Thursday, April 12, 2007

Truth Schmooth

The Mayor, so called for his gregarious,glad-handing, “Vote for ME” ways, has become an expert fabricator, a teller of tall tales.

On the car ride home from my Grandfather's funeral he wove a long yarn about how his sister Rooster had thrown up in every room of the house while they were home with a babysitter and how the sitter made HIM clean it all up.

He stressed over and over again how concerned he had been that K and I would get vomit on the bottom of our shoes when we returned home because throw up was...

in the kitchen ...

and the dining room...

and the bedroom ...

and the bathroom...

and the…

(this went on for 10 full minutes.)

The truth is that The Mayor himself threw up (twice) when a babysitter was over when K and I were out (trying) to celebrate our anniversary last fall.

Later, The Mayor admonished me for not cooking his favorite food --– “lamins.”

According to The Mayor, lamins are a food product that are

“kind of like mint…and hot dogs… and ice cream...you cook them... and they come in gallon milk jugs.”
The Mayor called me a bad mommy because I have not been buying and preparing lamins.

Finaly, the other morning, The Mayor told me that at church he saw a man all covered in socks and shoes.

“He couldn’t even sit down because he was so covered in socks and shoes!”

Where does this stuff come from?

The Mayor tells his strange, tall tales with passion, conviction and charm.

K and I are sure that the storytelling doesn’t bode well for the teen years.

Surely The Mayor will be a charming kid who tells us everything we want to hear with a broad smile and a comforting tone and then goes and does just what he wants to do.

Though maybe his way of telling us what we want to hear will be comforting to us when we are parents of a teenaged son.

Perhaps his “stories” will protect us from worry -- in the “w
hat you don’t know won’t hurt you” vein.

The tall tales and the early preference for blondes have
K wondering if this is what Bill Clinton was like as a child.

It will be different with his sister.

The Rooster, whose favorite phrase is I DO IT!!!!!, will most likely just give us the finger and slam the door on her way out of the house.


50 comments:

mcewen said...

I can think of any number of different future careers for a chap with such talents! Perhaps you could rank them in priority order as a handy reference guide?
Cheers

Paige said...

I hope Avery didn't teach Roo "I DO IT!!!"

That's all I ever hear in this, my house of hellfire.

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

Oh jebus. I'd give anything for mykid to want to do it herself. She loves to tell stories but I do every little farking thing for her....I gotta stop it. But now she's used to it.

First child. Bah.

Kim said...

I think the mayor is aptly named...his tall tales could eventually get him a seat in office!

With both a charmer and a rebel, the teenage years will be so fun at your house ;)

Robin said...

Maybe the Mayor will grow up to be a famous author? Have him illustrate his tall tales and bind them into a book - it may sell!

Sounds like you have an interesting future ahead of you...

Gingers Mom said...

Ah yes...the difference between boys and girls. I have a feeling my youngest is going to be like your Mayor. Charming. And maybe a little sneaky. LOL

Mrs. Chicky said...

I think that sounds great. He has a good imagination. Although, I'll probably want to eat those words when my own kid gets to that age and starts telling tall tales.

Patience said...

A teller of tall tales. Could be he's looking at a career in politics?

Mrs. Chicken said...

Last night The Poo told us with great authority, while watching a Philadelphia Penguins game, that she "played hockey a long time ago."

I think The Mayor would be a match for her.

Barb said...

I'm curious, what do you say to the mayor when he says you are a bad mommy? My sister's 9 year old son lays it on really thick. "You don't love me as much as my little brother, you are always yelling at me" This really isn't true, but kids can sense that mommy guilt. Last week she started to fall for it and took him out to Krispy Kreme for donuts! Don't fall for the same thing!

Tessa said...

ROFL. I love kids. They amaze you with their minds in so MANY different ways. (I had a Great Aunt that insisted, INSISTED she used to QB for the Dallas Cowboys... but that's... sooooo different from this lol)

I say you should write down the Mayors Stories, find someone to illustrate it and produce a children's story book For Kids, By a Kid

Mimi said...

STOP! If you think too hard about this, you won't let The Mayor's kindly lies of teenagerhood have their desired effect! You still won't know what's going on, but you *will* suspect that something is afoot.

Lamins don't sound very sanitary. Blech.

slouching mom said...

Yesterday Jack told me that he remembers being inside me.

And was extremely stubborn about the truth of it.

The Mayor reminds me a bit of Alice's Henry. Both incredibly creative and bright, and ever so social, which is a quite frightening combination, if you ask me.

The Clinton comparison is spot on.

mommiebear2 said...

Claire enjoys to reminisce about her childhood usually starting her sentences with "Mommy, remember when I was a baby and...." and it is usually followed by a "memory" that never happened. We ususally just nod and agree.

Kyla said...

BubTar is the SAME way. Except his stories generally make us look like terribly negligent parents.

He told my mom, "When I was a baby, my daddy took my baby food and put it in the garbage bag so I would crawl in and get it, and when I did he scooped up the bag and threw me in the trash!"

And also, "One time I was eating gummy worms and my dad took them away and ate them and made me eat REAL worms...and then he and mom threw dirt at me in the backyard."

These are just two examples that my mom told me about...I can't imagine what he tells his teacher at school. *shudder*

TSM-terrifically superiorily mediocre said...

The sock-and-shoe-man goes to our church too! Apparently it's a specific offshoot of the methodist church.

I don't know where these stories come from. But that boy has future in politics, that's fo sho!

Damselfly said...

Hee hee! Reminds me of my youngest brother. And makes me love the Rooster.

Kelly said...

I think this boy needs his own blog!lol

The Holmes said...

