Despite The Strategic Plan I have no privacy in the bathroom.
I am routinely asked to answer questions like, "Mom, are you making poop?"
The Mayor insists that I respond -- confirming (or denying) the act.
The indignity!
A few days ago things escalated and it was made clear to me that now I was also expected to characterize the poop.
"Mom, is it a Regally Poop or a Fanetti Poop?"
[Blink. Blink.]
I understood that in the Mayorese language "regally" meant "regular" but the meaning of "fanetti" escaped me completely.
Fanetti? What could that be?
I thought harder than ought to be asked of a woman trying to poop.
Is it Italian poop?
The poop of Mr. Fanetti?
This is Mr. Fanetti
He thinks not.
Then I thought that perhaps I had the wrong spelling.
Maybe he said "Fun Eddie" poop.
When I searched for "Fun Eddie" on the internet I got this guy...
Fun Eddie
...and I'm fairly certain that he/it and my poop have NOTHING to do with one another.
Finally I asked The Mayor directly, "What IS fanetti poop?"
"You know, Mom" he said, rolling his eyes. "Fanetti poop is SPARKLY poop."
Of course!
Whose poop isn't SPARKLY?
I poop The Blingety, Bling Poop!
Diamonds shoot out my Dana!
I'm so J-Lo!
After that happy thought, I wondered if The Mayor didn't mean something else, but couldn't pronounce it.
I strained myself thinking...
"Mayor, when you said "fanetti poop," did you mean "CONFETTI poop?"
"Yeah, confetti poop, mom!"
So was it regally or fanetti?
Leprechauns sounded the ceremonial tubas...
The sky filled with tiny pellets that rained down upon the people...
...and the people rejoiced, for there was fanetti.
87 comments:
Holy Crap!!
Gotta love it!!
Oh my god. I need to live in your house.
Fanetti Poop, I just love it.
Had a lot of corn for dinner at the OTJ house lately?
This, this is awesome. My day will go better now, because every time I am the slightest bit irritated, I will think about regally and fanetti poop, and all will be well with the world.
I too thought sparkly meant corn poop. But then I got to the confetti part and well, eww...
Wow, a whole new spin on pooping! Maybe Wonder Mom could get Stinkfoot to poop on the potty if she knew confetti was going to spray everywhere and a parade marched through the living room with clowns giving out candy.
Ask him what he calls it when a kid eats a barbie shoe at a playdate, and chases it with a blog of blue playdoh.
blog=blob. obviously. :)
ROTFLMAO!!
Okay... I regularly go to the bathroom with a houseful of people. There is no peace, no privacy at my house!
I love the "fanetti" poop, though! That is classic!
Oh dear God this is hilarious.
Mr. Fanetti looks like his poop would be very unfestive. And Fun Eddie? Does he actually poop? 'Cause that would be really cool.
But I'm still unclear on what exactly constitutes a "confetti" poop? Poop dotted with fun colors? Poop that is in little pieces like confetti? Both?
Is it possible for the Mayor to clarify this for your readers? You know, so we can characterize our poop, too?
And be sure to thank him for the laughs :)
Let me guess: You guys have fanetti poop after a meal including corn.
Oh my sweet fanetti. This was hilarious.
Funny and, um, descriptive. What a character.
This is so hilarious! Fanetti poop!
I am curious as to what confetti poop consists of?
And I thought "Dropping a Deuce" was bad. No worries, when I go to the turlet to pee, my son wants in with me and asks me if I "touch the poo poo". That's budski's way of saying touch the weanus.
I have to ask as well, what exactly does Fanitti Poop look like? :)
Well there is a new spin on dropping the kids off at the pool ... add fanetti and what a party! The Mayor is adorable.
Emma is eating a sprinkle doughnut right this minute. Do you suppose she will poop fanetti? If she does, do you want me to take a picture for you to post on your blog?
Donut sprinkles sound WAY better than corn.
I mean, in the bathroom you just have to ask yourself sometimes...
