Thursday, July 26, 2007

Introductions

So... I'm off to visit My Kind of Town today.

While there, I'll meet new people and they might say,


"Who are you?"
or
"Who ARE you?"

or
"Who are YOU?"

I have a hard time with that question.

How am I supposed to answer?

Who am I in what sense?

To prevent being totally stymied by the question, I've been practicing
my quick summary answer...

Hi. I'm Jessica. I'm an exceedingly flatulent woman with asymmetrical boobs, a dorky nature, and a National Park Ranger uniform fetish. I have serious photoshop skillzzz and am generally overcome by THE ABSOLUTE MOUNTING JOYS of trying to maintain enough energy for the post 8:00 p.m. Bow Chicka Bow Wow while living with two very short and loud people.

Do you think that captures it?

Who are you?

Tell me.



65 comments:

Corinna Makris said...

Hey wow I have asymmetrical boobs too. I feel a great sense of relief that this is not one of the items in the Scav Hunt.

See you in Chicago!

mcewen said...

You have boobs! You're allowed to use that word? It's not a banned word? It sounds like it ought to be a banned word.
Cheers

sam said...

Asymmetrical boobies. Nice. That's hot.

Who am I? Just a small little blogger with a big blogger crush on YOU!

Have a great time in Chicago!

WILLIAM said...

Im....Batman.

Bob said...

I am a guy sitting on the fringes of a mostly female world perpetually regretting not being a fully fledged member - and wondering why that is.

Paige said...

Um, yes. That captures it.

I'd just be able to say: "Yeah, the one with the gold lame dress. Where is it? My boobs are too big for it right now."

Queen Heather said...

Who am I?

Um, I'm the Queen. Have you seen my Shake? No? Darn. Hold on while I add in some ass-terisks. *POOF* I'm gone!

Heather said...

Hi, I'm Heather. I am happy wife with an awesome family who is about to be a new mom! I could fuel a small car with my personal gas output, and my dog is cuter than yours.

charlottalove said...

I'm a avid lover of the outdoors stuck in a stuffy air-conditioned office staring at the computer all day. Thus I am a blogger.

Jenifer said...

Have fun and I really mean it, not at all like when I said it before and poked pins in those little dolls...

Nice to meet you Jess. Can I call you Jess? No? OK. Nice to meet you Jessica, I'm Jenifer. I have different gaseous problem and I am known to let out loud belches. My boobs are slightly different sizes, which now that I check could be considered asymmetrical. I don't even try to be energetic past 8pm it is just not possible, but that doesn't stop me from sitting at my iBook until the wee hours. My short people are both girls and I sometimes have panic-filled moments of all the raging hormones our house will contain in a very short while. I give a mean pedicure if asked (despite my feet touching issues) and can fix my hair really well when necessary. I love blogging and all of my bloggy friends and can't wait to go to BlogHer next year.

NotAMeanGirl said...

I'm Tessa. Mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend. (ALWAYS Mom first though) My job is to get healthier and loose weight. I'm quitting my job as a CSR to do so! I'm not going to BlogHer and I'm extremely jealous yet relieved as no one has to view my copious bod just yet. NEXT year... Have it in TX! heh

Jenn said...

I am....jealous.

Have fun!

andi said...

I'm Andi. I have tiny boobs that talk to each other. And Jess cracks me up every time. Have fun at BlogHer - I'm going to pretend I'm not jealous.

Esmerelda said...

I'm a single MILF that plays the mild mannered HR professional and devoted Christian mother by day, but at night (Tuesdays, Thursdays and every other weekend)I become confident and sexy dating girl.

I'm also an obessive communicator and I author a blog that is mostly stupid nonsense. Except when I write porn. Then I'm a cheesy porn author. But people still pay attention and the mortgage gets paid. So there.

Sayre said...

You forgot "avid fan of THE SHOT"...

Have a terrific time in Chicago!

JoeinVegas said...

Hmm, among all these women I am very hesitant to say anything.

Dawn said...

Awesome! If only we could all describe ourselves so accurately - have fun! (and don't make fun of anyone's shirt, ok?! ;) )

And I - well, I am just jealous.

D

JayJenny said...

And we love you!

Have a great time!!

GBK Gwyneth said...

Who am I? I'm a kindie rock junkie with a PhD.

(So we'll be in Chicago this weekend as well. But rockin with Ralph's World, Justin Roberts, ScribbleMonster, Lunch Money, Little Nashville and The Bad Examples at Summer on Southport!)

