Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Mumble Jumbled Joy

Every night since I left for New Orleans, The Mayor spiked high fevers at night.

[Let's go for ELEVEN weeks straight without working a full work week, shall we?]

Earlier this afternoon,
all the New Orleans meeting participants finally filed out of the conference room.

I was surveying the jumble of three-ring binders, hand-outs, drink cups and half-empty goody bags when my phone rang.

It was K.


I was hardly able to talk to him while I was in New Orleans because we worked from 6:30 a.m. to 11:30 p.m. at night.

[Where was the fancy hotel sleep in session I was hoping for?]

[Oh, and what kind of hotel doesn't offer you any coffee in the morning? Four dollars? For my first cup of coffee of the day? That is just rude.]

When I answered my cellphone, K told me that today was The Mayor's three year old check up at the pediatrician's office.

[Though neither of us had remembered to put it on our calendars.]

K said that at the pediatrician visit, the doctor told him that The Mayor's spleen was enlarged and sent K to the children's hospital for blood tests.

K went on to tell me that so far the tests have indicated that he has a some kind of virus -- perhaps mono. Mono? Three year olds get mono?

I am totally confused.

I got mono as a freshman in college. I was in Florida on spring break.

At first I was devastated because the doctor said I would have to go on medication and wouldn't be able to have any alcohol - and there I was in Daytona. But this fine, upstanding man from Florida made it all up to me with a free bag of Darvoset. Lovely man. Lovely.

Worried about The Mayor, I caught an earlier flight back to Georgia.

I arranged for a colleague to drive me home from the airport, but when I came up the elevator into the baggage claim area, K, The Mayor and The Rooster were all waiting for me.

Surprise!

They brought a picnic dinner and we shared our first Family of Joy Airport Picnic.

[Highly recommended.]

The Mayor seems o.k.

I'll look forward to hearing the rest of the results of the blood tests.

Kind of an alarming and charming way to end a business trip... pediatric hospital blended with sweet airport surprise pick-up and picnic dinner.

***************

I do have a short confession about my trip to New Orleans...

I was there to help faciliate an annual meeting (same one as last year) for some fortune 100 CEOs and Civic Leaders.

I was bent over the nametag table when a bus load of them strode down the hall towards me on their way to the conference room.

The precise moment that about 100,000 of them were right behind me, a sonic blast of The Mighty Wind set itself free.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I farted (loudly) in their general direction.

Oh. Yes. I did.


74 comments:

PunditMom said...

I'm glad The Mayor is OK.

As for that wind thing, first-grader PunditGirl is WAY into "gassing" on people right now --- do I envision a possible contest coming up? ;)

jen said...

good thing your farts are floweresque, yes?

sorry to hear about the Mayor? Who's he been kissing? (not me, dude)

keep us posted. oh, and airport picnics sound perfect.

liv said...

I guess I could also confess to releasing a mighty loud wind at last Saturday's yoga class shortly before savasana. Don't tell anyone. They think it was the hairy dude next to me. Shh!

Omaha Mama said...

How scary to be that far away and worried about a sick kid. How scary to lose control of gas functions at such a crucial point in time. You didn't mention if it was heard by the crowd or if you lucked out!

imhelendt said...

They make meeting-grade Gas Ex for just those kind of occasions. ;)

theotherbear said...

Hahaha - I feel so much better about farting on my new boss now. Who, I might add, is still avoiding me. Thank you, my sistern.

Hope your little Mayor is OK. He should stop kissing so many girls.

Mrs. Chicken said...

I so hope the Mayor is better so soon!

And the farting? Perfection.

Momish said...

I wish I was there for that! I hope the Mayor feels better so you all can have many more picnics at the airport (how sweet is that K of yours?)

Patience said...

Get well, little Mayor!! (And whatever you do, don't pull Mommy's finger!)

Fairly Odd Mother said...

Public farting! Too much fun!

Hope the Mayor is doing just fine. A spleen? Is that necessary??

slouching mom said...

Oh, oh... Not the best way to end a trip, with that worry. I'm sorry.

Glad to hear that the culprit is just a virus. Will keep my fingers crossed until I hear that the rest of the bloodwork checks out.

CamiKaos said...

John Cleese would be so proud!

I hope the Mayor is doing well.

Alpha DogMa said...

