Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Breaker 1-9, We've Got A Tugger!

I am a VICTIM!

I was driving on the highway in traffic and noticed a Land Rover in the lane next to me.

The driver had his sun visor down and had attached a powerful mirror to the back of it.

He had adjusted his sun shade so that it gave everyone on the road a perfect view of his lap.

His LAP!

And do you know what he was doing? ---With his hand? ---In his lap?

Oh. Yes. He. Was.

He was beating off like a madman and looking around to see who noticed.

He left the flap of his truck bed open so that his license plate wasn’t visible. Grrr.

What motivates someone to do something like that?

What response does he want or expect from me, me the innocent driver to his left?

"Dude! Way to tug it!"

IMG_4748

118 comments:

Blog Antagonist said...

Ew. You should have held up your thumb and pointer finger about an inch apart and shaken your head in pity.

People are so GROSS.

Suburban Mum said...

Ew!

I was once in a car with my ex-mother-in-law and we were stuck in traffic. A man got out of the car two in front of ours, went to the car immediately in front of ours and unzipped his trousers, in full view of us and the cars around us. The woman driver then did something I really didn't want to witness sitting next to my ex-MIL, especially when she said to me "what IS that man doing?"

slouching mom said...

What a freakin' perv.

Just yuck.

(And your face in that photo? Priceless.)

Annie said...

What a moron! I wonder how many kids innocently looking out their windows copped an eyeful of that - that's horrible.

Toni said...

Awesome picture! I guess you can say he was 'multi tasking'.

Ewww! Just ewww!

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

That's great. So glad you could find a way to get through that...I would have puked.

Kind of Crunchy Mama said...

I can't believe all the planning he did. It wasn't just a whim, he really thought about it.

Jennifer said...

Nice. Where do freaks like this come from?

Eww.

Marmite Breath said...

What is WRONG with people??

QT said...

It is sad that he needed to do that to get off. There are some very disgusting people in this world. When I was in college, there was a flasher that would hang around. He was filthy and disgusting, and had been arrested so many times the cops didn't even come anymore when you would call them.

K&M said...

Good lord! People are freaks! you should platewire him.

cinnamon gurl said...

Noooooooo!

That really doesn't seem like safe driving practice... I mean cell phones are bad.

Kara said...

gross!!

Mimi said...

EWWW! Gross!

Mrs. Chicken said...

oh god, how gross!

Theresa said...

I'm with blog antagonist - I would have used my thumb and index finger to illustate about an inch and held it up to him and shook my head!

I feel for any children that had to witness that!

Jodi the Librarian said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kim said...

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!
...what else is there to say, really?! what. a. perv.

Little Monkies said...

You have to *think* to come up with that shit.

Jennifer said...

Ick, ick, ick, ick. I would try to think of something else to say, but "Ick" just fits so perfectly.

Ick!

Jodi the Librarian said...

OK, this happened to me one time and I had my children with me, thankyouverymuch. The dude was in a pickup truck and I called my children's attention to something out the other side of the car, all the while staring at this guy because - I kid you not - he had the hugest salami I've ever seen.

Really, I could almost forgive him for putting it on display. In fact, I wanted to have him pull over so I could direct him to the nearest Ripley's Believe It or Not musuem. That thing should be stuffed and on display for the amazement of all humankind. I mean, does he carry a donkey gene or something?

A freak on so many levels. I dearly hope this perv forgets to tuck his hoo-haa into his boot when he stops for gas and accidentally shuts it in his truck door. Maybe just the verrrrry tip of it.

Kelly said...

Ewwwwww.... How did you not wreck?

WILLIAM said...

Maybe the On STAR lady was talking dirty to him.

radical mama said...

Yucky!!!!

Patience said...

What concentration he must have to avoid colliding with everyone on the road!

I commute to work in mega-traffic every day. I've seen drivers doing everything you can imagine while they're supposed to be driving, but I don't think I've seen that!