Miguelina. said...

Hi Jessica!

I'm a big fan of yours. I live outside of Boston. I can't sing.

Martina said...

I am a young english grad who's living the dream in an unplumbed (but wired) cabin in western canada. I have an unhealthy attraction to existential philosophy, dark chocolate, and plaid jumpers. Sometimes I think I could write the great Canadian novel, and sometimes I look out my screen window at the overgrown patch of my father's Christmas Trees and worry it may be hereditary. I found you on find and I'd like to be just like you if I grow up.

-M

Kyla said...

Can't wait to meet you. ;)

Heather said...

Hi Jessica,

I'm Heather, momma to Ethan at Ethan's World. I am so excited for all you who are going to blogher and can't wait to hear tales and see pics of ya'll getting jiggy, there better be a dance floor!

meno said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
meno said...

I am a a fairly ordinary woman with reasonable facility with the language.

And aren't everyone's boob asymetrical to some degree? Let's have a contest.

slouching mom said...

Best. bio. EVAH.

Biddy said...

Hi, I'm Biddy and I'm extremely jealous of all who will be going to Blogher while I sit in an uncomfortable bridesmaid's dress and watch yet another friend be blissfully and sickeningly happy...

did i mention i'm totally jealous???

Lawyer Mama said...

I am sooooo planning to stalk you and your asymmetrical boobs!

Chaos Control said...

Me? Well since you asked …

I’m a middle-aged mother of a pre-schooler, with baby on the way, who is hormonal and cranky and a little bit angry with herself for waiting so long before starting a family. I have a potty mouth that could rival that of a truck driver and am still trying to learn to think before I speak as I’m getting tired of sticking my foot in my mouth. The sounds that are created from my body – none of which smell, by the way – continue to amaze those around me. I am overwhelmed – and well as overjoyed – with all that being a mom has become in my life. And I’m terrified of what lies ahead …

Cathy said...

I also am a Mother with Asymmetrical Boobs. I blame left-breast favoritism and hold both children accountable. Mine are so lopsided, in fact, that the elderly woman sizing me after I finished nursing baby No. 2 couldn't stop commenting on it. I remain scarred.

Have fun in Chicago!

Circus Kelli said...

Have a great time in the big city!

Wait, William is Batman? I thought *I* was Batman. Hmm. Maybe I'm BatMOM, then... I'll have to get back to you on that...

Gingers Mom said...

Don't we all have asymmetrical boobs? Mine are asymetrical...but at least they don't leak anymore.

Nancy said...

LOL ... You need to type that all out on a "Hello my name is" .... tag to wear!

Reading all the post Blogher attendees blogs, I am regretting not signing up.

Augs Casa said...

I'm a poor little country boy trying to make it in the big city.

Cece said...

I'm hungry. How are you today?

stella said...

I am 29 in 21 days. I have anxiety, but no longer take medication for it. I won’t drive on the interstate if its raining, because that’s when the REALLY bad accidents happen. I live in your hometown, where I am steadily developing a bad case of Road Rage. My husband quit farting for me, I told him it might increase his odds of getting laid. I think he’s as sexy as Brad Pitt, see? http://www.flickr.com/photos/37088699@N00/486648629/
but not so much when he farts. I went off birth control after 14 years on the pill. Just this last Sunday I had what felt like the first period of my life. I cried ALL DAY. I like to take baths, rock climb, and knit.

And most of all, I'm very jealous you are off to BlogHer. Please take lots of pictures. And snag BOSSY's red Chucks for me.

umkay?

stella said...

damn it.

one more try. here is my little hot tamale. we'll make cute babies someday...and I hope they look just like him.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/37088699@N00/486648629/

Kevin Charnas said...

You don't want to know...trust me.

Hope that you have a fantastic time in CHICAGO!! CHICAGO!! IT'S A WONDERFUL TOWN!! A-DA-DA-DA-DA!

aimee / greeblemonkey said...

Have fun, ladies! :)

Jessica said...

I'm also Jessica, and I'm also married to a K. Unlike you, despite lots and lots of trying, I only have one small loud person. I was also shocked that there weren't companies lined up to hire me when I graduated with my BA in Psych. Blow to my personal awesomeness, indeed! I was in gifted and talented dammit. So, I took a job as a Sales Assistant for a hotel making $10 an hour. BA in Pysch my ass!

I love your blog, I hope you have a fantastic weekend!

Queen of the Mayhem said...