"WHY EVEN EAT CORN?"
I'm just so glad you don't have the pictures to prove it.
That is not a dare, either.
"I strained myself thinking..."
Hahahahaha...
My nephew used "sparkly" to describe having pins-and-needles. Now that's the kind of poop that has you visiting the doctor.
Please let him watch the American Idol finale show -- so much Fanetti!
I recall when we were building our house my then four year old son said he had to go potty. Thinking he just had to pee I told him to go behind a shrub.
Then he yelled, "I need a wipe!"
Ugh. There lying in the grass was the biggest turd I'd ever seen. How it came out of a four year old I'll never know. It was big, long, multi-colored and glistening in the sunlight, with recognizable bits of gum.
Definitely a Fanetti Poop.
And now I have a name for it.
fanetti! FuNNY!
So far I'm just getting the little guy coming in (no lock on the door, gotta fix that...) and just looking at me. Don't particularly like having an audience...
The only quantifier we get from my little guy is when he has a "GINORMOUS" poop and he wants everyone to go admire it.
At least you respond... I just repeat, "I'M IN THE BATHROOM! UNLESS SOMEONE IS ON FIRE, GO AWAY!"
I think all mothers can sympathize with you. I never have down time - not even when I'm in the bathroom. I get so upset when they are banging on the bathroom door asking me questions or ratting each other out.
I think my 10-month-old has the fanetti poop. Damn solids.
Poop that looked like Mr. Fanetti, who is looking rather poopish in that particular photo would scare the dickens out of me. I'm glad you didn't have one of those.
I swear you crack me up! My 8yo son is laughing his butt off at this one, as poop is one of his favorite topics.
My friend's 4 year old asked me just last night if I was going to poop or pee as I walked into the bathroom. I ignored him, because it was question number 867,952 of the night, and I'd give up around question 2,000.
Hilarious!!! I love figuring out what they mean to say, it always feels like an accomplishment. And when the answer is something like Fanetti Poop, it is even more rewarding. *lol*
Methinks that someone is eating the glitter glue!
We're gonna see your poop on ebay aren't we?
I was just thinking that glitter might pass all the way through without, uh, losing it's shine - ta-dah, Fanetti poop.
Wouldn't want to make it TOO attractive though. They'd never want to get rid of it.
I will never know if my poop in regally or fanetti.....I REFUSE to look!
Do you hear me? I refuse! My only desired contact with said waste is to release it from my body and whatever remnants that need to be removed with TP!
I REFUSE! (hee-hee)
Congrats on the confetti!
Crap on a cracker, you've found the holy grail of poop!!
Better he asks you to characterize it than insist on examining it himself. "Fanetti poop again? You should eat more corn mommy"
Sparkly poop. I love it.
Almost as much as I love it when Julia hears me grunting and comes running into the bathroom to ask me if I'm "feeling bummy."
oh, dear. Fanetti poop. if only it sparkled. that would make cleaning the toilet bowl so much easier!
Holy schnikeys that corn talk is nasty.
Well, confetti or marching bands or however you all have gotten your boy to go potty, I guess it's all right. ;)
I want some of what you are drinkin.
Bwahahaha! Love the
You know what makes great poop? Fruit roll ups...especially the blue ones. You could um...decorate (?) I'm just saying....
Okay, I'm not talking about poop, but for a week my son (almost 4) declared he was "middle lion" before I realized he was trying to say "Madeliene". We won't get into gender issues. He has a doll, he liked pink for two months before he switched to green. We're open that way...
OMGosh!
You are killing me. BWHAHAHAHAHA!
PS: My Super Happy Girl is now in love with fun Eddie.
I don't know what you eat, but i thought all poop was sparkly.
all of it.
Nothing like some sparkly poop to make your day! :O
Ooh, sparkly! I'd like to see someone hang one of those off a gold chain. ;)
I'm a regal pooper, myself...
Regal poop! Ha! Confetti poop!
