Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Parade of the Brazilian Dental Floss

I'm not the greatest laundress.

I'm the kind of domestic under achiever who believes that an item of clothing must be able to survive unscathed through a cold wash cycle with other items of any and all colors in order to qualify as WORTHY of this family.

Consequently, everyone at House of Joy has a lot of pink clothes.

I'm not so good at the folding either.

I would describe my folding technique as "neatly balling."

I'm willing to declare total personal defeat by the Fitted Sheet Army. If the life of a family member depended on me properly folding a fitted sheet they would be long dead by now.

The clean laundry basket is routinely filled with inappropriate relationships.

Dinner napkins become attached to bib velcro.

Socks hide in pant legs...

Sometimes when I get dressed I fail to notice that an item of clothing is hiding in my pants.

Which is why, one day at the office, a male co-worker walking behind me (and a HUGE HERD of other co-workers) said, "Hey Jessica, you dropped something."

I turned to look.

The herd of other co-workers all turned to look.

He bent down, picked up what I had dropped and extended his hand out to me.

Only then did he actually look at the item.

And then he screamed.

He made sort of an "AGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" sound and his face twisted in horror.

A pair of black lace panties dangled from his finger tips.

He held them for a few seconds before releasing them and letting them fall back down to the floor.

So... do the panties need washing again or are they technically still clean?


lidiax400
Holly Smith Pedlosky

43 comments:

karrie said...

10 second rule applies here.

My clean laundry languishes infolded in baskets for weeks. We usually just grab new clothes from the baskets.

Off-topic:Is there a link about your extended travels up around here? I'm totally curious and browsing a travel journal would beat housework later on, hands down.

Sayre said...

Um... I guess it depends on how you feel about co-worker's fingers on your black lacies. I think I'd wash them again just for the hell of it (it wasn't "DICK" was it?).

On another note, why is that old lady hanging my underwear up for all to see?????

Nikki said...

LMAO

Oh, that is to rich. Makes me feel better that when I put on my jeans the other day .... there was a sock in there and I didn't notice until I sat down on a lump.

S. said...

Too funny! J has found my dress socks "hiding" inside his dress pants while at work.

Fran said...

Please tell me it was Jesse...or Gary T...or...

Fran.

NtycnBoricua said...

Hmmm...they need washing again. I'm with karrie - my laundry tends to sit in baskets for a while before we finally fold it. Sad isn't it?

http://ntycnboricua.blogspot.com

Z Y E D said...

they need to be washed again because he touched'em :D
i used to have pink underware because of my laundry skills :p

Nat a.k.a Marmite Breath said...

I knew I loved you. A woman who will admit that she is a laundry sloth is a true woman.

I am too, by the way. Hate it.

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

I would only wash them because your coworkers paws were on them...The floor...Wouldn't bother me.

And by the way...pink clothes on men are sexy.

jen said...

totally still clean. you are hilarious...and kinda hot, in a black lace wearing, no domestic skills sort of way.

Karen Forest said...

Too funny!

I think he was totally pretending to be revolted when in all actuallity he wanted to scoop them up, shove them in his pockets and do an about face and run home with them.

I am sure that the "herd" of coworkers behind him are the only reason you still have these panties today. :)

Tabba said...

Nice...glad I'm not the only one ;)

The Sour Kraut said...

It could've been worse, you could have done what my next-door neighbor did. She was pregnant and accidentally tucked her skirt into the back of her underwear. Then she headed to the CROWDED cafeteria at a very large corporation. While in the line for food, a very kind gentleman co-worked told her about her problem.

Christina_the_wench said...

He was just jealous is all.

Grim Reality Girl said...

You have made me grateful. Thank you. Had this happened to ME at work it would be my brother holding my panties. I think I just threw up in my mouth.....

wendy boucher said...

I vote neither clean nor dirty. They must be ceremoniously cremated in a metal trash bin. Those panties are bad actors, following you to work like that, trying to embarrass you. Sheesh. I never let my panties behave like that.

Mamma said...

I completely agree on the Fitted Sheet Army!

My mom? Perfectly square neat sheets to be piled in her perfectly organized linen closet.

I think it was either a career or domestic goddessness--couldn't do both. (And if I'm honest, it's probably a good thing I chose the career.)

Starrlight said...

Fitted sheets can be folded? I thought they were meant to be balled up and shoved in the back of the linen closet.

As for the panties I say it all depends on the amount of co worker cooties and your tolerence levels for them!

