Friday, May 11, 2007

The Good Times

My kids missed me while I was gone.

Perhaps that should make me feel guilty, but instead it made me glad.

Usually I am the chopped liver around here.

"I want Daddy!" is the repeating chorus that The Mayor and The Rooster sing most days.

I admit, I get tired of always being their second choice.

Sometimes, when K and I are in the middle of talking and the children interrupt, K diverts his attention from me in order to respond to them.

I so much prefer it when he says something like, "Wait a second, Mayor. Mommy and Daddy are talking."

When he forgets to do that I sometimes feel like his second choice too.

My brain tells me, "These three people have no need for me. I'm going to the Bahamas."

Then I pout.

(Because I am MATURE and able to
achieve conflict resolution by discussing my feelings.)

Then K sees my pouty face and his face falls. He feels bad (but also rolls his eyes because I am being so mature... AGAIN) and he apologizes (AGAIN) not because he's guilty of anything, but because apologizing is simply the faster way through the pouty stage.

(I can sometimes be a little high maintenance. THERE. I said it. Are you happy now? Jeez.)

Anyway, when I got home from D.C., K told me that the kids missed me.

Apparently The Mayor repeatedly made public service announcements stating that I was "in Washington, D.C. for work" and asked when I would be home.

The Rooster cried herself to sleep both nights calling for mama. (Poor little love!)

They were both asleep when I got home so I snuck in to watch them.

The Rooster stirred, even opened her eyes. I imagine she saw me there in some deep realm of the subconscious, but she didn't awaken.

The Mayor was sweaty in his bed, perhaps dreaming of running fast.

In the morning, The Rooster insisted on eating her breakfast while sitting on my lap. She gave me hug after hug.

The Mayor asked to lay his head in my lap and was still there for much longer than normal while I stroked his hair.

When I dropped them off at daycare The Rooster cried.

During my goodbye hugs and kisses session with The Mayor he gave me a shower kissing love.

He kissed my knuckles and then kissed his way up my arm.

He turned my head to the side, moved my hair, kissed my ear and then did the other side.

He kissed my forehead and my cheeks.

Occasionally he paused to hold my face and simply look at me.

Then more kissing. My whole face. My neck.

After The Greatest Goodbye Hugs and Kisses Session of All Time, we headed for the door for our goodbye waves.

The daycare teacher had the radio on and the song "Could It Be I'm Falling In Love" by The Spinners was playing.

The Mayor and I held hands and spun around all smiles and dancing.

We kissed goodbye once more. We waved and blew kisses as I walked to the car.

I was first choice for a moment, not second, and it was nice.

90 comments:

Stepping Over the Junk said...

This is what it is like for me on a weekly basis or so, when the kids go to their dad's for a weekend. They are always excited to go to his house, but then, when I get them back, I get ALOT of attention. Of course, it kind of peeves me that they don't call me crying and wanting me from their house, but hey, I suppose I dont want them to go through that turmoil, but it would be nice to have them want me when they arent here. Ha. Selfish me.

Kara said...

aww how sweet. It's nice to be no 1 once in a while.

SciFi Dad said...

From a fellow second choice... I'm so happy for you. :)

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

I need to go away.

I'm not first choice, I'm the only choice...with Daddy working so hard.

So I need to not be taken for granted. Wanna go to the Bahamas with me?

Kim said...

I don't have children yet but I do have 3 wonderful godchildren that visit frequently. I have always been their first choice and ate it up without thinking how it made my hubby feel.

I can only imagine how much it would hurt to feel like second choice...especially when it comes to your own kids. The thought of that happening someday with my own kids saddens me...but I'm sure that if I have a daughter she'll be a daddy's girl.

Thanks for this post...it made me stop to realize how my husband must feel sometimes.

heather said...

This is such an awesome post! So sweet.

Nancy said...

Remember those kisses, hugs, and tears the next time you have one nerve left and they are on it ... such a sweet homecoming for you!

Twisted Cinderella said...

That is so sweet. I am glad that they are loving on you and letting you know how important you really are to them.

tulipmom said...

I need to go away for awhile. Just to even the scales a bit between "Fun Daddy" and "Mean Mommy."

QT said...

OMG - the poor Rooster crying for you at night! And the Mayor's tribute to you was extra-sweet. Good for you, finally getting to the Number 1 spot!

