Sunday, June 24, 2007

Flushed $8.50 with a side of Irony

K left me alone with the short people for the whole weekend to attend his best friend Brian's fortieth birthday in Albuquerque – a town whose name is awfully hard to type.

K flew out Friday after work and won’t be back until late tonight.

I was a bit nervous about managing the house of joy on my own, but now that the children are bedded down, I would say that I prevailed.

First, employing my trusty organizing skills, I packed in activities so that when the time rolled around The Mayor and The Rooster were begging for their naps.

“Ask Mommy again, but more nicely this time."

Second, I had the foresight to schedule a babysitter for this afternoon.

I figured I might need a break – and even if I didn’t – I decided I’d take one anyway.

I went to the gym, swam and then went to a movie by myself.

I’m kind of pissed off because I chose to see a film called Waitress and though the paper gave it an A- and said blah, blah, poignant, blah, blah... I didn’t like it.

Apparently all that is wrong in a woman's life can be righted if she just has a baby girl child and looks into her loving face.

Looking into the face of a newborn enables the film's heroine to confront an abusive husband despite having been too afraid to leave him less he actually murder her. The moment (THE moment) after the newborn has been placed into her arms she finds the strength to tell the abusive husband to take a permanent hike.

Well slap my forehead! The answer to domestic abuse has been staring women in the face all this time… women will be empowered to end domestic violence by conceiving children.

Brilliant.

Am I the only one whose popcorn isn't sitting so well?

[Who actually funded this film, I want to know...]

Effing Hollywood losers trying to sell me on the idea that I’ll be the happiest woman alive if my daughter and I wear matching dresses while I hold her, sing soothing songs and bake delicious pies.

Suck my big, hairy one, Hollywood creeps.

Rant aside, the weekend of solo parenting had been going so well that I considered skipping the movie.

I should have.


69 comments:

mamatulip said...

You sold me...that's one movie I won't be lining up to see.

I thought of you this weekend -- you'd be proud of me. I did some damn fine horizontal parenting, if I do say so myself.

Mrs. Chicky said...

You mean life isn't all better just because of an innocent newborn?? Sh*t. Why didn't someone tell me sooner?

Congrats on your obviously successful weekend.

Veronica said...

Since pregnancy is the time that women are MOST AT RISK of violence from their partner, that turns my stomach, too.

liv said...

"I’ll be the happiest woman alive if my daughter and I wear matching dresses while I hold her, sing soothing songs and bake delicious pies."

I think that's going to be my new tag-line on the blog. What do you think??

carmachu said...

Rule of thumb:

NEVER trust the paper or ads or clips of the movie previews. They're just trying to sucker you in.

Ask someone who's seen it...kinda like you right now, to get an honest opinion.

Seriously, I've seen papers claim a sucky movie great, and great ones you should skip...

great job on the solo act....!

notfearingchange said...

You know you could've rented ranger porn for less.

notfearingchange said...

You know you could've rented ranger porn for less.

Virtualsprite said...

So glad you warned me about the movie. It's definitely something I would have otherwise watched. I just hate that when you have time to watch a movie and then it sucks. Ugh.

jen said...

good for you on the solo parenting...and good on you for getting a sitter!

Cathy said...

Personally, when I locked eyes with my first newborn, I felt such a wave of terror that I wanted to clutch the nurses' legs and beg them, "Please, oh please don't discharge us yet."

(Only I was scared of the baby, not an abusive husband.)

With the second, I did reject all efforts to send me home -- not because of terror, but because this time around, I knew it was my last chance ever to get some sleep.

Won't be spending any money on what you just described, let's put it that way. Geez, how stupid.

Tracysan said...

We saw this movie a couple of weeks ago, and I felt the same way. I LOVED it right up until the end and that super-sappy childbirth moment. It all went downhill from there, and I was left feeling quite irritated that such an otherwise well-written movie devolved into such saccharine crap at the end.

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

I was putting this on my summer flicks "to see" list as well. Thank you for tuning us into the fact that the plot is completely asanine!

Dammit I knew my life was not complete and now I know it's because I can't bake and we have no mother/daughter outfits to speak of in our house.

p.s. glad to know you survived as a single parent this weekend!

Rachel said...

Ugh. Thanks for saving me ten bucks.

Congrats for getting through the weekend solo.

Major Bedhead said...

Damn. I'd heard this was a good film.

Solo parenting sucks. Good idea to get a babysitter, even if you didn't like the movie. And hey, your kids are still in one piece - that's my idea of a successful weekend.

notfearingchange said...

hey there is a tag for you at my place.

Biddy said...

hehe i've learned that if our paper gives it rave reviews, don't waste your money. however, the ones that get the worst reviews are usually worth seeing...wtf?!

crap...maybe i should rethink my whole "have a baby and life will suddenly be perfect" plan...shit

Kyla said...

