Flushed $8.50 with a side of Irony

K left me alone with the short people for the whole weekend to attend his best friend Brian's fortieth birthday in Albuquerque – a town whose name is awfully hard to type.

K flew out Friday after work and won’t be back until late tonight.

I was a bit nervous about managing the house of joy on my own, but now that the children are bedded down, I would say that I prevailed.

First, employing my trusty organizing skills, I packed in activities so that when the time rolled around The Mayor and The Rooster were begging for their naps.

“Ask Mommy again, but more nicely this time."

Second, I had the foresight to schedule a babysitter for this afternoon.

I figured I might need a break – and even if I didn’t – I decided I’d take one anyway.

I went to the gym, swam and then went to a movie by myself.

I’m kind of pissed off because I chose to see a film called Waitress and though the paper gave it an A- and said blah, blah, poignant, blah, blah... I didn’t like it.

Apparently all that is wrong in a woman's life can be righted if she just has a baby girl child and looks into her loving face.

Looking into the face of a newborn enables the film's heroine to confront an abusive husband despite having been too afraid to leave him less he actually murder her. The moment (THE moment) after the newborn has been placed into her arms she finds the strength to tell the abusive husband to take a permanent hike.

Well slap my forehead! The answer to domestic abuse has been staring women in the face all this time… women will be empowered to end domestic violence by conceiving children.

Brilliant.

Am I the only one whose popcorn isn't sitting so well?

[Who actually funded this film, I want to know...]

Effing Hollywood losers trying to sell me on the idea that I’ll be the happiest woman alive if my daughter and I wear matching dresses while I hold her, sing soothing songs and bake delicious pies.

Suck my big, hairy one, Hollywood creeps.

Rant aside, the weekend of solo parenting had been going so well that I considered skipping the movie.

I should have.