My BF's nephew was here last night (he is 6) and said to a backyard full of people "Will somebody, like mommy, come play with me?" His dad looks at me and says "The "somebody" is the disguise to make me feel better - pretty clever, huh?"

WILLIAM said...

Has the Mayor turned into Gomez Addams?

mamatulip said...

I'm a First Choicer around here and dude, after reading this, I'm booking a trip. I want that kind of attention. :)

Tabba said...

Isn't that the best feeling in the World?
And just think....you might get to do it all over again in late July.

pgoodness said...

I am very familiar with being 2nd and it is certainly nice to be #1 every once in a while! Although P is mostly out of his daddy daddy daddy 24/7 phase, we still have days when it's all about daddy for both boys. Lemme know when you book that trip, I'll come with you. :)

Tabba said...

Oh, and I think Mayor and Rooster just said loud and clear, "Happy Mother's Day!" :)

radical mama said...

I'm definitly second around here. Comes with the territory of SAHM, I guess. I console myself by remembering that it's because I am the consistent one, the one always there. It's a shitty prize but ya know, I'll take what I can get. :)

Mrs. Schmitty said...

Isn't that the best feeling in the world?

And P.s. Mr. Schmitty does that to me too ALL of the time when we are talking. I can't stand it! I pout too!

slouching mom said...

Awwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Just that.

Kelly said...

See? This is why it's good to leave the kids every once in a while!

Woman with kids said...

That's awesome. It's nice to be first choice for once. The boys usually prefer to stay home versus going to their dads, but only so they can have friends over. Otherwise? I'm chopped liver and onions.

Karen Forest said...

I, too, am second choice. It makes sense really, since I am the one that is always with them.....but sometimes, you want them to WANT you.

I guess I should be happy with the fact that I am the choice lap to plop into when bedtime comes around.

jen said...

oh...friend.
lovely. After I met your family I thouught of how the kids adore you so much...

it's a bit reverse here sometimes, and hard on J.

karrie said...

How sweet!

M asks for Daddy all day long. Daddy, daddy, daddy. He even tries to convince me that "No, Daddy took me to the playground/gave me a bath/bought this Pirate Booty", when I was the one who did so. When I handle drop off duty, he races off without a backwards glance, wave or even a "Bye Mom!". When my husband takes him to school? Sobbing meltdown, and begging him to stay.

I wonder how M will react when I go to Chicago? I've never left him overnight. Maybe he'll miss me?

Mrs. M said...

what a sweet story! I'm sure you're more needed than you ever know. I think all kids take advantge of having mama there, because she does so much.

Lawyer Mama said...

I get just as annoyed when I'm 2nd choice of hubby and the kids too. I must also admit to secretly enjoying the occasional day when it's All About Mommy.

The Mayor is just so incredibly sweet.

Lotta said...

That is so sweet! I love going away even if it's for the day so I can get the love.

The Queen Mama said...

Times like that you want to stretch out forever.

But if you get stuck on second string again, I'll put on a pout and join you in the Bahamas. I could use a vacay.

Jodi the Librarian said...
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Annie said...

Very, very sweet.

Jodi the Librarian said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jodi the Librarian said...

Because I always analyze, then over-analyze things, here is one way to look at being doody (#2, dontchaknow).

Kids need their mothers (or whomever is the primary caregiver) compulsively, obsessively, desperately. That peson is the sun in their universe.

When they are confident down to their bones that Mom is THERE and always will be there, they feel free explore their universe, seeking attention from others, such as dad.

Not that moms who are first choice have insecure kids, of course. My second son was a momma's boy from the word GO. Dad was fine and dandy, but them there hairy nipples just weren't on the menu. He only wanted mom, mom, and more mom. That type of clinginess can be exhausting. So being number one has drawbacks.

Mama en Fuego said...

Wow, you need to go away more often ;)

If anything this little episode should reassure you that your children are secure in your love for them and don't need a constant reminder. Nothing against K but children generally cling to the parent who's love they fear they could lose. Not to say that K has done ANYTHING to perpetuate this feeling. Obviously they have no fear of losing your love, so much so that when you left it caused them to miss you terribly.

Or I could just be typing out my ass again...I hate when that happens.

jakelliesmom said...

Those are the moments I just want to store away in a jar for when I really need them (with my kids, not yours, of course).

I went away for the weekend and came back to the most delightful homecoming with my girl, who leaned into me with all her 27 pounds and said "I missed you" over and over. I contrast that with tucking her in last night when she said flat out, "I don't want you."

