Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Hooded Sea Creature

Sometimes when my mom’s group meets we talk about serious things, but last week we talked about what to call the vagina.

It took about three minutes to unanimously agree that we all would teach our girls to call it…

Vagina.


So radical, I know.

Yeah, yeah, so technically the “vagina” is just one part of the whole package, but the reality is that most other American girls are going to be calling it “my vagina” and none of us want to make our child the one weirdo calling it something else.

Maybe it’s wrong to want your child to feel normal and to fit in? I don’t know.

We talked about the 100,000 blog posts on this topic (I think my favorite is “My Other Butt is a Volvo”) and then we devolved completely into sharing our favorite nicknames for the punani.

One woman, (the same one with the excellent post-partum lube advice) told us that she grew up calling hers “Puita” (pronounced poo-wee-ta.)

“My Puita!”

Kind of sweet, no?

It sounds like a name for a furry little pet.

Captain Kirk fondled many Puitas...
tribbles

It wasn't until I got home that I remembered that I too once had a pet name for a part of my own package.

I had totally forgotten that I played Doctor with the little girl that lived next door and we discovered a hooded sea creature that we called...

The Walrus.



Celebrate your walrus!


March ROFL Award

90 comments:

Sayre said...

I... don't think I called it anything! Never really occured to me, being surrounded by boys as I was. We were too busy making up names for THEIR equipment.

g-man said...

The little man in the boat was a term I had heard in grade school, but hadn't seen my first one until much later. I'm glad I knew it was there so I I didn't get freaked out and start screaming OH. MY. GOD! WhAT is that!?!? And you know, embarrass myself.

Veronica Mitchell said...

My mom is a nurse. We called our labia "labia." It did not matter that no one else knew what we were talking about. That's the way Mom is.

allrileyedup said...

I shall never listen to "I Am The Walrus" in the same way ever again.

BethGo said...

Me neither.

Tabba said...

OH.Dear.Lord. woman.

Just for the record...I call mine....

yeeha.

Not like My Yeeehaaaww.

Yeeha.

I'm a freak.

King Isepik said...

I don't have one so I can't celebrate it but so much. Besides, I'd need to enjoy it more often to celebrate it. :) *runs from the queen*

Jenifer said...

We don't have names really, just privates and bum. That is how we have always referred to the nether regions.

I knew I needed to start using proper terminology when we were changing several kids at my best friends house and my eldest asked why her friend had a tail.

Soooo we are starting to slowing introduce the correct names for the various anatomy.

As a kid I don't remember my mother teaching me or even saying anything at all about it all until I was much older. Maybe why it doesn't exactly role off my tongue now.

Hope the Rooster is feeling better too.

Jenifer said...

Just read the earlier post, and the Mayor (for the feeling better) part.
;)

Liam's Mom - Gina said...

You never faily to make me laugh. Your style is just too much! I love it!

"Captain Kirk fondled many Puitas..."

HAHAHAHA!

Erin said...

I have a friend who calls it her Good Stuff.

Jsut a thought...

Mel said...

LMAO!!! Celebrate it, indeed.
God, you kill me.

QT said...

Too F'n funny! My grandma (who did not speak english) used to call it la cuestión (the issue), and I always used picture this big question mark.

BlondeMom said...

The thing about your blog is I never know what I will find here.

The Captain Kirk photo...priceless.

Karly said...

Do you have any idea how many men you turned on with the thought of you playing doctor with your little friend? Geeze.

Emma calls hers a 'gina. And she LOVES to point to it and scream GINA regardless of where we are and who we are with.

Also, if I fart? She says I have a stinky gina. And that just hurts my feelings.

Adventures in Baby Fat said...

We call it twinkle of vagina. Though a bunch of people recently told me that we all call it wrong. We should say vulva since the vagina is actually inside/vulva outside.

Whatever. Twinkle or Vagina works in our house.

Kyla said...

Oh my!! You slay me every time, OTJ! You are one funny lady.

Lotta said...

I think. I might be falling in love with you.

amyerj said...

I'm all for the proper names, that's what I taught Jo.

But, personally, have always kinda liked snatch.

Sounds like something everyone wants.

urban-urchin said...

Captain Kirk pictures always make me laugh.

I was taught to call it my vagina. I usually call it the business end or my girl parts. My daughter calls it her coochie.

flutter said...

