Friday, October 19, 2007

Flutterviewed

A few weeks ago Flutter and I were having a little e-mail exchange and she dared me to answer her interview questions.

DANG!

Here goes...

1) One of the most endearing things about reading your blog, is your obvious love affair with your husband. What are the pieces that glue your relationship together?


I’m glad it’s so obvious that I am in love with him because I am. He is extra yummy.

Let's see. Glue?


When we first started dating… Wait, I can’t start like that.

Since our relationship started as an affair, it’s never had an official start date –- at least not one that felt celebratory.

The start of our relationship can only be remembered as this muddle of secrecy, wrong doing and torture.


Oh, the drama.



Anyway, somewhere in there, when our relationship became legitimate, we had the usual angst based on miscommunication and misunderstanding.

In those times K would scare the CRAP out of me by saying,

“Jessica, I need to check in with you about something.”

Oh. My. Got!! What did I DO? What?

I feared that comment.

[Insert music from the Friday the 13th movie. Ree ree ree!]

I took the whole "check in with you" thing to mean,

“WRONG DOER! YOU MUST BE PUNISHED.”

Time and again, what followed was usually something like,

“When you said, [that] I understood it to mean [this] and my feelings were really hurt. I wanted to check in with you to find out if you meant [this] or something else.”

[Insert deer in headlights. Make sure the deer looks like me.]

Having just come out of a marriage where disagreements were handled by some combination of saying caustically vile, sarcastic things and / or engaging in wars of silence that lasted days at a time this approach was wholly new to me.

He wanted to “check in with me” BEFORE getting angry? What? What?

Over time (and hours of relationship processing conversations) I grew to understand this checking in thing as giving each other the benefit of the doubt.

This practice is a big part of the glue that holds our relationship together because it serves as preventative medicine against hurt feelings and hurt pride.

[Though it does require me to own my thoughtless remarks and apologize for them without even a trace of a good argument. Jeez!]

Other things that I would call the glue...

  • The way that I believe in him, his potential and the very person he is,
  • Our unparalleled love for The Mayor and The Rooster, and






2) Your kids are hilarious, so are you. What role does humor play in your family, and do you think it is important?


This blog is 100% serious. I have no idea what you are talking about.

[Insert rainbows, unicorns, Papa Smurf and a paragraph about how laughter is the best medicine, etc.]

3) You are 16, describe yourself.

Slutty, ho bag with no tact.


"Like a virgin, wheeeeeeeee!"


4) The Mayor has fallen in love with 2 animals at the shelter and you have to choose one. Quick! Giant, sofa eating rabbit or a ferret with chronic gas, and why?

Pssssssshhhhh, easy - - sofa eating rabbit. If the rabbit eats the sofa, I can sit on the rabbit. Besides, I produce enough gas for our house already.

5) Above all else, what is the one thing you hope for your children?

That they operate at a lower decibel level. That they grow up to be close friends.


78 comments:

meno said...

I wonder how many misunderstandings could be avoided with the check-in routine. Should be required teaching in grade school. Instead we learn algebra.

I agree, you are SO not funny. I come here for the serious discussions on world events.

BOSSY said...

This was sweet, Jess.

Dory said...

Oooo, I just connected with you.

Oooo, that sounded a little kinky.

Anywho.

I'm so disgustingly in love with my husband and it's all his fault. He taught me *gasp* talk about feelings (ew. ew. ew.) instead of engage a full on speaking embargo. Complete with sanctions. Totally new concept for me at the time.

Amanda said...

Mmm, parents in love and dedicated to "checking in" and raising their kids with the end goal of the kids being "close friends," that sounds like the script for a very happy life.

Beautifully done!

painted maypole said...

sooo... the sniffing glue is the secret to making your blog so funny. I will have to try that.

NotAMeanGirl said...

Not ONLY are you my idol cause of your wicked funny sense of humor... you're heart inspires me too. You and K just freakin' ROCK!

canarygirl said...

Jessica, I love your heart. You see things in a way that's both endearing and hilarious, and handle difficult situations with grace. Now *that* takes talent.

Jenifer said...

Now it is my turn to surface...you know the glue thing is really apt. In our house it is more like you can't leave we are STUCK in this together right?!

Niceness really does pay off, even if it is hard to do.

Rimarama said...

I love reading about you and your lovely family.

Is it the glue or the sniffing of it that holds things together? (hee)

Mimi aka pz5wjj said...

So sweet what you wrote about K. That's how I feel about my otherhalf!

Serina Hope said...

I love the checking in. I might have to give that a shot. Your K is just great, what a good rational way t o approach life.

Magpie said...

The checking in is a great thing...may have to work on the husband on that one.

I hope your kids grow up to be best friends too.

Super B's Mom said...

I want to be like you when I grow up. :)

nikki said...

It's really all about his willingness to wear a park ranger uniform for you. That is serious love.

