Thursday, March 22, 2007

You Can Call Me Steve

I've mentioned before that it was only last year that my friend Elke took me by the furry Cro-Magnon brow and dragged me to the threading lady.

Being new to the whole eyebrow grooming realm, I kept going to the threading parlor -- though not frequently enough!

This week I found myself sporting
a brow situation inside a nail place that offered waxing services.

Since I've established that it is probably a mistake to shave my eyebrows, I thought I'd give the whole wax thing a whirl.

The nice young woman from Saigon applied the wax (which was totally fine) and then she seemed to be smoothing a nice piece of fabric over the top and...

MARY MOTHER OF GOD!!!!

I actually screamed.

Just like this 40-year-old virgin guy:


chesthair



What 39 year old woman screams over an eyebrow wax?

I embarrassed myself mightily.

So right then, in my moment of deep shame, Lady Wax says (in her OUTSIDE VOICE mind you),

"YOU WANT ME TO DO YOUR LIP?"

Now I know I'm not the most learned woman in the ways of feminine beauty, but I had to say,
"STEP OFF, WAXER LADY!"

Mustachioed is the new black.

Upper Lip

81 comments:

Sketchy said...

LOL!!! OK I'm new to your blog, but I picked a good time! Oh the things we do to ourselves.

Blog Antagonist said...

ROFL. Yes, it hurts like hell the first couple of times. But it does get better. I do mine at home myself. Saves me money and I can control the rippage myself. It's the surprise, I think, that really does you in. I'm sure you look stunningly beautiful mustachio'd or not. :?)

Robyn said...

Oh yeah, the lip is brutal. I'd rather give birth than have someone else do it. At least when I do my own, I know when it's coming!

nila said...

No, it doesn't get better. My wax lady tells me that if I didn't wait so long and had less hair, it would hurt less. My face always feels like it's on fire and swollen for hours afterwards. The lip hurts a little less.

I can't even fathom a brazilian wax. That's a burning sensation I'll steer clear from, thank you very much.

Cat, Galloping said...

every single time i have a manicure, they're all over me, shouting, EYEBROWS?! EYEBROWS?! But then I started plucking my own, and I noticed that they still shout EYEBROWS at me, so I choose to believe that they're after the up-sell, not making fun of my cro-magnon brow...

BOSSY said...

Bossy thinks perhaps a goatee would complete your look. By the way - what about how everyone is testifying that "it gets better"? Bossy thinks we should look into this. Is it because we are killing the pain cells surrounding our eyes? Are we paralyzing the underlying muscles with wax? Wha?

Twisted Cinderella said...

LOL! Too funny! I never fail to flinch when they wax my eyebrows. Sometimes, I even bleed!!!!

Jan B said...

Ok, I am the weird one, I actually like having my eyebrows waxed. The feeling for me is like having my back scratched when it itches really badly. I have never done the lip or anything below the chin level. OW!

Deb said...

It hurts, but not that bad! I went and had my legs done and thought gee maybe I should do my bikini line since I can't see past the big pregnant belly....Needless to say tha lady almost got punched!~

Kyla said...

Threading feels better than waxing? For some reason, it sounds much more terrifying to me.

You are one funny lady, Steve.

Bob said...

"put the wax down, step away, and no one will get hurt."

my wife went through a period where she waxed her legs instead of shaving. I was recruited to help on the difficult-to-reach parts. urg.

We never tried facial bits. urg squared.

Virtualsprite said...

It's funny how once those sadists get the wax out, they just can't seem to stop. I have virtually no eyebrows and yet they can always find some thing up there to was.

You made me laugh this morning. Thank you! I definitely needed it!

Robin said...

It doesn't get better, you just get used to it. It's the surprise of it the first couple of times.

One good thing about waxing your eyebrows - if you do it long enough, you can kill off the hair follicle and it stops growing back.

venessa said...

I dunno, I think your mustache is most becoming...

DD said...

If you grow your 'stache long enough, it may enhance your 1000BJ or Bust goal.