I just knew you would have some kind of BlogHer post....HUSSY! :)

Since I am NOT getting to go...I will practice my introduction here.

My name is Queen. I am an extremely neurotic, obsessive-compulsive person with a pension for needing to be in control. My kingdom includes a king and two children....one extremely compliant daughter who is destined for MENSA (hee-hee) and one son who is being fitted for his orange jumpsuit as we speak! Throw in a dash of inflated self importance, ( I mean....I refer to myself as the Queen!) and just a touch of humor and you have me!

I hope you have a wonderful time!

flutter said...

I am a friend you haven't met yet

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

You knock 'em dead soul sistah.

I bet your the only BlogHer attendee to use both the words fetish and mounting in your 10 second bio.

Yee haw! ;)

notfearingchange said...

Nice....

I am just a girl who should be a woman...but still just a girl. i say that as i drink a cooler on my puter

carmachu said...

Who am I? A 5 year old running around in an adult body still playing pretend....


Love your description....

NoMommy said...

Hi Jessica,

I am the mommy of a 2 year old little bug. Gas often allows me to act as my own personal floatation device. I suffer from insomnia, so after 8 I am asleep just until my head hits the pillow.I am married to a wonderful man who has recently begun wetting the bed. You make me laugh everyday, so thanks. It is great to meet you.

momomax said...

I'm a superhero.

secret identity doesn't allow me to meet other bloggers, sadly. too skeery.

have fun.

urban-urchin said...

I am the walrus. Coo-coo-chacu

Jan B said...

Bond. James Bond.

crazymumma said...

And I love you for all the things that you are.

and I am ....riding on my own personal crazytrain today.

Have so much fun at blogher!

Mandy said...

Well, that sums it up! LOL. How could they not love you!

Aliki2006 said...

Have a fantastic time!!!!

liv said...

I'm Liv. I once had some asymmetry but got that cleared up with some plastic surgery. Now I have 2 slightly deflated post nursing breasts. I am chronically afflicted with irritable bowel syndrome which is further complicated by my addiction to grande, nonfat, no-foam lattes. I tend to talk too much when nervous, eat too much at all times, and am insanely flexible. What? Did I say too much? Why are you walking away?? Jess!!!!

EcoFloridaMag.com said...

Yep. Sounds like you.

Terri@SteelMagnolia said...

:-)

Tammy Duplessie said...

I am a seriously stressed out mommy with an addiction to coffee!

Worker Mommy said...

Hi Worker Mommy here...bitter and jealous that I'm not going

allrileyedup said...

Hope you enjoy BlogHer. Maybe next year for me...

I'm glad for BlogHer because while everyone else isn't blogging, I can catch up on reading older posts.

Meegan said...

I am the mama of a ten and a half month old cuckoo-bird. She's busy busy busy which means I'm even busier. I'm also a Chicagoan and I hope you enjoy my fair city. I love it here. LOVE. IT. Explore, Enjoy, and Please Report Back. :)

Heather said...

HI again Jessica,

I'm back reading the other comments, it's been fun seeing how other people introduce themselves. And, I'm bored since all my favorite bloggers are in Chi-town and not writing.

Just want to say, I am royally confused by the comment from neria sebastien, do you get those offers often? Is that just spam?

-Ethan's momma

Liam's Mom - Gina said...

That was an awesome summary! You'll have them rolling.

I'm with Sam, I have a blogger crush on you too! If I lived anywhere near you I'd probably force you to be my friend.

Trish said...

Hi. I'm Trish. I can be a seriously hyper creature bordering on manic. I live with two men-folk, one of which burst from my womb in a decidely forceful manner almost 18 years ago. My favourite passtimes include messing with people's heads, hanging with the soon-to-be-18-yr-old and causing general mayhem, poking people with a stick, acting like I'm 6, and power-shopping. Oh, and I like sushi, cute and fluffy things that aren't nauseatingly so (like stuffed, plush germs and diseases for instance). I've been told I'm sick n' twisted, but I don't believe them. They're all against me. Those barstids.. Uhm. I mean... so how YOU doin'??

Scarlett Wanna Be said...

Me?...I have gas.

Jenny said...

I'm the girl who stole some of your hair for my Jess Doll. (Take it as a compliment.)

Michael said...

So sorry that I missed you when you were in my great city. My parents were here this weekend as well and I'm sure they would have enjoyed meeting you...although they would have been totally confused on how I had met a girl on the internet...

Hope that you had a great time!