You should have seen Knocked Up instead. Hilarious!

Lisa said...

The ones I especially LOVE (being sarcastic) are those! Grrr. Oh and the ones where a baby ends up making a crappy marriage all better. GAh!

Lisa said...

Oh I talked a bit about you on my blog today. Hope that's ok

Patience said...

I get the distinctive impression that you didn't care for that movie! Nice concept though. Have a girl-child and end spousal abuse. Doesn't it work that way in real life???

Absolutely Bananas said...

a BABYSITTER! now why didn't I think of that? And here I've been spending my single-mom days moping and feeling sorry for myself. Ok I'll admit I actually do more wine drinking and blogging than moping but STILL. I am totally getting a babysitter next time... even if it's just so I can lock myself in the bedroom and paint my toenails.

CakeHead said...

Yeah, if it gets an A from critics, I usually wait until it's out on video, and if it gets an Oscar, I usually skip it all together! Glad the weekend went well for you.

Blog Antagonist said...

Hmm. Hadn't heard of it, but that's not surprising. We rarely see anything not rated G at the theatres. I'll be sure to strike that one from our Netfix queue when it comes out. Hubs and I watched "Stranger than Fiction". It was an apt title.

FENICLE said...

I HATE spending $$ to see a piece of crap-o-la movie like that!

I hope the popcorn was at least good :)

andi said...

I was going to see this movie - thanks for saving me the trouble. Hollywood romanticizing having children really pisses me off. And we wonder why people feel so blindsided when they have their first baby. What? It isn't all cuteness and sweet cuddles? Sheesh.

CamiKaos said...

OMG. I can't believe you didn't know... but really domestic violence doesn't exist in the homes of newborn baby girls.

Man am I ever glad I skipped that movie when it was down the street...

Ponygirl said...

Personally, I got a rhinestone on my toenail this weekend! Thinking of you...

Liam's Mom - Gina said...

Glad you survived in good humor. Sorry the movie sucked big butt. I will avoid that "moral of the story" undoubtedly.

Little Miss Moi said...

Dear jessica. Well, I can't see the movie because there's no english movies in kyiv.. but I just IMDB'd it and it sounds soppy, syrupy and crappy.. which means i'd probably love it (I did a media studies degree for goodness sake, but as soon as I started working, my taste went steee-raight out the window). I do hate it when you fork out to see a movie you end up hating!

slouching mom said...

Hey, I solo-parented this weekend too. Except I still have four more days of it.

Shite.

Maybe I'll go see a really bad movie and end up finding my life at home comparatively entertaining and pleasant. Thanks for the tip.;)

Too bad you don't live closer -- we could have solo-parented together.

tulipmom said...

Good for you for getting a sitter and taking some time for you.

We saw A Mighty Heart .... VERY well done but probably not the kind of movie to go see by oneself.

Jenifer said...

I admire you Jess for getting a sitter, that is not something I would do, I would rather be exhausted and miserable. ;)

Seriously, you take care of yourself and I admire that.

Jenn said...

I so didn't like this movie just from the previews.

Because I was thinking, uh-huh, have a baby, it fixes everything.

Glad you confirmed my suspicions.

Knocked up....gotta see that.

Got to.

Omaha Mama said...

First of all...thanks for the spoiler! :-) Just kiddin' - that one wasn't on my list. I was actually a fan of Felicity (the TV show) but did not desire to see this movie. The pie thing was weird, I thought.

Second of all, good for you for having the forethought to hire a sitter. I would just end the weekend a little stressed, probably putting the kids to bed EARLY and wishing for a drink (and probably drinking one).

Tabba said...

I'll definetly keep that movie off of my netflix queue when it comes out.

And congrats on keeping the little people in line :)!!

moosh in indy. said...

First night looking into my newborn's screaming face and I saw why people didn't have children, or even sex.

Paige said...

Movies like that make me hostile.

Whatever happened to good scriptwriting?

Mrs. Chicken said...

What is this "going to a movie" of which you speak?

NotAMeanGirl said...

But... But... Nathan Fillion plays the Dr and he's Dreeeeeeamy... Was he good at least?? heheh

cronznet said...

I think this is the movie that gets hyped because the lead actress/writer/producer was murdered just before it opened? Pitiful flick from the sounds of it.
And fyi, we locals just use ABQ rather than spelling out the entire city name.
Congrats on surviving Life With the Short People.

charlottalove said...

Not that I really was interested in that movie anyway but I won't see it at all now.

Kelly said...

See now I had a friend who loved it. And you hated it. You know what this means? I have to spend the $8.50 and see it for myself. Maybe I'll wait to rent it.

Karen Forest said...

sitter? What's that?

Obviously I need to get out more.

Fairly Odd Mother said...