On the other hand, it might just squick out your husband.

Queen Karana said...

I think I probably would've screamed too. I've never waxed anything. Ouch.

slouching mom said...

Now I know we're meant to be friends. I have big brows, baby. And for me, too, it was only last year that I tried the wax thing, only to discover that yes, in fact, I am a baby. Tears come out of my eyes. My hairdresser spares me embarrassment by telling me that I just have really sensitive skin.

Yeah, right.

Meanwhile, my brows have grown back thicker each time I've had a wax. So now I am forced to endure this TORTURE (yes, it is!) every six weeks.

I hate it.

NotSoSage said...

I'm with bossy. A 'stache without something to balance it out on the chin is just creepy...

Rrrowwrrr.

QT said...

BE CAREFUL!!! While you may not think eyebrow artistry is very important right now whilst you still have Cro-Magnon brow, I have been zipping mine off for over 10 years. Eventually, the shit no longer grows back - hopefully the person you went to last knew what they were doing, unlike me - I have to fill in a part of my brow that someone waxed odd, leaving me with uneven brows.

The lip doesn't even phase me anymore - seriously. After a brazilian, nothing really phases you anymore. Except underarms - YOUCH!

Nancy said...

You must not EVER consider a Brazilian wax if the brow hurt!

Lawyer Mama said...

Yeah, it hurts like a mo fo. And after I had one sadist wax lady ask if I wanted my lip done, I spent HOURS in the mirror trying to fgure out if I was growing facial hair.

I kind of like the new 'stache.

Pendullum said...

Better you than me...

So, do you do tricks with your new eyebrows???

Diana said...

I had my eyebrows waxed ONCE and I screamed and there were some tears. Never again. i pluck 'em myself now, and that doesn't hurt. What DOES hurt is the fact that I can't find the time to do them sometimes and I end up with bushes over my eyes...

The Medium Swede said...

Ha!!! Just be careful where else she wants to go.....

The Medium Swede said...

by the way i agree with diana, although i have not really ended up with bushes over my eyes since college!

PunditMom said...

HA! You are SUCH a trendsetter! ;)

PunditMom said...

And if you think THAT'S bad, don't EVER let her say, "Bikini wax??"

Undercover Angel said...

LOL! Just be glad she didn't offer you a bikini wax...

I've never had any kind of waxing done. I'm a big chicken...

Groovy Lady said...

I screamed the first time I got my brows waxed.. that was years ago though and now it doesn't phase me.

I agree with Nancy... "You must not EVER consider a Brazilian wax if the brow hurt!"

It's right up there with labor pains. Where the only thing you can do is grit your teeth, curl your toes and scream like a bitch. :D

Bon said...

wear that 'stache with pride, sistah!

personally, i've done the waxing thing on both brows and lip and i think it sucks. threading has always scared me but your post leads me to suspect that perhaps it's the less barbaric way to go...?

me, i'm kinda fond of my tweezers and my lip bleach.

Dirty Birdie said...

oh God, I remember watching my mom get her lip waxed....EWE!!

I wax my own eyebrows, it's just so much easier and I don't have to pay for it. That and I like torturing myself. Now if I could only muster up the balls to give myself a brazilian I'd be golden.

karrie said...

I am so happy to be blonde. I can convince myself that my brows are invisible. Messy, yet invisible.

MamaLee said...

I will not EVER wax. And after I watched 40 Year Old Virgin, I repeat this mantra again and again!

wordgirl said...

I can't get a handle on how the threading thing works. It sounds like more trouble than tweezers.

rivergirlie said...

my son said, 'mummy i love kissing you just next to your mouth because i can feel your little moustache.'
booooo
(you look a little like tom cruise with that moustache - but you really need a monobrow for the full effect)

Natalie said...

I have scary browns and don't care. They aren't all that scary I guess. Maybe I should do something. Maybe not from what you said.

g-man said...

Funny story, I so totally can't relate. When I get the monobrow I just use the good old Norelco. No wax for this kid.