*snort*

I have only one phrase for you

"Ham Sandwich"

Alpha DogMa said...

g-man doesn't "little man in the boat" refer to the uvula?
Or do some people use to for the vulva?
Uvula vs. Vulva - which one? Depending on your predlictions this could be a pointless debate, don't you think?

OTJ from the bottom of my Trekkie soul - thanks for the Kirk photo. Gave me a tingle in my vulva. And my uvula. I'm kinky that way.

Mamma said...

Yeah, mom was a nurse. Vagina, breasts, uterus. What was it called in Gross Anatomy? That's what we called it at home. It did give me the ability to talk about my body without giggling though...so that worked out.

julia said...

Damn you, woman, stop posting links to other (hysterically funny) blogs. My blog roll is getting out of control. I'm gonna have to weed soon.

thirdtimelucky said...

My mum was a nurse too but we called it the "front bottom" hilarious now but seemed totally ok growing up.

DV said...

my friend refers to it as her vay-jay-jay.

I've always liked 'lady parts'

Stepping Over the Junk said...

I know a woman who called it "shredded corn beef" and all I could think was "WHAT THE HELL DOES YOURS LOOK LIKE?" ick. And I know a kid that calls it her "puss-kit". And I keep thinking "what were their parents thinking?" And I taught my kids "Vagina", which translated to "China" for them and then my 6 year old was mortified when her Kindergarten class was going to study China...and then I needed to explain more.

Nancy said...

LMAO, too funny this early in the morning! I hope the all in the House of Joys is feeling better today =)

karrie said...

Walrus made me giggle...gookgoogkachoo

I think using accurate terms is important, if only for the reason that should someone harm our kids, they need to be able to explain what actually happened. Not say things like my walrus ate a banana! :)

Jennifer said...

Holy Geez...this is too damn funny! Walrus...never look at the animal or hear the song in the same way.

I like the teaching actual names for our body parts, although VAGINA is the ugliest word. Why can't it be something "pretty" like Tulip (get it TWO LIP, ha ha)...sorry, I made myself laugh.

WILLIAM said...

If Vaginas had tusks, I think there would be a lot less people in the world. I know I would be afraid to stick anything there.

slouching mom said...

(gasping for air)

the tribbles (sp.?)! captain kirk! who (dare i say) used to be pretty cute if one could ignore his 40 layers of makeup...

perhaps the Beatles had your walrus in mind when they wrote that song -- listen to the freakin' crazy-ass lyrics! It could be! Just saying.

slouching mom said...

(gasping for air)

the tribbles (sp.?)! captain kirk! who (dare i say) used to be pretty cute if one could ignore his 40 layers of makeup...

perhaps the Beatles had your walrus in mind when they wrote that song -- listen to the freakin' crazy-ass lyrics! It could be! Just saying.

Mrs. Chicken said...

choking with laughter after a night on the nursery floor!

we call it "the area." because we are a-holes.

you rock my world, jess.

cinnamon gurl said...

That's hilarious! Persumably yours didn't have tusks?

Mad Hatter also did a post along these lines back in September I think... it was the first post I ever read by her, in fact.

My mom was a nurse; we called it a vagina. But I often got it confused with Regina. That was bad enough just dealing with the city in Saskatchewan, but then my parents got a foster child in Africa whose name was Regina. I thought that was a strange thing to name your child.

Bon said...

my god, i learn so much from the interwebs! that naughty Cap'n Kirk.

i grew up totally in the dark about the fact that other people used exciting words for their genitalia, since my family was painfully clinical on the subject. already, my mother's trying to start in on O, saying things like "oh, did you have a bowel movement, dear? are your testes squished in your diaper?" lord above. i think i missed out, because i've had an anti-casualness imposed on me. i could no more say coochie or hooha in reference to myself than i could spontaneously combust at will.

but oh, how i'd love to make passing reference to my puita!

see, i'm alone in the living room, and blushing furiously.

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

I love my walrus. It has served me well.

I call it chachki though. My MIL calls it her fafalina and I like that one too.

I know. I just realized. I talk about vagina with my MIL. Sick and twisted.

Nicole said...

My husband's nickname is The Walrus (a la the Beatles).

He has "Walrus 1" on his license plate.

Thanks to you, I will now laugh a lot more every day.

Life As I Know It said...

Great post!

My boys are well educated in their boy parts, but haven't asked about girl parts yet...can't wait for that day ;)

Velma said...