Wow, that kid could well end up being one heck of a writer. What an imagination!

Mrs. Schmitty said...

Rooster sounds like my R. I'm not sure that she will wait until the teenage years to give me the finger though. She's already told me she hates me and she's 3.

venessa said...

The world need more imaginative children. Not that I envy your parenting adventures 10 years from now. I just hope you are still blogging!

The Sour Kraut said...

Our younger son just wrote in his school journal that during spring break he was "locked in a box for 1 hour. I had to cut my way out with my pocket knife and ended up in our crawl space."

I called the teacher to make certain she didn't believe a word of it.

Southern Fried Mom said...

As a fellow mother of a future politician, I relate. My second child will also be a door-slamming finger-shooter. All together now, "Oh, The Joys!" I've tagged you with a little tribute at Grits with Cheese.

canape said...

Although I believe each and every word you say, he couldn't possibly take after his dear mother, now could he???

You do weave a fine tale. . .

Marmite Breath or Nat (Don't call me Natalie). said...

Imagination, ain't it great? Except when they tell the teacher lies about you. Then their imagination sucks!

Kevin Charnas said...

Oh man...the mayor just reminded me of someone I know. Good luck with that.

WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME??? IT'S NOT ME I'M TALKING ABOUT!!! JEEZZ... tough crowd.


STOP STARING AT ME!!! IT'S NOT ME THAT HE REMINDS ME OF!!! DAMN IT!!

carmachu said...

Sarah does the tall tale thing. Its so cute!

Pendullum said...

My daughter jus tloves listening to stories,on our courtship, our wedding...any family story and then she retells them to her friends... and somehow the kids think we are a magical family... I wonder how she does it... Her wonderful yarns of gold...I'm thinking of calling her Rumpelstilskin,,,,

Aliki2006 said...

My daughter is an "I do it!" kind of girl herself and my son is the weaver of tales...it's scary to think about what they'll be like for the teenager years, isn't it?

Chrissy said...

The mayor will grow up to invent a tall tales blog that will tower over all other blogs!

Jessica said...

Are you talking about Mayor McCheese? Because if you aren't I'm totally confused.

Nancy said...

I concur with a couple other posts, a future blogger indeed =)

Momish said...

I think the Rooster and my kid would be best of friends if they met.

FENICLE said...

That great imagination will come in handy when he walks in at 1 a.m. and you are sitting on the couch waiting for him.

At this rate, he'll have all kinds of stories ready for ya! Maybe you better start keeping track now...

Ortizzle said...

What the hell are "lamins"? (Or I am just hopelessly ignorant?) (On second thought, don't answer that, just tell me what lamins are.)

Lawyer Mama said...

You could put a positive spin on it. He has an "active imagination!"

Jennifer said...

I think the Mayor sounds like a riot!

Tabba said...

Have you guys ever read any of the Olivia books? Because as I was reading this, all that I kept thinking of was "Olivia Saves The Circus". Kindred spirits that Olivia and your Mayor.

Blog Antagonist said...

Today I got a call from the school. It was DO's teacher. She was calling to find out whether my older son had met a tragic and violent death recently. Why? You ask. Because it seems that DO went to school today at told everyone that his brother had been stabbed to death while away at college. Yeah. I'm sure getting my money's worth out of that therapy.

flutter said...

Your kids would make me piss myself, daily.

urban-urchin said...

Wait, you're not serving Lamins?!!

My daughter is the yarn spinner in our family- telling us tales of music fairies that come out of her father's guitar to tell her about music, etc. I think it's just the sign of a dreamer.

ali said...

i've got one of each...a tall taler, one who'll flip the bird and slam the door.

i wonder who the baby will be more like ;)

mothergoosemouse said...

CJ can't yet speak well enough to say I DO IT!!!!!!! But I expect her to give me the finger any day now.

I love the Mayor's tall tales. Perhaps he will use his talents for good (creative writing) rather than evil (alibis for his transgressions).

QT said...

Lamins sound SO gross. I think you are a good mommy for NOT making them!

I think I see a little bit of Jess in the Rooster...BTW, Love the I DO IT!!! story and have told it (with proper attribution) to many a dad at my office.

Augs Casa said...

I'd like the Joy House should me Augs Casa someday. Video camcorder in hand and a few copies to America's Funniest Videos. We'll split the winnings.

Ann M. said...

I am trying to figure out how someone covered in socks and shoes would sit down, so...I'd have to agree with the Mayor there. He sounds like Edward Bloom from Big Fish. I hope his world is always this magical.

Shamin Rama Ding Dong said...

I want some lamins, mom-ins! They rhyme with Shamins!

If you have another child perhaps you'll consider giving birth to a senator and can use this to obtain a tax break. Mayor's are charming but generally just cut ribbons and such.

My friend's child was asked what he wanted for XMAS and he said a frog house, which is "a house which has rockets, goes up in the sky, then frogs come out and take you to the jungle." So you ask where this stuff comes from?

The Shamin has no answer but its darn funny. I got a kick out out of this!

Lisa Bakewell said...

Though his tales are easy to spot right now...watch out! I can't tell anymore when my Chris is telling stories- he's 8. It takes dad to figure that one out! Hopefully one of you has "story radar" as he gets older.

NotSoSage said...

First off, my condolences on the loss of your Grandfather. I didn't know.

I'm starting to hear these stories from Mme L...but I still suspect she'll be more like The Rooster in her teen years.

ffbgirl said...

The Clinton comment made me laugh out loud!! Maybe the Mayor will become a great novelist with his creativity and ability to tell a good story! Thanks for the laugh! I needed it!