Saturday, May 26, 2007

The Shoes Make The Man, I Always Say

I come to you today deeply, deeply disturbed.

My internet friend William is in trouble.

There is the obvious problem with his choice of carbohydrates...

poop & boogies spud

...but this post is not about his yam issues, this is a post about MAN SHOES.

I should start by telling you that William is one of my favorite male bloggers.

[Keep your shirts on, I said ONE of my favorites. Sheesh. I get around, O.K? Cheeky!]

For the most part, I tend to shy away from male bloggers.

[With the exception of Kevin Charnas whose left nostril is my retirement home.]

I guess I should clarify and say that while I read quite a few of the man-blogs, I read many more from the wimmins.

Anyway, William...

I like his writing style and his sense of humor. But best of all, his writing gives me the sense that he not only really loves his wife, but that he has a profound respect for her as well. I really like that.

Sadly, I have recently learned that William has a problem.

Here is the thing:

William doesn't care about his shoes.

Does NOT CARE about his SHOES.

That is just wrong.

The man is wearing adult sized light up sneakers from Wal*Mart... but one is broken so only one lights up... and the lighting up one is malfunctioning so that it never STOPS lighting up.

Does this look like a man who should be known as The One Light Up Wal*Mart Sneaker Man?

poop & boogies


Ladies, ladies, ladies. We must help William understand that the shoes are the icing on the hotness cake.

Women see a good looking guy and think,

"Oooh! Nice hair... nice face, too! Mmmm hmmm, nice chest, sexy bottom... BOW CHICKA BOW... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Run! Horrifying shoes!"


[ABORT! Abort lusty thought processes stat!]

Adult light up sneakers from Wal*Mart? What can William be thinking?

poop & boogies 4


Perhaps William thinks that his choice of shoes no longer matters because he is happily married to an alarmingly beautiful woman who loves him just as he is...

But seriously, should the lovely Lauren have to go out in public with
The One Light Up Wal*Mart Sneaker Man?

People of the internet!

Go to William. Help him find a mo' better shoe.

William, listen to the people (except maybe not Kevin), but listen to the other people.

Do it for them...
poop & boogies Luckiest


This post was awarded a "Post of the Day" award from The Rising Blogger!


66 comments:

Alpha DogMa said...

Whoa. Whoa. Hold on there, missy. Light up shoes? For adults sized feet? Adult sized feet like mine? SCORE! I gots to get myself to a Walmart!
But first: I've got to get myself a heapin' helpin' of yams. Oooh, I've such a craving now.

BOSSY said...

This light-up-sneaker thing is deeply disturbing. Bossy doesn't even like little toddlers in light-up-sneakers: she knocks them over. What was so wrong with the olden days when sneakers merely stunk?

William: your body is like a car and your feet are the rims and your torso is the wheel well and Bossy forgot where she was going, but she knows it's at 90 mph.

Right. And your shoes are the tires. One doesn't buy cheap light-up tires, they simply aren't safe and would make all the women drivers gag.

No: Every man needs a set of expensive tires that are stable enough for touring and sexy enough for off road.

sam said...

Wha? That's totally f'd, yet so funny!
I can't fathom light up shoes for adults. Seriously? We need pictures. Tell William we need pictures, or video of those shoes.

mel said...

I was trying to think of a witty comment but I just can't right now.

All I've got is - Light up shoes? NO!

One word for you....Zappos.

flutter said...

I, wait, what? Light up, huh? blink blink what? Huh?

*spontaneously combusts* (damn it, I knew I was more likely to do that, being diabetic and all)

slouching mom said...

they're making the shoes with wheels for grown-ups now.

oh, see. now i've given william another bad idea...

moosh in indy. said...

But he now is getting SO much attention for his poor footwear choice he's proabably secretly congratulating himself for his crummy taste. Had be bought New Balances there would be nothing to blog about.
But dude? Get some new kicks.

Hilly said...

I did not even know that they make Light-Up Shoes for grown men. That is how wrong wrong wrong I think this whole thing is.

Hold on...I've begun to glisten and may need a mint julep...*swoon*.

Someone that handsome needs bettah shoes. If he wants to keep that "youth factor" in his sneaks, can I suggest Skechers? Their shoes are fun AND adult.

Uhhh, dare we even ask what his dress shoes are like?

Good thing he has you to help him out!

mommiebear2 said...

Wow I didnt even know they made light up shoes for adults - and how sad that they are broken. I would love to see some pics. What an adorable family!

Chris H said...

That is very sad, someone needs to find them shoes and throw them in the bin for him! I hope my Husband's new shoes (I made him buy them) don't come to your attention.... they are LOUD... very loud! As in, red, white and blue, stars and strips, should be on a clown.. but I loved them! Poor man.

Speedcat Hollydale said...

A man needs multiple pairs of nice golf shoes....the rest do not matter. :-)

Just my opinion! Speedy Cat

P.S. I also, am getting lighted shoes from Wallylandmartcity

Toni said...