One morning my husband & I were stuck in the commuter lane because there had been a wreck ahead of us. When that happens, generally you're just ... stuck. No going forward, no going backward. Finally it seemed the traffic started to move ahead of the car in front of us, but that car just sat there. We realized that there was someone in the passenger seat, but no one in the driver seat! Wha?!? Finally my husband beeped the horn, and what should appear but the driver's head popping up! Where had his head been? Perhaps in the lap of the person in the other seat! They were very oblivious to the world around them, that's certain!

Soon we were all on our way! Zoom, zoom, zoom, indeed!

corgimom said...

A camera--puts a stop to almost any illicit behavior and makes the perp/perv worry for days about what you did with the picture. Oh, and Jodi the librarian: all research into these matters indicates these guys are above average in salami size (the things one recalls from law school...)

kgirl said...

That makes picking your nose seem positively polite.

Nancy said...

I get so angry at these pervs, I would have called the cops and followed the asswipe until the police caught up with you.

Jennifer said...

lmao!!!

Freaking priceless!

Two Knives said...

Maybe he was a PhD student and it was a social experiment?

Catizhere said...

Yep. I would have honked at him and pointed and laughed.

Kevin said...

That is some funny right there.

Lisa said...

Oh. My. Gosh. Ew. Ew. Ew. Yeah, I don't get why he'd want to do that either.

Mona said...

Did he have mud flaps? He seems like the kind of creep who would have mud flaps with either Yosemite Sam or that female silhouette on them.

Eww all around.

Lawyer Mama said...

Ewwwww! Where's a camera when you need one.

Love the picture. LOVE it!

Jill said...

Oh my!

NotSoSage said...

You have to admire his organization skills, though. The planning that would have taken!

Jon said...

i'm going to pretend that i never read this...

- Jon
- Daddy Detective
- http://www.daddydetective.com

Super B's Mom said...

You. Are. Freaking. Kidding. Me.

But William is right - maybe the OnStar rep was feelin' frisky.

Jenny Ryan said...

EEEWWW!

Gross, and unsafe-I'm thinking potential car accident right there.

PunditMom said...

Time to find a different route to wherever you were headed!

The Queen Mama said...

Ummm....bleah. And ick.

Ryan said...

Yeah.... if he was super talented, he would have been able to switch hands and not miss a beat - but that takes some practice.

I think I missed the point?

mox said...

I shouldn't be laughing, why am I laughing? that is nasty. ptooey. blech.

QueenieB said...

So sad. I hope he passes his mom while doing that one day.

And I used to think the same thing when I lived in New York, and I'd pass those guys on the corner, whispering lewd things at every woman who passed-it brought out my inner Dr. Phil, and I wanted to ask them "hey, how's that workin' for ya? gettin' any dates there creepy?".

You should have just pointed and laughed.

Fairly Odd Mother said...

I hope he drove by a cop.

Your photo is awesome.

Misa Gracie said...

Oh no. just no. please. no.

Maybe it was an accident? Maybe he forgot the mirror was there and he was on his way to fill a cup to artificially inseminate his loving wife who is battling infertility - but probably not. He's just a disgusting public wanker.

gross is right.

Melina said...

Reminds me of when I was in highschool and we went to a competion from AZ to CA, we were all on the bus and a car pulls up next to the bus on the freeway and he was having a jolly good time with himself, of course we all were looking and pointing and laughing, I'm surprised we didn't knock the bus over from all of us on one side.

Sun shade Mirror: $15.00
Landrover: $60,000
Making sure that everyone knows you are wacking off: Priceless

Great Picture!

Yamagoo said...

That's absolutely hysterical! Thanks for sharing that beautiful image with me. I will now have to try and bleach that from my brain somehow!

Mrs. Schmitty said...

Oh Gross! I just don't know what else to say!

Bob Dylan said...

lot of idiotson that road. drive carefully.

Paige said...

Wonder what inspired him...in the car...on the highway...to tug.

katy said...

When I was in high school I worked at the local burger king and a guy came through drive through completely naked doing the same thing. He only ordered a burger and he should be glad because if he had ordered a coffee I would have had so much more fun!

aeronwen said...

Ok, ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Kendra said...

A highway wacker, they are the worst. LOL! :)

The Sour Kraut said...

