Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Epiphanies

Sinking to a new motherhood low, I hid in the pantry and ate a fudgecicle.

Sharing is for pussies.

"Play with me, Mommy!"

"No."

I can't seem to kick the nasty sickness that has invaded my body and I have no energy for my role as a parent.

I am in no mood to pretend I am a tree limb chipping machine or a firefighter and on one of my better days I would think that was sad.

These are NOT my best days.

Hiding in the dark pantry and wallowing in the hollow scoop of my maternal nadir, my two sophisticated reflections on parenting were,

"Why haven't I ever thought of hiding in here before?"
and
"As God is my witness, I will never go pantryless again!"

86 comments:

mcewen said...

My, my, my - I'll take that as two signs for the future. Unfortunately I won't be able to look for the same clues in myself as we are sadly without a pantry.
Cheers

NotSoSage said...

Damn. Gotta get me a pantry.

Heather said...

You just inspired me to clean my pantry. It's currently in such a sad state that I can only reach in and grab stuff, or throw more stuff in!

Gretchen said...

I generally use the bathroom as my hideout.

Jackie said...

Gotta get me a pantry.
Feel better!

Mamma said...

I'll only begin to worry when you show up this weekend wearing curtains.

Rachel said...

Yeah, I need a pantry. I always wait until after the child is in bed. But sometimes she isn't really asleep yet and she hears me sneaking into the kitchen.

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

Damn, that must be some pantry...I wish I could fit in mine. And that it was soundproof.

Little Monkies said...

So been there, so been there.

Lawyer Mama said...

Um, I've done that before. I tell the kids that Mommy is having a time out.

Tabba said...

I have sooooo had those days. Hiding behind the basement door, on the dark steps, eating a bowl of ice cream undetected.

I don't have a pantry. But our next house will!!

hang in, sweet momma. hang in.

Omaha Mama said...

I'm so jealous that you've got a pantry to hide in.

For me, it's when I dare to shut the door to pee and there are little fingers reaching under the gap. "Mommy! Let me in! Why did you shut the door?!"

Sharing IS for pussies. ;-)

Get well soon. No one can be on their A game every day. Not even you.

QT said...

I hope you start to feel better, friend. I hide food from my BF all the time, and eat it after he has gone to bed, (mmm, Poppycock) so don't feel too bad about THAT ~

Paige said...

my office and the bathroom are my hideaways...

which is not to say that she never finds me. she does. and she screeeeeams bloody murder until i resurface.

ah...love.

call me if you need some chicken soup. or, i can bring you some of my granny's super-special cold remedy, which involves bourbon.

DD said...

I swore you had written "pantiless".

What's even funnier is take every comment that says "pantry" and replace it with "panty".

Good times!

Kelly said...

I've never been a pantry girl myself. The buggers always find me! I have a nice walk-in closet that I really like.

Hopefully your trip to blogher will recharge you! Until then...enjoy those fudgesicles!

Jenifer said...

Who has not grabbed a handful of Jelly Belly's on the way up to bath?

What are you chewing Mama? Nothing sweetie.

No guilt at all.

karrie said...

I sometimes suffer from momstipation.Severe momstipation.

Do you have any EmergenC?(If not, easy to find at Trader Joes, Whole Foods, etc.) Start chugging the stuff and rest up. :)

Kevin Charnas said...

Eat up now, 'cause they don't have fudgecicles in H E double toothpick.

Of course, I'm kidding...sweety.

They DO have them there, they only last half a second though...So, I think it's pretty mean, if you ask me.

Marmite Breath said...

Tis the right of every mother to hide in the pantry with a fudgesicle.

mothergoosemouse said...

That is why, despite my anal tendency to hermetically seal all foodstuffs, you will find open bags of cookies in my pantry. Easy access. FOR ME.

sam said...

I wanna pantry!!! *pouts*

Puuuhlleeassee! Can I have a pantry!?

tulipmom said...

So if I cleaned out my pantry, I could hide in there? Hmmmm ....

Forget it ... I'll stick to the bathroom for all 2 seconds it takes until S.B. finds me.

Hope the cloud lifts soon.

Jenn said...

Make room.

I'll be there with my spoonfuls of peanut butter, hershey's syrup to spread on top.

radical mama said...

I can't say I don't hoard special treats now and then, and I have to hide in the bathroom so you have an advantage there. I remember your raspberry post and I was riddled with guilt because, seriously, although I may have shared I would not have had any joy in watching my child scarf down a cherished snack! Now I feel a little better. ;)

meno said...