Light up shoes for adults? Oy vey!

SUEB0B said...

I would totally go for a guy with one lit-up sneaker, especially if he was that cute. I love me a little eccentricity. Chacon a son gout.

Biddy said...

i can't stand those damn things on KIDS! I would seriously have to sabotage the adult sized ones! Of course, my best friend has a pair of shoes that i would soooo love to get rid of - 1980s brown loafers with tassels...they're awful..

Jenifer said...

This is why you try shoes on! I saw the video and cannot believe there could be such a thing.

OK William my Hubby is no fashion plate, but he has never worn light-up shoes.

You must go back and try again.

carmachu said...

You like me, you really do(yes I was pathetic enough to check).

Seriously, leave'em alone. Us men dont care about shoes like you women. Sheesh....I have only one pair myself that I wear....

Now excuse me, I have to run to walmart and get my own pair of light up shoes...

NotSoSage said...

Joe (a man who wouldn't be caught dead in a sneaker, let alone a light-up sneaker, let alone one that is malfunctioning) took one look at the photo of the yam and did this:

[Blink}


[Blink]


[Blink]


[leans in a little closer]
[pulls away quickly]

"Wow."

notfearingchange said...

dude....get rid of light up sneakers...ONE...two do not wear sneaks at all....

there are a few things that women will look at and one is SHOE. We judge on shoes...

Sayre said...

Now wait a minute! How do you know that William wouldn't look smashing in knee-high red vinyl boots a'la Kevin? Get the man some horizontal striped tights to go with them!

CamiKaos said...

wow. Lauren does not deserve to live with the horror that is the shoe problem.... so tragic.

EE said...

I think light-up shoes are grounds for divorce;)
He is way too hot to be wearing those!

Patience said...

Poor William. He just doesn't get the shoe thing. Most men don't really. My husband wears only boots and some version of athletic shoes. The boots are okay, but all his athletic shoes are held together with some kind of tape. Yes, after they wear out and have holes in them and the soles start to come off, even then he won't throw them out. 'Cause by then they're way too comfortable. So he puts tape on them to cover the holes and keep the soles together.

And yet . . . I still love him.

WILLIAM said...

OTJ,

I appreciate the post as well as everyone's comments. But I tell ya, I am starting a trend. Just wait...it will be the next big thing. Then once I have the light up sneaker thing going, my next project will be to make Ranger outfits the latest fad. Just wait.

Em said...

I solved the whole shoe problem for myself. I found one good pair that I can wear for almost any occasion. And when they grow old, I just buy a new pair of the same shoes! It solves all the problems of making decisions. LOL

Mamma said...

You can tell everything about a guy from his shoes.

A theory I've proven over and over again.

QT said...

Light up shoes for adults...wow...I had no idea. I am with flutter on this one!

Lisa Milton said...

Yes, that sounds like a Kodak moment - I've never laid eyes on such a pair.

Thank God.

Jack's Shack said...

In a perfect world cats wouldn't exist and women would settle for two pairs of shoes.

Paige said...

That sweet potato is amazingly distracting.

But you were talking about shoes, right?

Jennifer said...

Oh, no, no, no. William, no. I will say it in Spanish too, just for fun: No.

But, there are men out there who buy their own shoes? If I did not buy my guy's shoes, he would be wearing shoe with holes in them, and I am so not kidding.

Kevin Charnas said...

Just for the record, those are Will's shit-kickers I'm wearing.

Kevin Charnas said...

And, "Sshhhiiiitttt...No you din't."

Above Average Joe said...

Thanks for the plug.

The check is in the mail.

Bon said...

no. no. William, you look like a lovely man. you have soulful eyes...and your wife looks much too classy to be seen with your sneakers. please step away from the sneakers. run, don't walk...but do not run with the sneakers ON, unless it is to donate them to charity. or better yet, your garbage can. charity should not be wearing those shoes, either.

in fact, no one over five should be wearing those shoes. someone should really stop Walmart before they ruin everything.

Momish said...

Oh, William, you must not start a trend like that, have a heart. Shoes are too important to be taken so lightly.

When I was single, I would make my final decision on whether to date a guy by how he answered, "what shoes are you wearing". DM's always won my heart!

mcewen said...

Golly! And there was me worried that my boys would have to go 'cold turkey' on the light up shoes and velcro straps pretty soon. Perhaps they've had a reprieve.
Cheers

Little Monkies said...

Maybe someone will mistake the lighting up shoes for an ankle bracelet...like the prison kind...

carrie said...

I don't even like those shoes on 3-year-old boys.

Go, go to Nordstrom's and submit to the shoe gods that reside there. Go! I say.

Do it for the children and the pretty wife!

Carrie

Lawyer Mama said...

I had no idea they even made light up shoes for grown men! Ahhhhh! I must not let my husband find out. I think he is William's long lost brother. I can't even help the man I'm married to. If there's a support group, we should sign them both up!

Lisa said...

That is too funny. Especially since I went shopping with my son recently. He decided that since he's 17 days away from being 5, that he's far, far too old for light-up sneakers.