WTF? People like this scare me.

ali said...

i once saw this. i was completely traumatized. i was 16. and he was slimy and gigantic and had this giant smile on his face. i still have nightmares. some people are so pervy.

Tracysan said...

Hey, Mona, my Grandpa had mudflaps with Yosemite Sam on them! (Oh God, the mental image...get it out! GET IT OUT!)

I keep thinking of the lip gloss scene from The Sweetest Thing...

wendy boucher said...

And they think that cell phone users are distracted drivers.

Abbynormal said...

OH MY GOSH. You have got to be joking what an asshole. That is disgusting.

YOu are hilarious. I swear. Something like that is just waiting for me..

Good heavens. i can't believe all the planning that went into it. Ew

liv said...

wow. if land rover driver's are like that, i'll have to reconsider my next car purchase plan... eww!

Bon said...

people. ew.

your face, though? funny.

JayJenny said...

EW! Who does that?

carrie said...

That is so gross.

I'll go with everyone else who already said it "I'd do the teeny weeny sign".

If it makes you feel any better, my ENTIRE family saw a bare butt (female even) last week on the way to the zoo hangin' out of a Toyota.

Carrie

dragonfly183 said...

Well, some people get off on the fact that people are watching them do it. He must not be getting enough attention at home.

Chag said...

Wow. That guy went to a lot of trouble just to skeev people out.

Jordan said...

Umm, yeah. That is SUPER disgusting!!!

Double eewww.

mcewen said...

Good grief! I have heard of thrill seeking, but this puts a whole new slant on it.

Poor little chappie to have to resort to such measures of seeking attention. The behaviour of the truly desperate.

And as you so wisely point out 'small' may be the digit we wish to refer to.

Cheers

Mrs. Chicky said...

Eww. Seriously. Eww.

Christina_the_wench said...

Ew. Throw a box of Kleenex at his sorry ass. Nasty man.

tulipmom said...

Talk about a joy ride -- NOT!

That kind of deliberate perviness is just sick.

Southern Fried Mom said...

You're so pretty...no wonder the guy was all aroused & all. I mean, if you're half as gorgeous in person as in that photo--I'm feeling a little excited myself....

SERIOUSLY---EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

Dirty Birdie said...

I would have swurved into his lane and watch as he tugged it clean off trying to keep his car in his lane. Ass-hat.

That is so nasty, what a dick {snark}

kfk said...

I LOVE YOU! Dying over here, you know.

Lizzy said...

Nice.

That's just Klassy.

Mel said...

Yecchhhh. I wish you had a camera with you; even the simple act of pointing it at his face would have been enough to freak him out.
Oh, well. At least the kids didn't have to see it. Yeeeeeccccchh.

Shauna said...

I think I need a shower now.

Aliki2006 said...

YUCK! YUCK!

I can't say anymore--how disgusting.

Kyla said...

Barf. Seriously, that is so gross.

But you? You are hystericallay funny!

Meegan said...

That is some disgusting shit. Although you kinda gotta admire the planning that went into it. I mean, the powerful mirror? He probably had to comparison shop for it. "Hmmm...which of these will allow innocent victims a better view of my dong?"

croutonboy said...

Forget the grossness....how do you change lanes with one hand full? And that better not be a stick-shift, buddy...

Don't worry...I won't test this myself. I'd stay away from any used trucks at your local dealerships for a while, though...

g-man said...

What motivates one to do that?

Not getting enough.

(I guess) Definitely not normal.

The Davis' said...

Gross!

One day I heard a woman call into a radio station that I was listening to. She said that the guy next to her in traffic, was picking his nose and singing along to the station's music. The Radio announcer asked, "What is he doing now?", and the woman said "He's laughing."

That might have been interesting in your situation. (Loved your picture!)

Crystal said...

Ha ha, that's nuts!

Heather said...

Ewwwwwwwww

When I was a bank teller in college I had a pervert who called and asked repeatedly, "if I drive through the drive-thru naked, will you look?" I didn't understand him the first time and spent days awaiting his arrival.

mommiebear2 said...

OMG!! I dont know if I would have laughed or drive off the damn road!!

Jackie said...

Eeeeewwww. Nasty. nasty. nasty.