I am pantryless on a daily basis. Poor me.

Worker Mommy said...

I'm gonna go make some room in the pantry now.

aimee / greeblemonkey said...

Seriously. Let's have a bread pounding party.

Oh, and I TOTALLY hide treats from Dex.

Mimi said...

Pantry, huh? I hope you're feeling better soon. If it counts for anything, I hate sharing treats too. I'd rather hide my shame than have anyone see me begrudging husband and daughter a bite of cookie / ice cream / cheese / martini. Sigh.

Tell me the secret knock and I'll bring fudge!

corgimom said...

Sorry you're still under the weather.
We didn't have a pantry so bought the house next door...seriously.
Get better soon and have a blast and BlogHer!

cry it out! said...

Things to do today:
A. Buy Fudgsicles
B. Clean out pantry

Why the hell didn't I think of this? The pantry is so much roomier than the pack and play.

liv said...

you know, I'm in the middle of looking at real estate right now and the one with the pantry is looking like the clear front runner. feel better, dammit!

Christina_the_wench said...

Earplugs. So when they scream for you, you can't hear it. Just a thought.

Ally said...

Oh, I have a big case of pantry envy now. I definitely won't fit into my little spare cupboard.

Em said...

Hiding and eating of the forbidden fruit is one of the special moments of parenting. However, my forbidden fruit is most often chocolate chip ice cream.

GoteeMan said...

you go, girl... gotta have a place of peace, quiet, retreat, and of course, sugary snacks!

J.

~JJ! said...

Hee hee...in the closet...I'd do that...I would! I swear.

Cece said...

I'm guilty of hiding/sneakingly eating food w/o my kids. I bought it so I can do that. ;-)

katy said...

Just wait until your kids get old (and smart) enough to hide food from you ;-)It took me a month to figure out where my daughter hid her chocolate Easter bunny that she doesn't like that well anyway.

sherif said...

My mother tells of making an excuse to go to the local (re: small and expensive) grocery store just so that she could buy a candy bar. Then she'd ride around town and eat it before she came home. I used to wonder why sometimes it wasn't safe for me to ride over on my bike...

NoMommy said...

Adding pantry to the list of necessities in my next house.

Deb said...

Yep, Bathroom with the fan on, door locked, and laptop always do me good... of course I make sure that the kids are fed, changed and have what they need before I go in there... kudos to you for taking a MOMMY TIME OUT!

Diane said...

If only I couldn't relate...
I, however, have no pantry. And he follows me to the bathroom. Maybe I could hide under my bed?

Carla said...

Hide n Seek was my fave game for a long time. I hid in the bathtub for like 25 minutes! No pantry for me either. Wah.

Lisa Milton said...

Rest dear pantry-dweller and feel better soon.

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

Must. Get. Pantry.

Hope you feel better soon!

p.s. sometimes I sneak Fruit Snacks from the girls' stash.

TastesLikeCrazy said...

I remember while I was pregnant, reading an article in some "mom" magazine about a mother who didn't want to share her milkshake with her daughter.
I specifically remember telling Tucker that I would never do that.
Guess what? I did it.
So, I completely understand hiding in the pantry.
Oh, and panties are overrated.

Super B's Mom said...

It would take a pantry the size of Texas to accomodate my fat ass. I do, however, have a rather nice broom closet.

Note to self: Buy fudgecicles. And Milk Duds.

kgirl said...

I so need a pantry. Waiting for Bee to go to sleep before I eat ice cream doesn't always cut it.

Twisted Cinderella said...

I have never hidden in a pantry but I have been known to wait for after bedtime for the good stuff. I guess I'll never make mommy of the year now, will I?

For the Love... said...

Ummm....as I type this I am eating a smore. Not just a smore, but the last smore..that I snuck into the kitchen a few minutes ago and nuked....

ewe are here said...

I do these things.

Only today it was chocolate chip cookies.

flutter said...

huh. I didn't relize that having kids was a requirement for hiding in the pantry....

Aliki2006 said...

I wish we had a walk-in pantry, but I like others use the bathroom as my refuge.

Kyla said...

Hahaha! Been there.

Blog Antagonist said...

Man, I'm sorry you're not feeling good. Nothing sucks more than being sick and still having to be the Mommy. It's Gooooooooooood when they're old enough to bring you stuff and ask you if you're okay...even if it means you have to eat tepid soup and burned toast.

Your day is coming. Feel better hon.

Monica said...

Hi there!

Boy we've all had those days. Make sure you have time for yourself you know? And lots of fudgecicles! Er, I spelled that one wrong... :)

Okay, lots of treats for you!