(I kind of like my couch. I'd take the farting ferret.)

Lawyer Mama said...

Love how you guys "check in." T is kind of the same way and it took me a long time to feel comfortable with that instead of yelling and insults. But wow, if everyone could do that? It would be amazing.

I love that photo of you with the photoshopped glue snort. Is that a wedding photo? If so, I love that you made faces for it. Hell, that picture exemplifies why I love your writing and you.

P.S. I'd go with the ferret. I blame the gas on invisible elephants anyway, so then I'd have a real live patsy to take the blame.

LSM said...

Great post. And I've been meaning to tell you that last week I went to San Antonio, where several of the Spanish missions are part of the yes, wait for it, National Park system. All I can say is that you've given me a whole new perspective on the national park ranger. I just couldn't make eye contact with them! And, one shop even had the uniform on display.

Guilty Secret said...

Aw, I hope they grow up to be close friends too. That is lovely :)

flutter said...

I love you, Jess. No, seriously.

Thalia's Child said...

The check in thing - that's brilliant.

slouching mom said...

Your relationship with K. is now the envy of many a woman.

Seriously. You are lucky, J.

motherbumper said...

Reading this helped reinforce why I love my SB.

And dude, you totally had a Men Without Hats poster in your room? Safety Dance was Canadian 80s at it's peak.

Holly said...

The checking in thing is so important. My husband is the one who has taught me about good communication and it's so important.

You're blessed to have such a great marriage!

we_be_toys said...

Flutter asks good questions! I love reading your blog (and Flutter's too)- its become my morning routine to check in with you two (and the Queen of Shake-Shake. So much more rewarding than reading the news. Thanks for the comment you left about the cookie recipe - hope you try them out!

Two Shews said...

This made me smile. And want to sniff glue.

tinakala said...

So sweet :) All the best wishes for all of you.

Lori at Spinning Yellow said...

Of course they will grow up to be good friends, they have their parents as role models! If only more people could be funny AND considerate.

You guys rock!

Misty said...

good answers but really great questions...
Also, the start of your relationship is really amazing. It is so rare, these days, to see Adults merge out of a relationship and not more juvenile beings... I too married really young and saw the major issues that had on my marriage...

furiousBall said...

That's how it was supposed to be for me, glad you gots some of that good stuff.

Now stop gloating and make up something depressing.

dawn224 said...

Well done! I still giggle at the story about the photo of you and K with the ex and new wife.Talk about Oh. My. Got.

carrie said...

And that! All of THAT, right there is why we love you Jess!

Excellent!

WorksForMom said...

I'm still giggling at the sniffing glue. This may just be your best post ever (if that's even possible). Freaking. Hilarious. AGAIN.

Kyla said...

This was great, you slutty ho bag. ;)

pinks & Blues Girls said...

I'm feeling the love from here. Great post.

Jane, Pinks & Blues

jen said...

sigh.

J does the check in deal too. i love that.

Queen of Shake-Shake said...

This is awesome.

Audubon Ron said...

Yeah not sure what is up with the funny humorous post question. Most times you make me cry. Well, a guy cry anyway.

As far as communication is concerned I think the whole “I’m checking in with you” is okay, but, my first marriage had a lot of communication issues and the grudge Olympics to follow. It was a very proper affair. I vowed never to do that again when I vowed again. Now it’s smash mouth. “Hey, you wanna fight, come-on little woman, find an opening.” So we lock the door, ring the bell and LET ER’RIP. That little half pint of mine can put a real hicky on me.

Three movies newlyweds need to see:

9.5 weeks
Dangerous Beauty
The Taming of the Shrew

Jo Beaufoix said...

Fab post.
The checking in thing is great.
And the bringing out the best in each other and the dressing up.
Must get some glue.
:D

Hetha said...

You and K, both so very lucky to have found one another. I love to hear about your relationship, you two have something extra special there.

Lisa Milton said...

You are awesome. That's all.

Rusti said...

1 - wow, checking in! brilliant! your obvious love is one more reason I love your blog so much

2 & 3 - LOL

4 - good choice, smart thinking!

5 - that is one of the greatest joys I think... you're a fabulous parent

Fabulous answers to fabulous questions XOXO

Cheryl said...

Coming out of lurkdom to tell you I have a stomach ache from laughing so hard. Thanks

Bon said...

we started married to each others' friends, and so even though all was painfully chaste until the separations were long in place and we decided we could live with flaunting a taboo, it's always felt messy and therefore there's no real start date, no easy stories either.

but i've always thought you & K sound like one of the couples i'd most like to drag over for copious amounts of wine. so clearly you got something working for you. ;)

Mimi said...

greeaaaat post. i like the 'check in' routine. we kinda do something similar over here chez moi. isn't it marvellous to interact with your spouse like both of you have feelings worth being solicitous of?