But hey, I married an engineer. And one that's got a degree in computer AND electrical engineering. One that's one mere credit away from also having a bachelor's in Mathematics! So when it comes to bad dressing? I know what WIlliam's wife is going through. So you hide them as soon as he's on a business trip, light them on fire and when he comes home, keep him so busy he doesn't have time to think about said shoes. And after awhile when he asks, shug your shoulders, look confused and then feign a migraine.

Yup. That's about it.

Smalltown RN said...

OH poor poor William....yes it is certainly time to step out of the kiddy section and into the adult shoe department......now don't get me wrong...there is nothing wrong with fun shoes....oh I have my share...but dear dear William...do it for you wife...for you kids....don't send your children the wrong message that it is ok to walk around with only one light on!

Queen Karana said...

Hm. Yeah, he should definitely have TWO light up shoes. One just doesn't cut it. *MWAHAHAHAHAHAH*

That post is just funny. And wrong.
William - ditch the light-ups!

Little Miss Moi said...

Dear oh the joys. Oh that's quite funny - a grown man in lightup shoes. I would have to be nice to him out of pity. Quirky though.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

It all sounds very weird, having light-up shoes.

karrie said...

Such beautiful eyes. Such a pretty family. Such horrific taste in footwear.

Stephanie mama drama said...

I totally did not know they made those shoes for adults!!

I am both awed and frightened.

urban-urchin said...

O yeah- no one tell him about heely's for adults, or that poor family is a goner.

Her Bad Mother said...

LIGHT UP SNEAKERS?!?!? For grown-ups?!?!?!

?!?!?

am not sure whether I am impressed or disturbed.

Starrlight said...

Light up shoes?! OMG even if both worked it would be a close down the poosay palace time. The fact that only one blinks?!?! Jeebus!

William must be reshoed.

Heather said...

I was reading in walks my three year old. What is THAT? It's a sweet potato--why does it have a butt?!

Stepping Over the Junk said...

And I made the same comment on his blog entry the other day regarding the shoes...that back in the 80s, they were in...some guy robbed a bank or something and was running from the police at night and went into some forest or something and all the police had to do was chase his light up sneakers....

Biddy said...

wow...the money i could have saved by just going to the farmer's market instead of the porn store...

theotherbear said...

Hmm. I don't care about my shoes. But light up sneakers are kind of lame. Unless NOBODY had them, in which case the are COOL!

Shauna said...

How can I not visit after that???

ewe are here said...

heh heh I love Poop & Boogies, too.

And I was a tad shocked when I read about his flashing shoes.... Those are for kids!

heh heh

Fairly Odd Mother said...

OK, that hot wife needs better shoes on her man! Last night, my husband held up old, scrunchy dock siders (shudder) and asked if it went with the outfit he had planned for work. I told him to put them far, far away from me, or I'd never be able to have sex with him again. Shoes matter, believe me, they do.

Fairly Odd Mother said...

Wait, an addendum! (no matter that this is not your most recent post, so no one will see this!). The same goes for women, doncha think? Nothing saddens me more than seeing a nice-looking, well- dressed mama wearing white running shoes. For my husband, it was Keds that would've been a deal-breaker. He cannot STAND seeing a woman in white canvas Keds.

Mama en Fuego said...

Oh William, darlin, those eyes, those cheek bones...shoes my good man, for the love of your children get some good shoes. Hell Old Navy flip flops are better than one light up WalMart sneakers.

Hol&J said...

I agree, go with Zappos. Thankfully my J doesn't care for the light-up shoes. For reasons beyond my understanding, he won't toss his holey socks. I end up buying new ones and switch them out. ;)

L.A. Daddy said...

Even though you don't read us men all the much, you've got to understand:

- We don't need 18 pairs of black dress shoes (that look exactly alike.)

- We don't need to buy new shoes if the old shoes still a) fit, b) hold together despite the holes

- We don't need a pair beyond work and a pair beyond casual (and sometimes you can get away with just one pair, depending on the job or the lifestyle.)

Men are simple. Don't make it more complicated than it is. I'm surprised Cheeky hasn't taught you that. :)

polliwog said...

I'm a little dense, but is that yam supposed to be a penis or a butt?

Men in good shoes frighten me.

You are a very funny lady. When's the book coming out?

:-)

Lotta said...

If their marital dynamics are anything like ours she has thrown out those shoes and he has dug that back out of the trash.

Even crocs would be better at this point.

Lotta said...

PS - I had a veggie like that for dinner last night but I thought it was a sweet potato.

Akelamalu said...

I popped over from Rising Blogger to say congratulations on your award.
Light Up Shoes for Adults - seriously you can get these??

paisley said...

bravo!!! and very well deserved,,, this was really cute... i havent been here before but i will be back...and ill check on william too!!!!wonqww

Sunny said...

Great place to read.... I always go for comfort shoes and I'm planning to get one this holiday season... can someone gimme a coupon for 100% off... lol