)
i enjoyed this sooo much that i posted about it on my buzz blog just now, so more people could come over here and laugh at what you posted. thanks for the laugh. nighty-night, kathleen
Oh, my favourite! Five pound bags of crap!
I love typos like this. I make them, too.
What does it say about where our society is going when we have to pay for it?
i had so much fun with your post. i shared this typo moment with 5 of my co-workers at lunch today when we were sitting in the lunchroom laughing our heads off telling stories. i had so much fun sharing this one. i could barely spit out the words, i was cracking up. we all laughed hard over this one, too. thanks for making my lunchtime even happier today because i had this material to share, too. g'day, kathleen
That is hilarious! Today at the library the Japanese lady at the checkout desk had a sweater with D&C embroidered on the front. I know I'm going to hell because I couldn't stop laughing all afternoon.
I can't believe you bought them. See...I don't need to buy crap at the Farmers Market, I can make it on my own at home.
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