Cathy said...

I loved this — so glad you accepted the dare.

Karen Forest said...

Very sweet!

Lotus Siva Carroll said...

All I can say here is, "laksjdlfkjsaldfj" which is how I spaz on the keyboard when I'm laughing.

Anonymous said...

I can't read you anymore. It's the affair that it.

Deb said...

Gosh, I think I love your husband, too! I can't believe a MAN has learned the "check-in" thing. Mythical creature that one...

deb said...

You two have something special. I just want to check in with you is a lovely, gentle way to deal with misunderstandings. Who wouldn't love the man?

Queen of the Mayhem said...

The "check in" routine...how very mature of you! I so hate it when Mr. Mayhem makes me be accountable for the thoughtless things I say!


Love the teenage picture...you look HAWT! :)

aimee / greeblemonkey said...

Holy crap, my hubby did/does that "check in with you" thing!!! WTF is that about? It took me years to get used to all the COMMUNICATION and UNDERSTANDING and TALKING instead of YELLING. What are their DEALS, anyway??

holly said...

thank god *someone* is having this kind of experience with their husband. i get "yes, i was really pissed off at you last week." "really, is that why you didn't give me the time of day for five days? hmmmm..."
you are balancing out *my* relationship. thank you!

i've said too much. if my husband comes here, you ain't seen me.

Bastet said...

You are truly inspiring...Love the post! Hilarious!

John J. Kaiser said...

"Let's see. Glue?"

Good to see no horses were harmed in the making of this glue. HA!

Mrs. Fussy Fussypants said...

Aww. Thanks for sharing!

Starrlight said...

Great interview! She is right, you are so obviously in love with your husband and family and it is a such a pleasure to read about!

JCK said...

If we could all "check in" with each other, we'd certainly have a better world. I'm not sure about all the serious gas production though...that could prove to be ...well, challenging.

God, you are hysterical! I went back and read that link -to horizontal parenting. I just love your blog and your sense of humor. It is so needed!

~JJ! said...

If the park ranger glue wasn't in there..I'd know the whole thing was a farce...

You are awesome. So is your relationship with your hottie husband.

Amy Linder said...

Excellent interview! I especially like your "check in with you" approach to your marriage. Hubby and I should seriously check into that.

Have a good weekend.

Damselfly said...

You are so lucky and blessed.

And that picture is hilarious!

Anonymous said...

the reason your life is lovely is that you are lovely..I shall try to learn from you...you got it all going on...and I bet you can't believe how much more patient you have become since number one...I know I can't... keep on with your truly wonderful life.

mauniejames

Jenny said...

I am in love with your 16 year self.

And your today self.

And your husband.

ewe are here said...

Love the things you say about your relationship...

Christina said...

Your husband should give conflict resolution tips on your blog. His "checking in" method could be very useful for so many. Sure beats the "throw a shoe at his head" method.

I didn't realize until now that your relationship came out of an affair. Mine did, too - my husband was in a long-time relationship with someone else. Some day I will tell that story.

Candace said...

oh! I loved this! and reading the back story! I feel so caught up and so in the know!
when's the book?

mothergoosemouse said...

Checking in, benefit of the doubt...we always refer to it as "assuming the best of the other person". This person loves me, wouldn't want me to be unhappy, wouldn't want to hurt me...right?

It took a long time for me to learn it, but I eventually did.

fidget said...

glue sniffers! sweet sappy glue sniffers!

Jennifer said...

Your love for your husband makes me sniffly sometimes. And not in a glue-sniffing sort of way. I save that for Friday nights.

Avery Gray said...

Bo-ring! ;o)

the individual voice said...

This is wonderful. Your willingness to take risks with self-parody is astonishing and your combination of humor, wit and intelligence really speak to the popularity of your blog. I have to say I'm impressed.

Aliki2006 said...

I loved your last answer--so simple, but so true. I hope this for my two as well--it's the best of things.

creative-type dad said...

Nice MAD-donna...!

FENICLE said...

Dude, you two have some mega communicating going on!!

Props to your relationship & "checking in"!

txpoppet@gmail.com said...

Oh my goodness! How am I the last to find your blog? Thank you for signing up for NaBloPoMo so I could finally enjoy the Joys

Jen M. said...

Yep. I come to your blog right after the Weather Channel. Because I hate things that make me laugh (or think). Blech. ;)

I'm so glad you didn't breed with the first one.

Shannon said...

What a wonderful love story you and K share.

JCK said...

P.S. Your "Like a Virgin" photo is a classic and brought back so many memories of a former wardrobe...lace gloves, leggings, bustier, and ... lots of fun. And did I mention lace?

Is that REALLY you? If so, your wardrobe tops mine. I still have the gloves... You?

GoteeMan said...

Thanks for sharing... especially enjoyed the glue snif pic...
LOL-
J/