Has the Mayor been running with loose-moralled hussies? At daycare? We know all about the vixen he lives with. And I ain't talkin' about the Rooster, sistah.

Sorry to hear about the Mayor. I'm sending happy thoughts to the Mayor's spleen, because the spleen is the most underappreciated human organ and could use some extra love.

Keep us updated.

N

flutter said...

awwww little Mayor! Hope he's wreaking havoc again soon. Bravo on the mighty wind, girl, BRAVO!

KC said...

You eat a lot of fiber don't you?

What a nice surprise at the airport!

Queen of the Mayhem said...

First of all, mono went around Junior Mayhem's preschool class.....it is not pleasant...but not the end of the world!

As for the mighty wind....it was the Big Easy...they were probably already two hurricanes into the day...so they won't remember!

(Pat O's hurricanes...not the destructive kind....just for the record!)

Hope he feels better soon!

Paige said...

Oh my god, poor Mayor. Let me know how the tests turn out. That's scary.

As for you...and your mighty wind...good Lord, you need to rein it in with those carrots.

So rein it in, I say!!!

QT said...

You know I have been waiting for the re-emergence of the Mighty Wind.

I am sorry to hear about the Mayor - I will keep my fingers crossed for him.

Lawyer Mama said...

So glad the Mayor is OK! If it helps, I understand mono is much less seious in kids than in teens and adults.

The Mighty Wind blows into New Orleans! And I love the Monty Python reference.

jakelliesmom said...

Hope the boy does not have the version of mono I had my first quarter of freshman year. I threw up a lot and slept a lot. Easier to deal with at 19 than at 3, though. Hoping more that it is *only* mono and nothing more.

And the gas. Oh dear. I'm going to have my beloved husband read this to confirm that I'm not the only one who has (ahem) aired in public.

Major Bedhead said...

O had mono AND strep throat as a four year-old, so it can happen. She wound up in the hospital for two weeks, but she also has type 1 diabetes and they were worried. As was I. And if they tell you they want to do a spinal tap and that they want you to hold your child while they're doing it? Say no and walk away. With said child. Jesus that's something I don't ever want to have to go thru again.


You are just fart-o-rific, aren't you?

Karly said...

Yikes. How scary for you! I hope the rest of the tests come back good!

Mamma said...

Enlarged spleen? That IS scary.

Airport picnic? How weirdly romantic!

Gassing the swankety-swanks? Guess K isn't the only one getting blown.

ann m. said...

I will be sending good thoughts the Mayor's way.

I think as long as your wind didn't smell like elderberries, you should be OK ;)

Cathy said...

Oh yes -- we went through the mono tests in our household, back when I was a wee thing -- and then again when lil sis No. 1 also fell ill.

(Neither case proved to be mono, and we never did get a specific reason as to why I & the lil sis were sick for so long.)

I hope the Mayor feels better soon and that the doctor is able to provide some answers and reassurance.

As for the Mighty Wind -- could I borrow you perchance for one of our newsroom meetings? We need something powerful to break them up quickly.

amyerj said...

Ni!

I hope Mayor the Player is OK soon!

Mel said...

Oh, man! I hope all is well with the Mayor. I gasped, actually gasped at the news.
Then I laughed loudly about your ill-timed Mighty Wind.
But I'm still worried about the Mayor.
(((You)))
(((The Mayor)))

Indecisive Woman said...

Your Mighty Wind comment made me feel better about my own wind incident yesterday. Luckily it was only in front of my friend who is also pregnant, so she understood. But still, it was a little embarrassing. Ah, the JOYS of pregnancy.

aimee / greeblemonkey said...

First and foremost, hope little Mayor dude is OK. Eeks. Scary.

Second, when were you in Daytona? I went to college in St. Augustine and was *frequently* in Daytonma during Spring Break. Maybe we've met!

notfearingchange said...

I'm glad the Kid is good...however if it is any help there are 3 types of mono...I had 2. The first hospitalized me - 6 weeks in and out of the hospital and consciousness. I was 14. I was not kissing boys - I did that at 13. What can i say i was a good girl at 14 - good girls it seems end up getting punished.
Then the second strain came to me whilst being monogamous and in love in university. Again being a good girl. I wasn't so sick - but sick enough to notice something was wrong...
Maybe the Mayor has been too good lately? Just a thought. ;-P

nfc
ps i'm sending you my resume for the next time you're around the 100s...*shrug* you can distract them by flapping it in their faces. ;-P

SUEB0B said...