Kendra said...

burt brows are always sexy! just think of what the ol' brazilian feels like, no thank you!!!!

Kim said...

I probably would've screamed too! Just the thought of it makes me shudder a bit...plucking I'm ok with, but no waxer lady's gonna get that close to me!

...I'm a wax virgin and after reading this I think I'll stay that way ;)

mommiebear2 said...

You are way too funny! I remember going to get my eyebrows done with my sister and it had been some times since she'd been in. As she was sitting there the lady was checking her brows out, and getting all set up when she told my sister "It like jungle up there". I almost fell out of my chair I was laughing so hard.

The Queen of Shake-Shake said...

I heart my tweezers. I feel like such a big sissy for NOT getting the wax jobs. Come on, I birthed a 9.5 lb baby with no epidural...I should be able to handle eyebrow waxing. But now that I've read your post, I think I'll stay loyal to my tweezers.

I'm so glad mustachioed is the new black! I'm in vogue!

Alpha DogMa said...

Tell me more! Tell me more! I have thin, wispy eyebrows and spent the better of the part of the 80s wishing I had thick luxuriant eyebrows a la Brooke Shields.
Now I'm not so sad.

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

I love your pictures.

So I guess it's safe to say, you've never had a brazilian?

Paige said...

Did you go to Ow-Ow? You must have. Because Ow-Ow not only physically abuses you, she then takes you down a few extra notches with a "See? Now you look like girl again."

Jennifer said...

I've never had anything waxed...to skeered.

Love the 'stache, it really works for you!

Shannon said...

Eyebrow waxing wasn't as bad as I thought.

But when I tried to give myself a bikini wax....KELLY CLARKSON...did it hurt like a mofo. Now I have a happy face pattern down there (j/K).

Mrs. Chicky said...

Hey, real mothers have mustaches. And side burns. And goatees.

The waxing thing gets easier. Do it enough times and you'll barely feel it. Really. Would I lie to you? :)

Abbynormal said...

Good heavens! The waxing is not fun! I am about the brave the Brazilian but I am trying to get up the courage. Yow!

You look good with the tache. Yahoo!

Chaos Control said...

Oh, thank God that mustachiod is the new black. I'm finally in style!!!!!

Lisa Fine Goldstein/Kelly Kelly said...

Wow, you are my hero. I am really OCD about my brows, and need to pluck em one at a time for maximum control...

This was so funny. Really stressed out today, so i needed it. Thank you.

Lisa

Pattie said...

I dunno...the mustache is kinda cute
;-)

AnotherMomCreation said...

hehehe, I am still too chicken shit to get mine done. Nope just tweeze a few here and there, but I sense it would look better if I had a pro wax them....

CamiKaos said...

the brow waxing does not get better. It will always hurt as much as it did the first time, it's just that you become emotionally prepared for the urge to kill the person ripping out your hair. Still I prefer waxing to the plucking. One quick pain compared to hundreds of single tweezer plucks. OUCH!

Kristin said...

Damn - I tell you, this maintenance thing is hell.

reluctant housewife said...

You poor thing.

But the brows look absolutely fabulous! I was worried that you would be stuck with a permanently surprised look on your face..

Lotta said...

Never do it at those nail joints. Painful and they make your eyebrows so skinny!

Mom on Coffee said...

I'm a sneezer. It never fails, I get the brows waxed and I sneeze all over the place. I started doing it myself after the time snot actually flew out of my nose. True story.

theotherbear said...

Ugh. That sounds painful. And now I feel bad about my hairy face.

Dirty Birdie said...

32F?!?!? Those aren't boobs, those are flippin PLANETS.

A.J.Reams said...

I am totally afraid of the waxing lady and her bowl of wax stuff. No way in the world would I ever have it done. Mostly because, with my luck, waxing lady would have gotten up on the wrong side of the bed and I would end up walking out with half an eyebrow. No thanks!

TSM-terrifically superiorily mediocre said...

We've already discussed the benefits of waxing vs shaving, haven't we?