(love your picture though)

The Medium Swede said...

Is there a problem with a guy letting off a little steam on the way home? I don't think so.....

Denguy said...

See, I told you that you make me laugh.

Why do these weird things always happen to you?

TBG Happenings said...

first off yuck and for the sake of the rest of the world lets hope it didn't take long....

your picture was perfect!

-maryellen

Virtualsprite said...

OMG! That is way too funny... and tragic. Seriously, what is it about the highway that just brings out the pervs?

Damselfly said...

Yep, that expression, along with the thumbs-up, should be just what he was hoping for.

BOSSY said...

Oh for Joy's sake: Now you've got Bossy spitting out her midnight snack!

carmachu said...

Only you, dear joy, only you.

*points and laughs*

Ah ha

/Nelson

jen said...

i've seen that a few times. it's something else, those tuggers.

Marymurtz said...

I couldn't add anything to the rest of the responses except to chime in and say "EEEWWWWWWW!"

wordgirl said...

Laughing usually deflates things like this...unless...you know...you're into that kind of thing.

modmom said...

i feel violated.

katy said...

Hi Jessica, nice to meet you.

EE said...

Gross!!!!
My first day of college, I was on my way to the dining hall. A disgusting old man was standing by his vehicle stroking himself. Luckily, there was a security guard around, and the perv was busted. I had to describe the event in court!
Love your response...you rock!!!

Stepping Over the Junk said...

WAY TO TUG IT!! Oh my gosh, this guy really thought the whole thing through, didnt he? Grody to the max.

Lindsey said...

That's pretty bad. I feel violated, too. And not in a good way.

Mrs. M said...

in high school (a million years ago) the bball team (not me, oh no, i was a cheerleader) had made it to some finals thingy. anyway on our way home on the big yellow bus a car pulls of next to us with his lights on so all of us young school kids could see him, um, tugging. the bus nearly flipped with everyone running to one side. gross!

thanks for bringing up that memory!

wayabetty said...

OH.MY.GOODNESS!! He was "slapping his monkey around?" Man!

urban-urchin said...

eww- pervy. one of the last weekends living in San Francisco, we were driving home up Market Street toward Twin Peaks, and I was stopped at the light at Castro and Market. I casually looked to my right and in full glory on the street side of the street (not the sidewalk, not even in front of the car between the bumpers BUT ON THE STREET), one gentleman had another bent over the hood of a car having full on naked sex.

I had my children in the car with me. Thank GOD they were asleep.

Shelli said...

lol. and. ewwwww. :)

Queen Karana said...

Geeeeeez. And people say that talking on the cell phone while driving is dangerous.

YUCK.

Kevin Charnas said...

Maybe he just expected a cigarette? And instead, you could've just handed him a lit firecracker.

Lotta said...

Ok, funny and then I thought about him pulling up to a car with kids. I would have chucked my big gulp of Diet. Dr. Pepper on his lap.

Jhianna said...

Congratulations, my office now thinks that I've lost my ever-lovin mind.

Priceless photo/face/thumb *LOL*

Tessa said...

LOL... I have to wonder.. just how bored WAS he in traffic?? Geesh!

Liam's Mom - Gina said...

OH MY...

At least your self portrait is laughable... you are so funny (no, not funny looking).

Lisa said...

Now I've heard it all. Love the pic!

Mamma said...

Nuh uhn!!!

You should have laid on the horn and pointed at him.

Flawed & Disorderly said...

You are so observant! I doubt I ever would have looked over much less thought to look in his mirror and figure out what was going on his lap. You are such a super spy! You are in the wrong business!

He is so gross, but I can't help but be impressed that he's such a pro he can do it while driving a car! I know I couldn't have an orgasm while driving. That's too much to think about. I'd end up running off the road.

Dad Gone Mad said...

Oh come ON, people! Like you've never rubbed one out in the McDonalds drive-thru?

Wait. You haven't? Seriously?

Oh.

Um, OK.

Have to go now.

Deanna (domestic chicky) said...

What kind of car was it?!?!?


Hehehe..

Tori :) said...

I'm shocked that a MALE could drive and jack off at the same time. Wow. I'm impressed.