My best wishes for the health and happiness of your family.

And the Mighty Wind? I have so been there. Congratulations, you're in my club.

ffbgirl said...

You made me laugh out loud! And the monty pthon reference was perfect! I am pregnant and had a might wind issue with a couple of my students the other day... I am going to say that the big wigs didn't notice because in my care bear world (and probably not in reality), my students didn't notice either--haha!

Lots of positive thoughts are flowing your way for The Mayor.

Queen Karana said...

Ugh, that waiting period for mono is killer. Had to go through the same thing with DD age 4. She spiked this insane fever that would not quit for 5 days... mono test came back negative. She turned out fine.

The Mayor will too. :) Welcome home!

SciFi Dad said...

I'm glad the Mayor was doing better. Hopefully, it won't be mono. Sending good thoughts your way.

karrie said...

Poor little Mayor--hopefully it is not mono.

And all I have to say is that my upcoming hotel visit better include pots and pots of free coffee. I have never heard of a hotel--even really crappy ones--that did not have free coffee.

Tabba said...

Jess, FWIW.... a friend of ours, relatively recently, was going through the same exact thing. His spleen was enlarged, he wasn't feeling great, had blood tests. The only thing they could conclude was he was just fighting off an infection. He didn't have Mono, but was fighting something.
It didn't last long, was sort of a nuisance. I just thought that might help....

The airport surprise does sound lovely!

I was going to say I feel sorry for your roommate(s) at Blogher. I fear for their safety if exposed to the Mighty Wind. But Jen was good to remind us that yours smell of bright red roses.

WILLIAM said...

I hope the Mayor is okay.


BEANO

angela said...

That was a great confession. Remind me to never stand behind you.

Sending shrinking spleen thoughts the Mayor's way!

jchevais said...

I'm sure they had it coming...

Glad the Mayor is ok so far.

Lotta said...

Lord, the illness! I hate when kids get scary sick. Hope he's feeling better and better.

Suits have fetishes, no doubt some of them were all hot and bothered by the mighty wind.

Heather said...

Ha! Thanks for a great morning laugh!

I will be thinking of you and the Mayor. Hope all is well!

Shannon said...

I'm glad that the Mayor is seemingly OK.

And I can't believe you farted...out loud. But you know, women's farts don't smell, so I guess it was harmless.

Mom on Coffee said...

Wow, I hope the Mayor is ok. So scary.

Public Farting...Sweet!

charlottalove said...

Mono? Isn't that the "kissing disease"?

Welcome back to Georgia. That picnic sounds fun. :o)

Jenifer said...

I'm glad they were able to tell you what it is that is making him ill. Hopefully, the blood work will confirm it all. We had a mystery virus this winter that was never really resolved...and it took forever for the girls to get well.

Sorry didn't mean to sound doom and gloom!

An airport picnic sounds fun. We recently went to pick up the girls Papa from the Airport and they loved it.

Starrlight said...

You go girl! I'd be farting at people too if I had to pay 4 bucks for my first cup of coffee.

Serious note, I am hoping everything is a-ok for Mayor.

Mrs. Schmitty said...

I hope the Mayor is okay. I hate waiting for test results.

How special was that picnic, priceless!

Christina_the_wench said...

Only you...lmao.....

Sayre said...

Well, we all know how the Mayor likes his constituancy... Mono, huh? Actually, I had mono last year (big shock), but it's not necessarily related to swapping spit. My husband was relieved to hear that...

Jen Magnuson said...

Oh, poor Mayor. Fingers crossed for your little munchkin.

And the mighty wind - you are a mighty brave and honest soul. All these stories about wind and such amuse me, a woman who has no bowels or bladder.

Karen Forest said...

Glad the Mayor is alright. Mono, isn't that the "kissing disease?" Hmmmm.....you might want to scope out the girls at daycare.....

Also, love the mighty wind. Love it! How funny!

Shelly said...

Farts Happen. But... I am laughing at you, sorry ;)

My daughter (age 11) had mono this year, but I don't know about 3 year-olds. The "good news" is that once you've had it, you don't get it again.

mimikatemom said...

Yay K for holding the fort down.

Yay Mommy for not completely freaking out.

I have no doubt the all-powerful Mayor will kick mystery virus's ass in no time. May Rooster's virus fighting force field be fully functioning.