Augs Casa said...

I enjoyed this post. I have to admit, we DraMa and I are in a bit of a transition. The boys seemd to migrate towards me more than ever now. I am wondering if she is feeling the same way??

Rachel said...

Awww. It is nice to be missed. I'm usually the second choice too.

NotSoSage said...

That's so sweet.

Mme L's attentions cycle a lot, even in the same day. She prefers me in the morning and her Daddy at night. It's a nice balance, for now.

But that's such a nice gift that they gave you that I hope that you can hold onto even when you go back to being chopped liver - they notice and miss you when you're gone.

Mrs. Chicky said...

So sweet!

I'm first choice in my house but I'd still like some of that kind of attention.

Natalie said...

That is the most precious thing I have heard in a long time. How wonderful.

Cece said...

Aww, just in time for Mother's Day, huh? Very sweet.

Kerry said...

So cute - the kissing routine is adorable! I have to admit though I will turn to talk to the kids while my husband is talking and it makes him so angry.

Major Bedhead said...

You're not supposed to make me get all misty-eyed, woman. That was very, very sweet.

My husband is hardly ever home, so I'm the only flavour available. It'd be nice to expand the menu a bit, but for now, this is the way it has to be.

Tessa said...

Your kids are awesome. So glad they let you know the apple din fall far from the tree :)

From one #2 to another.

Above Average Joe said...

It's good for all to get away once in awhile. It makes everybody appreciate each other a little more.

Jen Magnuson said...

Sniff. Kids are great! But I do think that all the mom bloggers should go the the Bahamas, anyway. Do I hear a BlogHer '08?

Em said...

You...high maintenance? Never! But I'm glad you got a little love from the kids!

JamesMommy said...

Darn it! You made me shed a tear at work. My little guy is all about his "Papa" (I think Jodi the Librarian has the right idea about this and dad's are often the fun-one). So, coincidentally, after yet another "dis" by the boy (23 months), I said to him, "What am I chopped liver?" and he grins and says, "Yup. You's chopped liver, mama." How ya like them apples? In a couple of weeks I have to do the first overnight business trip since James was born and have been feeling terrible about it.....but now it sounds like a good thing. Thanks!

P.S. Love reading your blog. Always end up with a grin and (often) shaking my head in agreement.

Ophelia Rising said...

Oh, those sweet, wet, succulent child-kisses. They are the most messy, wonderful, heartfelt ones in all of the world!

Very sweet post. :)

BOSSY said...

Are you kidding? That's nothing. Bossy puts the Ain't in Maintenance.

(there's no pleasing her)

carrie said...

There is nothing sweeter than a little boy's love for his momma.

Here's to many more of those kisses!

Carrie

nutmeg said...

Hell, I need to go away for a few days. I tell my husband all the time we need to make one for me.

Mrs. D said...

Thank you for sharing that beautiful moment. May you have an awesome Mother's Day.

Happy Mother's Day to all us mommas!

The Sour Kraut said...

What a sweet story. There's no better feeling in the world.

Lisa Milton said...

I can relate. I am the steady that the kids see more; Greg gets favored parent status, especially when he travels a lot. Which I get. But being the liver sucks.

Glad you got the blue ribbon. Have a wonderful Mother's day.

ewe are here said...

Awwww. Such a sweet homecoming!

I'm No 2 around here, too. Daddy is definitely the desired parent... apparently I need to go on a trip to change this, however brief the change would be.

mimikatemom said...

Jodi the Librarian beat me to the punch...
Some mommies will always be "second" because it's so safe for their babies to have other "firsts". Be glad there are no "real" choices being made, except from moment to moment - happier and happiest.

Happy Mother's Day You!

The voice of reason whispers..."Heathy birds leave the nest". Gets me through. :)

Lisa Fine Goldstein/Kelly Kelly said...

Dang, I gotta get out of town. That sounds amazing. Enjoy.

Lisa

Aliki2006 said...

How sweet! Nothing like that old saying about absence and the condition of the heart...

Chaos Control said...

Okay, I'm clearly tired. I read:

"My brain tells me, 'These three people have no need for me. I'm going to the Bahamas.'

Then I put out."

Yep. I need sleep!
Beautiful story, by the way!

Momish said...