After growing up calling it a "deedalo," with all the typical mortifying "WTF is a deedalo?" experiences, we decided to stick with the basics.

"Vagina," "penis," and when using the plural, "privates."

Boring, I know, but I'm more comfortable being being matter-of-fact (Yawn, vagina, no big deal) than coy with my kids.

mamatulip said...

I tell Julia to call it her vagina too. I know it's not the "technical" term but it's about as technical as I'm getting with an almost four year old.

Mimi said...

teehee! We just refer to the whole area as 'girl parts' or 'good bits'. I guess it's time to get clinical ...

ali said...

we call it a vagina. simple as that.
(although am stronly considering a switch to the walrus...)

Mona said...

I vote for "cash and prizes" but that's because I really like Deal or No Deal.

NotSoSage said...

Hmmm...we're yoni people, for the time being, but I'm in favour of letting her know absolutely every possible term for it, in the hopes that nobody ever tricks her into asking to see her...WALRUS? Seriously. Does yours have tusks?

Googoogajoob.

I hope you're feeling better.

Kendra said...

Right on!! Being a nurse I have no problem saying vagina, labia, clitoris or penis. Not even scrotum scares me! :)

Lawyer Mama said...

The Walrus! I love it! It makes me think of the Beetles song. And, wow, it gives that song a whole new meaning!

christel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
christel said...

My 3 sisters and I referred to the special areas as "front bottom" and "back bottom". My husband is mortally opposed to using those terms w/ our girls... he says he will not call it a Front Butt. So, now, just to piss him off, I call his special area his "front butt"

Mad Hatter said...

Walrus = tusks

How did you manage to have two kids?

RubyLou said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
DraMa said...

You know, I saw the title of the post and immediately thought "VAGINA!" Why? Well, because the word "hooded" always makes me think of vagina. Gah. So, when I began reading your post wondering what your title ACTUALLY meant you can imagine the vindication I felt when I realized my instincts were in fact, dead on. You were talking about vaginas!! I'm not a freak after all:)

For the record.. mine is a cookie, or the punani, or the den of love... whatever I feel like calling it. It changes daily:)

The Queen Mama said...

You totally reminded me of the time when my brother-in-law once meant to say "Volvo" and instead said "vulva."

Hoo-larious. Man, was his face red.

The other me said...

We always called it a Tuppence. WHY??? My son ( aged 3, one of 5 boys ) told me that I don't have a penis, I only have a mane. He likes Lions, what can I say?

Abbynormal said...

I call it chotch. When I was really little we always thought it was "bagina". I'm going with gine. I like gine. It works. I think fitting in is a wonderful thing.

elementaryhistoryteacher said...

We settled for a nee-naw when dear daughter was little....I don't really remember why. My mom never called it anything. It was like it didn't exist.

Don't forget the Ga. Carnival. Posts are due tomorrow.:)

Rebecca said...

My mother's nickname for it was Kiki ? i think about 7 or 8 I knew the real term but we still just called it by the nickname.
My mom recalls the first time I ever met someone named Kiki.... let's just say wide eyed suprise.
I still giggle inside a little everytime I meet someone named Kiki.

The Sour Kraut said...

I never had a name for it. I refer to the boys' area as their privates. The younger one mistakenly called it his privacy. I thought that was cute so now we all call it our privacy.

d. chedwick bryant said...

My mother always referred to the private area (which we knew was the vagina, never any nicknames) I was in middle school when a tall dorky girl with a unibrow referred to her vagina...calling it her "Woolybooger" I was appalled.
But then another girl chimed in that her mother called it a "Doofunny" and that just freaked me out. I left the Lav in shock and stayed in shock all day... imagine having to call that nice private area by one of those bizarre names!
thankfully these aren't real-life words, but I have never been able to erase them from my mind.

dragonfly183 said...

I always referred to it as you know, that thing down there.

Aliki2006 said...

You know, I really really want to be radical and cool and hip and refer to that other part as 'vagina" with my daughter but I just can't. I'm so sorry--I just have the hardest time. I have referred to it as such, but often fall back on the reliable misnomer of "pee-pee place."

Ugh. I'm an awful mother, I know it.

jess said...

My mom believed in proper labeling, thus the family story of The Time When Jessica Shouted "Mom, I have Pee Pee in My Vagina!" in a Restaurant And Almost Gave Her Grandfather a Heart Attack.