Welcome home!

Holy Shit We are Getting Hitched said...

I had mono just before I turned 5. I don't remember much except coloring- a lot. My mother said that it was much easier to deal with (the fatigue that is) than when you get it later-- for what it is worth.

I don't even know you yet I feel your pain with the Mighty Wind. I had a meeting with the governor of our crappy state when I had a mighty wind issue-- that brought with it another issue-- and I had to make an emergency call to my boyfriend at the time for new pants and panties ASAP as I was supposed to be in his office in 30 minutes...

Damselfly said...

They each probably thought it was the guy or gal next to them. Hee hee!

I love your airport picnic!

Jodi said...

I think the Mayor has been making out with Dora the Explorer. She's such a tramp.

Call me Windy, too, because yesterday I felt the urge building, so I cut loose, not realizing my 13yo was in the room. He said, "MOOOOOOMMMM!" "Oh," I replied, "Sorry, if I had known you were there I wouldn't have pushed so hard."

Amber said...

There is no shame in farting. The more public the better. At least that is how I have tried to console myself over the years.

I didn't realize the Mayor and my daughter were the same age (she turned 3 a couple weeks ago). I sure hope you can get to the bottom of it all. Disconcerting stuff!

Queen Karana said...

Oh yes, one more thing. While I don't drink coffee, I can't believe the hotel didn't have comp coffee either! Good grief. For $4, I hope it was GOOD coffee!

moosh in indy. said...

Maybe if you had done your cage dance the coffee would have been cheaper?
Oh, Mayor, I feel your spleen. Hang tight little dude.

Biddy said...

oh goodness...mono seriously sucks (i've had it THREE F-ING TIMES) especially when your spleen enlarges (who knew?) It's really really fun when your spleen enlarges AND you are one of the 4% of people with mono who develop a chronic itch ALL OVER YOUR BODY...i'm not bitter...

anyway, all that to say, I hope The Mayor doesn't have mono and that he is all better soon, what a fun and sweet family you have to surprise you in the airport, and well, I just heart you and the fact that you talk about The Mighty Wind as much as I!!

Biddy said...

me again...don't you just love me with my multiple, long comments!?

i hate to tell you this, but Shelly's comment is oh so wrong. Once you get mono you are MORE suseptible (sp?) to getting it again and again...because it lives dormant in your body and can flare up at any time it feels the urge. Pretty much sucks...

now, as for that $4 coffee...I'd be telling them where they could shove it REAL QUICK. Was it at least a good Starbucks like coffee?

mamatulip said...

For some reason your feeds haven't been picked up by my reader. So sorry.

It must have been quite difficult hearing that something was going on with The Mayor yet you were far, far away. I'm glad you got back to him quickly, and the surprise airport picnic sounds really fun.

I hope the test results show nothing but positivity. :)

ali said...

you and your mighty wind... :)

Kevin Charnas said...

I hope that the Mayor is doing well, poor little guy...

And THE MIGHTY WIND AT PRECISELY SELF ACTUALIZED MOMENT???

My love for you just increases with time.

ewe are here said...

The kissing disease at such a tender age? Oh dear. ;-)

QueenB said...

I hope the Mayor's okay-nice that you got such a wonderful welcome home.

Oh and you? Are the Pooting Queen. Officially.

Cherann said...

Did you fart on purpose because you despise CEOs?

Queen Heather said...

Oh heaven help. I can't believe you farted like that. YOu are my ero!

I hope the mayor is ok!

Ally said...

Anytime your child has to have blood tests, that's a scary hairy thing. I hope these confirm it is just a virus, even if it's mono, and nothing more serious. May all of our collective worry shield you!

carrie said...

Airport picnics sound lovely -- and I do hope the tests come back to be nothing, zilp, zilch . . . nada!

Carrie

carmachu said...

I hope mayor's tests come out ok...

and that picnic sounds nice.

momomax said...

give a kiss to the mayor for me. I hope he's learned his lesson about making out with strangers on spring break.

to settle my future nerves, I will use your touching story about your ceo's whenever I'm standing in front of my own group next time. it's better than picturing them naked

Mimi said...

I'm thinking healthy thoughts for the mayor. Airport picnic: what a nice idea!

NotSoSage said...

I hope The Mayor is alright.

I was going to make a joke about The Mayor kissing jen, but I see she beat me to it.