Friday, February 09, 2007

I'll Fly Away

I am home now and by myself.

Both children are at daycare and K is at work.

During our morning hugs and kisses goodbye, The Mayor pulled away from me and said,

“I’m sad that Ady is gone.”
I told him I was sad too and that I was going to miss him.

The last few days have been a whirlwind.

It is easier to feel buoyed up when you are surrounded by family and so much easier to feel sad when you are alone.

Still…

At the grave side when the pastor was saying his final words, there was a hawk flying in circles overhead.

I am comforted by the thought of the bird.

Slowly over time, my grandfather became too weak to do the things he loved.

One by one, his hobbies and interests had to be given up – wood working, golf, gardening, travel.

When I saw the hawk, all I could think about was the life force of my grandfather riding the same wind, rifling through the bird's wings and soaring, soaring up.

hawk_in_flight

21 comments:

The Sour Kraut said...

We're thinking about you.

canape said...

That is a beautiful image.

Welcome back. You have been in our thoughts and prayers.

Long Island Dad said...

Fly old Hawk... Fly!

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

I always take comfort in knowing that their spirit is free to do the things that their body held them from...

I am thinking of you...and deeply saddened by your loss.

Delton said...

Seems like an appropriate time to leave a comment. I've been lurking here for a while now...

Cool way to think about the hawk. Best wishes to you and your family as you deal with this.

Bob said...

I'm sure he's patiently waiting for you to (eventually) join him so you can resume your walks together.

Kevin Charnas said...

I DO love you...

And you're so right, Jessica...I firmly believe that if we truly knew what comes next, we would be in awe and humbled beyond expression. How could we not? To be a part of air and wind and light...the very fabric of the universe.

(((((((((((Jessica))))))))))))

Sayre said...

How beautiful.

QT said...

I agree - he is free of the constraints and suffering of this physcial world - how wonderful for him, even though it is hard for us.

Hugs to you, my friend.

carrie said...

You are right. So right.

Carrie

whymommy said...

Beautiful imagery.

Hard times. Kudos to you for writing about it and sharing your memories of Ady with all of us. He sounds like a wonderful grandfather, and you were all so lucky to know him....

The Medium Swede said...

That is a beautiful thought. When my father passed, I remember being outside our home and seeing a cardinal. I remember it tried to poop on my head and I KNEW IT WAS MY DAD!

Lotta said...

I do believe in spirit guides and think that without a doubt that Eagle was your grandfather. Take care.

Paige said...

I remember when my grandmother passed, I saw a butterfly and experienced the same emotions you express here.

Hang in there, J. And call me if you need anything. I mean it.

Heather said...

This is absolutely beautiful. Of course he's up there... flying for all he's worth and looking down on you and yours.

mad muthas said...

so sorry about your grandpa - nothing prepares us for these losses. thinking about you lots. x

urban-urchin said...

I'm so sorry for your loss.

King Isepik said...

I hope this song helps. The lyics don't do it justice, but it's what came to mind when I read about the hawk. Again, I hope it helps.

Fly Away - Poe

It makes sense that it should happen this way
That the sky should break, and the earth should shake
As if to say: Sure it all matters but in such an
unimportant way
As if to say:

Fly away, sweet bird of prey
Fly fly away
Nothing can stand in your way
Sweet bird, if you knew the words
I know you'd say: fly, fly away

It makes sense that it should hurt in this way
That my heart should break, and my hands should shake
As if to say: Sure it don't matter except in the most
important way
As if to say:

Fly away, sweet bird of prey
Fly fly away
I won't stand in your way
Sweet bird, if you knew the words
I know that you'd say: fly, fly away

It makes sense that it should feel just this way
That you slowly fade and yet still remain
As if to say: Everything matter in such an invisible way
As if to say: It's O.K.
Fly...away

Alpha DogMa said...

Jess, I hope that you are coping. I loved that letter to your grandpa. It was wonderful.
Your grandpa sounds like an amazing man, and you sound like an amazing person, too. To pass away after a long happy life surrounded by family and people who love you, and with your dignity intact - that is really the best way.
Take care of yourself and the lil' Joys too.
ADM

BlondeMom said...

That is really beautiful my dear. Thanks for sharing the story of your beloved Ady.

Mad Hatter said...

Jessica,
I have been deeply moved reading these last few posts. I don't know how long you've been reading my blog--you might know that there has been a lot of death in my family. Nothing takes away the sting but time and when it does you mourn the loss of the sting itself. Keep him fresh in your mind. He seemed a wonderful man.