What?!? I thought having a baby made everything easier! Shoot.

I saw Knocked Up recently, and while it was funny, I had a hard time believing that those two characters could honestly make a go of it as a couple. But, in that movie too, a baby makes it all work out in the end! Thanks Hollywood!

NotSoSage said...

Congratulations!

And thanks for the heads up on the movie.

But I'm left wondering, which one of The Girls is big and hairy?

Queen of the Mayhem said...

We ALL know that Hollywood has its finger on the pulse of normal American life!

Wait....or was that Hollywood has its head up its ass? I get those two confused! :)

Congrates on the solo parenting success! That can be tricky!

Superstar said...

OH my Alone w/ 3??? YOu are a brave woman!

LOL
You should right reviews.

Nothing burns my buns more than spending $8 on a movie and then its a DUD!!!

Melina said...

This is why I am a Netflix Junkie. For the price of 2 movie tickets I can get 3 movies at a time delivered to my home and watch whatever I want and if it sucked I don't feel like I wasted my money (I usually get roughly 12 movies a month). I know I don't have kids so I have more time. Plus I can't sleep so I usually pop in a movie when I wake up. Thanks for saving me some money and I won't be putting that on my queue.

Good job on the solo parenting.

Anonymous said...

Thought that movie was way way over rated myself. I was quite miffed to have wasted my money and time on it.

Love, Grandma Seattle

Christina_the_wench said...

Saw the previews. Ugh. Don't waste your Netflix on Because I Said either.

Awful.

aimee / greeblemonkey said...

Is that one with Felicity? (Another show I was addicted to).

BTW, I type Albuquerque a lot because one of our biggest clients is there. I find it easier to just do this: ALBQ.

Above Average Joe said...

You should've paid the 8.50 & ate the popcorn. But instead of watching the movie, you should've taken a nap in the theater.

Twisted Cinderella said...

I think I will be waiting for this one to come out on my digital cable before I see it.

BOSSY said...

Bossy also purchased all of those accessories: the dress, the pie, the baby.

Lawyer Mama said...

Congrats on your survival and being coherent enough to type after going it alone for the whole weekend!

Thanks for the movie warning. I'd heard about it but didn't *really* know what it was about. I'll file this one under Media Stereotypes About Motherhood.

Stepping Over the Junk said...

welcome to single motherhood! I go to movies alone alot. I like going, even if the movie is bad. Heh.

Damselfly said...

Typing it is easier if you mentally pronounce it Al boo kwear kwuh. ;)

Didn't know anything about the movie, but kinda makes you scratch your head....

carrie said...

I need to take notes from you, I am only 7 hours into my solo parenting gig and I am already looking for the nearest exit!

Carrie

Mary Alice said...

ummm wait....has everyone else missed the point of this post? Mrs Joys has a big hairy one. Holy cow, not many would admit to that these days.

QT said...

Congrats on a successful weekend of solo parenting!

I read an article in the NY Times about how no characters in mainstream Hollywood flicks ever have abortions, ir, the movie Knocked Up was cited in addition to this film. So you are not the only one that noticed.

Alpha DogMa said...

$8.50!! For a movie? Yeesh. I'd rather spend my disposal income on liquor.

The idea that "women will be empowered to end domestic violence by conceiving children" is so funny I want to curl up in a corner and sob hysterically. Afterall, domestic abuse is the leading cause of death for pregnant woman.

flutter said...

You're kidding me, Hollywood got it WRONG?!?!?!?!

Haley-O said...

Umm, thanks for letting us know about the movie. I won't be seeing that, thank-you-very-much! :) I totally WISH I could just escape and go swimming for a while. How bout RIGHT NOW. Get the weight off my preggers bod for a while!

momomax said...

I owe you one. phew. You saved me from wasting two hours and ten dollars.

wait.

I haven't gone out to see a movie since 1986...or was it six months ago? Either way, when this movie comes out on HBO in two years, I'll owe you one.

(I like the babysitter "just because" concept. I may try it some day)

Erika, Plain Jane Mom said...

I liked that movie a lot. No one is saying that the only way to self-realization is through motherhood -- that's just the way it was for her.

Cooks on the Coast said...

solo parenting: 4.5 months down; only 8 months (give or take) to go. And I still haven't found a good sitter! Argh!

Lotta said...

I'm so glad you spoke up that movie was on my list. I can't wait for the new Michael Moore documentary on healthcare. I'll be lining up for that one.

Aunt Nancy said...

Knocked UP would have been a better choice. I laughed my ass off at that movie. Seems more realistic, too.

alimum said...

Haven't actually seen Waitress, but I am interested as writer/director/actress Adrienne Shelly was murdered before it was released. I really loved her in The Unbelievable Truth.

But, yeah, I really do hate the "baby as answer to all of life's problems" trend in so-called feminist art.