How nice for you! It is nice to get that affirmation every now and then. Luckily for me, I have the cat. My husband can't hold a candle to me when it comes to the cat (not that he cares, mind you).

P bounces back and forth to who is her number one. But there are times, like at 3AM as she screams for her daddy, I honestly don't mind being second choice.

emilyhope said...

Always nice to know you are missed and loved!

carmachu said...

Even when you appear secodn choice, you really arent. Isnt it nice when they really want you after your gone?

Very sweet.

PunditMom said...

Yup .. they DO love you! That's a great, sweet story!

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

Awwww...the showering of hugs and kisses is the best. Traveling for business can suck, but the homecomings are worth it!

Mel said...

God, I'm hormonal. That made me do the whole deal - welling tears in the eyes, hitching chest, quivering lip, and all.
I love the way you describe your family's love.
Love it.

Roy said...

good lord, i don't remember ANY of my kids pining for EITHER one of us like that when they were younger and one of us had to travel... did we do something wrong?

and now, they're older so they can't wait for at least one of us, if not both, to leave!

hmmm... i don't know...

scribbit said...

It's great to be missed. I especially like it when my husband misses me, makes me feel needed.

Starrlight said...

It's good to take some time away from them. That is one plus on joint custody. 90% of the time, the Kidlet loves me to death. Of course she is 12 that can change at any moment :P

Starrlight said...

It's good to take some time away from them. That is one plus on joint custody. 90% of the time, the Kidlet loves me to death. Of course she is 12 that can change at any moment :P

mel said...

Oh, I so know what you mean about the always being number 2.

So sweet how much they missed you. And all of the kisses - what a lucky Mama.

Shauna said...

That's so sweet.
I'm on the other end. "Can't you go to Dad for just one minute?" "NO, MOM!" But when Dad is out a lot (like he is now), then Nicholas realizes how much he loves Dad, too.

flutter said...

That is the sweetest thing I have ever heard. That kiss fest with your baby. *sigh*

FENICLE said...

The PSA's were a nice touch.

urban-urchin said...

awww. the image of you and the mayor spinning made me cry. that's a powerful love I tell ya.

Hol said...

Such adoration, and showers of kisses from your baby. It's sweet. I hope to have that someday.

Grim Reality Girl said...

Happy Mother's Day! Glad you got to be #1! They know you love them through and through.... not matter what. The love of MOM is a given... it isn't something they work for.... it isn't something they appreciate until they get a tiny taste of what the day looks like without you... THAT is when they appreciate you! Bask in the glow -- may is last long!

Diesel said...

Awwwwww.

wordgirl said...

I love that song by the Spinners and it's the perfect audio backdrop when your family falls in love with you all over again. And vice versa.

tulipmom said...

I feel like chopped liver a lot lately. Perhaps I need to go away for awhile. Great post!

Slackermommy said...

Yep, the best part of going away is coming back.

kellypea said...

Well, that's pretty romantic and touching and all that *heart* stuff. Good for you!

Rapunzel said...

Oh, the sweetness! I miss those moments...sigh...teenagers don't like to sit on your lap or shower you with kisses...I guess I have to wait for grandparenthood for that again, huh?

Liz said...

Delurking to wish you a very Happy Mother's Day - thanks for sharing some really great bloggity stuff.

Bon said...

this is just starting to happen in my world...daddy has become a rock star.

and i, because i am mature like you, am feeling a little pouty.

perhaps i need a vacation away! then there can be much kissing upon my return!

wanna go to Tahiti with me?

Ally said...

This was a beautiful post. Nothing is better than all of those kisses.

I have to say, though, be careful what you wish for. I am the "first choice" in our house and sometimes all of the attention makes me want to run screaming straight for the pub.

KC said...

Total sweetness. That is the best feeling in the whole world. If only we could bottle it...

Kyla said...

So very sweet!

Kevin Charnas said...

and my eyes are wet and my heart is warm and all feels right with the world...

momomax said...

that was so nice. it made me want to drop everything at work and run home.

lildb said...

oh, hot damn, you had it good for a minute, didn't you. those kisses. oh, good god. the spinning. swoooon.

i want that moment. i suppose i'd better plan a trip pronto if i hope to actually get it.

and, sigh.

rivergirlie said...

you'll be relieved to know that this can go on and on. my son turned 13 recently, but still maintains that my eyelids smell nicer than anything else in the world so he has to snuffle them regularly.