Love and Light and Beautiful Pantry Silence,

Monica

jen said...

it's blogher time, friend. simply true.

Cathy said...

Fantastic idea! Got the fudgecicles, but not a walk-in pantry...

Hope you feel better soon.

Sayre said...

That was the ONE thing that I liked about the last house we lived in... the pantry. I even went so far as to unscrew the lightbulb in there.

Stepping Over the Junk said...

I DID THE SAME THING TODAY. Sort of. I had a popsicle with the kids. And then I hid in the LAUNDRY ROOM and ate a fudgecicle. Because I gave them a choice "you may either have a pop or a fudgecicle" and they chose the pop. If they saw me with the fudgecicle AFTER they already saw me with the pop, I would have been in huge trouble.

slouching mom said...

My theory is that THE SUMMER SHOULD BE OVER AND THE KIDS BACK AT SCHOOL.

I mean, enough already!

Alpha DogMa said...

Fudgecicle, huh? Me, I prefer hanfuls of Chipits eaten straight from the bag. However, my kids have learned to detect the smell on my breath, "HEY, is it snack time again?"

stella said...

pms?

coming off the pill has really screwed me up. this last weekend, i had my first REAL period in about 15 years. and i felt EVERY MOMENT OF IT...from the awful cramps, to the heavy bleeding...and a whole ENTIRE DAY OF CRYING. good times.

good effing times.

we need to hit the chocolate bar eh?

s

FENICLE said...

I lock myself in the bathroom. Only room in the house with a lock. :)

carrie said...

Sorry you are still down in the dumps.

It is always good to have a place all to yourself in which to eat fudgesicles.

Hope they work their magic soon!

Carrie

Mrs. Chicky said...

Pantries - Not just for canned tomatoes anymore.

Nancy said...

Your kids are still young, you can "hide and go eat" (new form of old game) ... when they get older, you'll find hiding places for you "stash of nonsharables", and STILL have to hide to eat them.

I used to put Dove ice cream bars in an emptied out box of Stoffers spinach soufflé. I don't think they ever figured that one out.

I hope you shake that bug soon.

Pgoodness said...

ooh, I love me some pantry! Some times I just act like I'm looking around and I'm stuffing my face with the good stuff! Sharing is overrated! Feel better soon!

g-man said...

Sounds like you found the silver lining. Feel better soon. :)

gingajoy said...

awwwww.... you poor thing:(

NOW SNAP OUT OF IT, BETCH. 2 DYS TIME. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M ASAYIN'

crazymumma said...

...but were you down on your knees shaking your fudgecicle at the setting sun?

the other day. the girls came to me, why oh why mummy did you eat almost all of the icecream?

because my pretties. I had too.

Fidget said...

I hide in the bathroom. If someone comes looking for me I can always yell. I need privacy, I'm POOOOOOOOOOPING... I'm sure one day that will discourage them

mayberry said...

See now what you need is a few days with the Wild Women of the Internet.

Magpie said...

Damn. Now I wish I had a pantry.

Bon said...

"the hollow scoop of my maternal nadir..."

beautiful. and helpful. i was wondering where i'd been the past couple of days...

shoulda had a fudgicle while i was at it!

Mad Hatter said...

My house is huge and yet there never seems anywhere to hide. Did I ever tell you that for the longest time Miss M called potato chips "all gones" b/c that's what I said whenever she caught me. Ah la, it happens.

ali said...

pantries are the BEST!

momomax said...

sharing for pussies...otj, you complete me.

Mrs. Chicken said...

I can't believe it took you so long to figure it out. How do you think I gained 15 pounds??

By eating Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls in the bathroom, that's how.

Mel said...

Mine is my bed, in my room, door closed, with a bag of Doritos. Cool Ranch.
And the husband is enjoined to keep them out of my face, or there will be great wailing and gnashing of teeth.
And that would be just me.

urban-urchin said...

that's what the basement and the attic are for 'round these parts.

hope you feel better soon. If it helps at all I'm sick with strep throat again- you're not alone.

Lotta said...

Good lord get better so we can have drinks! Now that's a parenting priority!

carmachu said...

I hide in the basement...works better and mommies and kids arent allowed...

EE said...

My Aunt lives 2 streets away. My daughter is almost 13, so I leave the kids with her and head over to my cool, childless aunt's house!!

Love your last line!!!

Liam's Mom - Gina said...

I go out to the garage to that freezer and sneak treats... that is my "pantry" I guess you could say.