Lotta said...

It was mock horror on your coworkers part. He will be "thinking" of those panties later tonight. You can bet on it!

Rachel said...

Ha! I'm a terrible laundress myself.

Aunt Nancy said...

Were they yours?

kim said...

lmao you crack me up !!
AND
you made me feel much better about my tubs of laundry that everyone in our family digs thru when they want socks or towels or ... well everything :)

Lisa Goldstein/Kelly Kelly said...

you are so funny. I am totally with you in the can't do laundry department! It's like the mail, it just keeps coming. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACk.

Lisa

Diana said...

OMG if it was Dick, I would defenitely burn them!

Blog Antagonist said...

Well, it could have been worse...you could have had your skirt tucked into your pantyhose. Yep, did it. Nope, no underwear that day.

Still clean, unless Dick is known for unsavory personal habits.

mamatulip said...

Neatly balling? Man, you crack me UP!

I'd wash 'em, because I'm paranoid that way.

Bob said...

kinda depends on how you feel about "Dick". If he gives you the *shudders*, then washem. If he gives you the *shivers* - wearem and get a little thrill.

If neither, then the 10 second rule applies.

croutonboy said...

I hate doing laundry, too, so I'd skipping washing it just to skip washing it.

And at least a shudder is better than him putting it to his nose and inhaling deeply...

Heather said...

That is helarious! I say wash them, just to be safe! I am with croutonboy though, the latter would have been MUCH more upsetting! Your life is sounding more and more similar to mine! (Frighteningly!) I love your blog!
Once, on a date in college, I was rifling through my purse to find my cell phone, and a tampon fell out ONTO THE TABLE!!!! Needless to say, I don't recall a second date! I was just wondering, would it have been worse if they were a pair of granny panties? Just curious. My daughter makes that same terrified noise every time she has to fold mine from the laundry. That is why I make certain to have her do it each time. You know, keeps her honest! :)

PS: I got you beat........LA baby! ( Don't hold it against me!)

SJ said...

AAAAH, bib velcro! It always finds my bras. Boo!

KC said...

So clean.

I love his reaction. Ha!

urban-urchin said...

I say clean because it's one less pair to wash. Too funny....

Mel said...

Dirty. Dirty dirty dirty. Because I was conditioned by my dirt-phobe mother, and so the first thing I thought was, "Somebody stepped in crap and walked on that floor, somebody tracked gum and filth on that floor, oh god, keep it AWAY from your ladyparts."

Waya said...

At least you don't have an iron mark on the back of your shirt from burning it.

We too have a lot of pink clothes around here too. No separating of colors or whites is required, everything goes in the cold cycle.

Paige said...

Clean, clean, clean.

Right?

I mean, that's what I think they'd be, based on my laundering/domestic goddess rules which seem similar to yours.

Stephanie A. said...

Your co-worker touched your lace panties?? hahahahaha!!!! That is hilarious!

Oh, and we must be laundry kindred spirits! I'm so not great at folding and luckily nobody's life depends on it!

carmachu said...

When you wear your panties on the outside, instead of the inside, you cant complain when someone touches them....

And yes their still clean.

Mrs. T said...

Clean, clean, clean. Do NOT wash them again.
My own laundry sloth confession: we slept for 2 nights in a row on our bed without sheets because I had taken them off to wash them and was too tired to put on a clean set.

Pink Lemonade Diva said...

hysterical.

Merry Mama said...

I have no idea, but could I please borrow that woman's boobs?

Amy said...

Found you through Miller Mayhem. I just had to chime in and say I have almost the EXACT same most embarassing moment.

Mine happened in college, when I woke up late for work and threw on the jeans I had worn out the night before. Unfortunately, the pair of BLACK LACY PANTIES I had worn out the night before were caught up in the leg of the pants and worked their way out in the hallway at work. I still get flushed when I think about that.

allrileyedup said...

Big fan of throwing all the clothes in and letting them fend for themselves.

I think anyone who can properly fold fitted sheets have made a deal with the devil, and I clearly want no part of that.

And the panties are totally still clean.

edj said...

Who has time to separate colours from whites? Only the Very Obsessive & Sick. In our house, even those silly "dry clean only" tags don't even slow me down in my attempt to stay current with the laundry. (BTW, did you know that most drycleanonly stuff works fine in the machine?)
But I'd prob wash the panties again. At least, I'd stick them in the bathroom to rinse out and months later I might manage to do so.