Lady, I scooped poop out of the tun thrice this week, but you made me laugh about poop.
I bow down to you.
Bossy doesn't poop confetti, but her Great Dane poops Sparkles - does that count?
oh mi.........speechless again.
So, we both posted today about poop.
But yours was so much more...celebratory. Where as mine, was much more...destructive.
I can't shake the image of that Mr. Fanetti, or the image of the poop-turned-confetti...
Nor can I stop laughing...!
*sigh*
oh boy.....
In the reading of this piece, I snorted in such a manner that awoke my sleeping boytoy/fiance.
He shot forward from his piece of the couch and screamed "For the love of SHUT UP!!!!"
Which, in turn, made me laugh so hard I almost fanetti'd myself.
I just want to know what, in his young mind, confetti poop looks like. Or maybe I should just pass on that visual...
Kids...what a hoot, huh?
That is funny-ass funny.
So so funny. When he is a big grown up boy let him watch the Fisher King with Robin Williams. I remember a poop description that I think he will appreciate.
I totally thought of confetti first. Goes to show your mind is much more mature than mine. Ha ha! That Fun Eddie pic is hilarious! This whole post was hilarious in fact. How do you do it? No, not the doo doo.
I totally thought he meant spaghetti poop. Mr. Fanetti's spaghetti . . . ick!
And btw, when are moms able to go to the bathroom without visitors? I am still waiting.
Carrie
Every time I come over here.... it's about poop.
Pooping on the table, Italian poop... It's hilarious.
I have my Ranger uniform now.
Anyways - happy pooping.
You are hysterical. I love how you added extra "flair" to the story by pics...
hilarious! I loved it.
wow...your poop is WAY fancier than mine!
Note to self: Do not read this blog with a mouth full of beer. Ow.
Oh, the Mayor...always good for a laugh, that one!
Mr Ed is kinda creepy!!
OMG, Where does he come up with stuff like that!!! He is a boy's boy for sure!
I get clapping when I go. I clap when my daughter actually goes in the toilet and not in her diaper, I do the happy dance. So now she does the same for me. How lucky am I?
My kids just love skipping around yelling "POOP!" Poop is regular conversation in the back of the car too. I think I have more to discuss now, thank you.
Hilarious! Poop must be in the air (figuratively speaking, I hope), because I just posted about it too. I've never used the term confetti poop - but I have heard of rabbit poop. Similar, perhaps? ;)
Well, who doesn't need a ticker tape parade in the bathroom. Just toss a little corn around and...presto!
Now you've inspired me to write my own post about poo. Don't you feel proud?
Oh I love it! You have such a way with even those words! :)
Have a great week!
Monica
*snort*
Just when I thought all the poop posts had been written...
Too funny! Bling Bling Poop...
There wouldn't be any connection between fanetti and Funfetti (the Pillsbury cake mix with the colored sprinkles in it), would there? That was the first thing that came to mind. After I picked myself up off the floor laughing. Hilarious post!
I just bought our first potty. Is this what I have to look forward to??
The pgrase "Fanetti poop" somehow brings to mind a poop standing proudly in a Mozart-era court, clad in knee britches and a powdered wig.
This is what goes on inside my head.
Please send help.
80 comments? What? Are you Dooce or something?
AnyWHO, WHAT is it about kids and doors and privacy?
I believe every mom deserves privacy when exercising her smooth muscles...
Don't you!??
I mean , come ON!!
82 comments about Dana. That's gotta be some kind of record.
"Despite The Strategic Plan I have no privacy in the bathroom.
I am routinely asked to answer questions like, "Mom, are you making poop?"
This is why my dead body will never be left to rot.
OK, I think you just out-funnied your funny self.
But you failed to answer the question? Which one was it?
Horns blowing!
Oh you must stop with the funny. People are giving me dirty looks at work because I'm here giggling in my cube!
"I strained myself thinking..."
Now, that was funny, right there...
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