Only thing about waxing I don't like is how red my skin is for a day afterwards. Plucking is fine with me!

mamatulip said...

Brow waxing is as far as I go. Anything else can be bleached.

notfearingchange said...

i had a woman who spent many hours making my nether region into the naked form.
The thing was she was hilariously funny - actually reminds me of you OJoy! So when she would wax she would get me totally laughing for way longer than a normal wax. The laughter would be dispersed with loud "OOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWs" But my laugh (as you know) is loud...so other clients of the spa would ask their ladies what was going on in the other room - they would respond...you don't want to know.

flutter said...

Ok ok ok ok ok ok ok. I had my lip waxed once by a hair nazi. oh my god OH MY GOD!

She put wax that was too hot on my lip, so it pulled not only the hair but the first 2 layers of skin off also. So instead of barely visible peach fuzz, I had a very visible scabstache.

oy.

The Sour Kraut said...

I am another wax virgin. I pluck my brows the old-fashioned way.

For the 'stache I use the micro razor. I can use it because my lip hair is very light. I've seen women with dark hair use it and it is a bad mistake.

carmachu said...

You women do the strangest things in teh name of beauty....

Julie Pippert said...

My lady? Is out on medical leave. For months.

This is sad, but true.

Thus the caterpillars marching across my brow.

I don't even have eye watering because all I can think is how much better it will be. That and how much I hate Brooke Shields who LIED and said if you waxed long enough the hair never comes back.

Although...she said that in her 20s.

I wonder what she'd say NOW, at THIS age.

Jenifer G. said...

Why is it that I laugh out loud while reading your posts, prompting hubby to get up (from his laptop) to see what is making me laugh. YOU ARE SO FREAKING FUNNY! That is why!

Bizarre confession. I don't wax, thread or anything...I pluck the occasional stray, but that is about it. I am most unhairy.

The girls however, are proving to be a bit hairier than me. Hubby being of Greek descent has told me to be prepared...their wee brows are already bigger than mine. My sister-in-law has offered to handle all hair removal situations.

Whew.

Ryan said...

Ok, you actually look really good with a moustache.

I never have, and never will say that again in public.

Ortizzle said...

true beauty
has its price
but a moustache
is also nice

metalia said...

Your eyebrows happen to look amazing.

Glad you kept the 'stache--it makes you look very distinguished.

Tabba said...

I keep telling Rav that he should get his waxed (for his eye-talian unibrow thing) that it's so much easier than plucking them out, painfully, one-by-one. If he reads this (and I know he will), I'll lose him forever!

I'm with you though, the eyebrows are one thing.....the lips and other, Ahem, areas are another!

WILLIAM said...

Captain Morgan

Above Average Joe said...

Waxing up top. Waxing down below. Shaving here and there. What you women will do for your men. Or is it to look better than each other?

Kelly said...

Wax on.
Wax off.
Son of a...!

I say keep wax off.

carrie said...

Must. Wax. Eyebrows. Tonight.

Thank you for the reminder, and btw, does threading hurt at all?

Carrie

Mamma said...

A few rules re: waxing.

1. Never have it done at a nail place (not that your's don't look fabulous) but they aren't the best. Ask around...preferably someone with eyebrows like ours...there will be one place that everyone swears by. Here in NoVA it's Timi at Sugarhouse. I don't let anyone else touch the brows. The woman is a master.

2. Get a brazillian. Then the eyebrows don't seem to hurt at all.

Fairly Odd Mother said...

Great photo! I've only had my eyebrows done (waxed) once but I broke out in huge hives all over my forehead---lovely!

Jenny said...

Good job, Magnum.

That's why I stick with tweezers.

Anonymous said...

I get my eyebrows waxed regular, and it's not the wax I mind...it's the tweezing! Last time, I wanted to hit something, it hurt so bad! I guess it's nice that my waxer makes sure everything is perfectly in place by going over her work with the tweezers but it is EXCRUTIATING!

~Kate

Victoria said...

Ouchie.