What can I say, when a girl's gotta go, a girl's gotta go. they should have taken me to the bathroom the first time I asked, before I had to resort to extreme measures.

deb said...

I remember reading one of your posts in which you referred to it as your yippee yahoo region which I quite like. Have started using it with my patients and it always makes them smile.

Natalie said...

I called it a vulva. I was a pretty technical kid.

jen said...

dude, i have no idea how you do this, but you do.

we're going with vagina too. keep it simple, in my opinion.

Nikki said...

Hope you're feeling better today...and walrus? Dude.LOL

venessa said...

We wondered what we would do too, but A is prone to horrid yeast infections. So we talk about her vagina. A lot. *sigh*

Chaos Control said...

... and celebrate it, I do!

Reading this post made me laugh about it in a way I've not laughed since I saw The Vagina Monolgues in San Francisco years ago!

You continue to kill me!

Sayre said...

By the way, I LOVE the expression on Kirk's face!

The Queen of Shake-Shake said...

LMAO! That is so hilarious!

Growing up, I called mine a newt newt.

BOSSY said...

Bossy had a British neighbor who had a rather buttoned-down childhood. Her learned phrase for the vagina? The Front Bottom. Now that's repressed!

Mrs. Schmitty said...

I hate to admit this...but my daughter calls hers "Hootchie". I have a neighbor and her girls call it a "Pee-She", which I think is really quite cute.

Cece said...

You know I've got no problem with the "C" word but I'll be damn if the word Snatch bugs the shit out of me! Ewww... That just sounds dirty. lol

Queen of the Mayhem said...

Around the Mayhem, we refer to that as the "business".

Therefore, get out of my business takes on an entirely new meaning!

metalia said...

My absolute favorite will ALWAYS be Notorious V.A.G., but this is now a very close second.

Chrissy said...

You never cease to make me laugh! I love it here!
I call it downtown.

Momish said...

My strange family referred to the privates as your biddabiddageek. Have no clue what that means, where it came from and why it was chosen.

Jenny said...

Vageena. All the way.

Walrus is a good second choice though.

Koo-koo-kathchoo.

QueenieBadd said...

I had a friend who used to like to call it my "Judy" (he didn't have one, and no, he wasn't interested in mine either). I always liked that. Very modern and sassy.

Megan said...

3 comments:
-Have you read/seen the Vagina monologues? There's one monologue about names. Hil-ar-ious.
-Also: my parents taught me to call it my "vulva" and yes, I was the weird kid.
-Finally, I learned that Oprah calls hers the vjayjay and for some reason my hubby and I enjoyed that name and we therefore refer to mine also as v-jayjay. I think she would be proud!

Jennifer said...

We're boring here. Vagina and penis. Ho-hum. But our very close friends with 2 boys call their parts "Mr. Winkie." When our friends babysat our kids, our daughter fell and hurt herself "down there". She was crying that her "bagina" hurt and the two boys had NO idea what she was talking about. They ended up saying, "We think she hurt her MRS. Winkie." ;)

PunditMom said...

I just wish I had your sense of humor!

I hope to meet you at BlogHer! :)

Kristin said...

Man, I am so boring... vagina... that's all I've got.

Burg said...

This made me snort! I just call it a hoo-hoo if I have to talk about it at all.

Kristi said...

Cooch works well for us.

Shannon said...

Hmmm. I wonder if the creator of the tribbles (with Captain Kirk) was thinking the same thing.

JR's Thumbprints said...

This is further proof that when women get together and talk, it scares me. I'd have to leave the room during this discussion.

Groovy Lady said...

I'm trying to get my 6 yr old to use proper names for body parts but she insists on calling her vagina her tootie. That's fine for now but we wish she didn't name all of her dolls Tootie as well.

It really disturbs my sons when they have to tell her to get Tootie out of their room or when she asks them where Tootie is. :D

MommyWithAttitude said...

Too funny. I think vagina is fine. I've always been a fan of cha cha, but only because this is the first I've learned of punani. That might be my new favorite.

I have boys, so we don't talk about the punani here. Occasionally we ponder my lack of a penis, however.

Emily Snipes said...

Well I don't have a name for my female-ness. Except for that time of the month when it bleeds & say "Son of a bitch!"

However, I knicknamed my husband's male member - "Joe" - no reason, just did.

Congrats on the award. This was a good laugh!!!!