Thursday, November 02, 2006

Why I Should Stick with Pat the Bunny

The Mayor and Rooster Girl are still very young so K and I don't worry much about changing clothes or getting dressed in front of them.

With House of Joy's Mayoral No Privacy Ordinance of 2006 in full effect it wouldn't even be worth trying to keep the horror of my nudity from their view.

This morning I was putting on a bra when The Mayor asked, "Mommy, why do you wear a bra?"

"To hold up my boobies," I said.

(Heh. I said boobies.)

He thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to touch it."


[blink. blink.]

I wondered how to respond.

Thinking it over, I decided that he must want to simply feel the bra fabric which was kind of shiny. I figured that could be accomplished innocently enough so I said okay.

[foreshadowing of doom]

I knelt down beside him and he immediately hurled both of his arms backwards preparing to SLAP the holy living crap out of my two girlfriends.

STOP!

"Mayor! No! You can't hit my boobies. You have to be gentle with boobies. You gently pat boobies."

[pause]

Clearly I am the type of person who believes it is best to lead by example because there I was kneeling beside my son gently patting my own breasts.

Pat, pat, pat. Pat the boobies.

Oh, the joys. Yesiree.

floral

29 comments:

Sarah said...

at our church's cradle roll class (for little babies) there is a song about patting the Bible, I guess so you learn not to smack it around. Maybe they should add a second verse. :)

squire said...

I loved this story. Moms are the best.

Mamma said...

Living under the same no privacy order in our house, Tuesday morning I had to explain the purpose of a tampon and why mommies bleed each month (a little scary start to our Halloween).

And those silly schools wait until 5th grade to teach "family life education." My kids will probably be teaching the class!

Waya said...

OMG! That was too funny! Your Mayor is more advance than my 6 y/o in knowing a "bra". I still haven't told him that yet. I can see it now at school recess, "my mommy wears a bro" or something like that.

Christina_the_wench said...

Just imagine what he will be doing with boobies later in life, mom.

bawhahahaha *snort*

Marcie said...

That story is hilarious! We've got lots of boobie talk in this house too. In fact that's what Ruby yells out when we pass the bra section at Target...."BOOBIES!".

Mama G said...

So funny!

My little guy has started "copping a feel" via a little squeeze - just copying what he sees his daddy do. Oh, the joys!

Domestic Goddess said...

the things we have to teach our children.

My daughters now refer to their girls as "juicy juicy mangoes" (from Bend it Like Beckham)

Momish said...

That was hysterical! I have this vision in my head of teaching my daughter "nice kitty, nice kitty" and can only imagine how your scene went!! LOL!

bubandpie said...

Oh, that's a funny one. What is it that makes children want to SLAP our breasts? Very worrying...

S. said...

So this is what I have to look forward to! LOL
Thanks for leading the way. :)

slackermommy said...

You crack me up! My son calls mine "the two milks". Luckily he hasn't asked to touch them or drink them.

Stephanie T. said...

LOL, oh yes, my kids (girl 6, boy 3) are both fascinated with my boobs and bras every once in a while ask to touch them. I feel weird letting them, but, eh, they both nursed on them for the first year and a half of their life, so I figure a little touch now and again won't scar them for life.

blog_antagonist said...

Chuckle. That was a hilarious story. Yes, parenting boys is erm...interesting, isn't it?

Karana said...

LOL. This reminds me of a story my Mom told me about my younger brother the year the 'no privacy act' had to come to an end. It all started when his curious little mind wanted to know why she had hair all over her bottom.

Yes, yes, indeed. Oh the joys!

Bob said...

For some reason, this got me thinking about that Seinfeld episode where George's father together with Kramer invents a bra for men, and they can't stop arguing about whether to call it "The Bro" or "The Manzier". This is why men are better off "amusing" ourselves with a woman's breats, instead of our own.

carmachu said...

Sarah is still in that phase with my wife, touching teh mrs boobies....

But you should ask me sometime of the embassessing thing she does with me....

wordgirl said...

Um...er...see how I don't leap back in horror? That's because I had boys, too, and the fascination with the boobs starts early. How to be casual and natural about "the girls" without being a perv mom, too? It's a thin line.

jen said...

aahhh. woman. hilarious. i think you did just fine.

julia said...

Oh my god. My sides hurt.

Heather said...

I, too, have had to have the booby talk with my son. My friend's little boy went to visit a friend. This little boy's mom called my friend in a panic. It seems the boys found Daddy's stash of Playboys. As you would imagine, my friend was VERY worried as to what effect this would have on her son (4). She tried to carefully broach the subject. He acted as though he had no idea of what she was speaking. However, later we caught him drawing what looked like McDonald's arches all over the driveway. When asked what he was drawing, he responded,"They're boobies! Aren't they funny? I think boobies are funny!"

Trish said...

That's so funny.
My five year old has become, once again, quite interested in the jugs.
He asked a few months ago what these things were there for (pointing as I bathed)
I said it holds the milk when a mommy has a baby.
So this week he comes home from school and says, while touching one pointed finger to the right boob, "Mom, I want you to give me milk from here."
I choked, gasped, dared not look at my husband, who had his mouth covered and his shoulders shaking.
I said, "I don't have any babies any more so I don't have any milk in there."
He says, "Oh, ok. I'll have the regular milk and some cookies then."
Simple as that.

Megan said...

Cade often lunges for my breasts (and those of his rather well-endowed daycare worker) I calmly remind him that 6 months ago he denied them, [read: stopped nursing of his own accord] and that was an irreversible decision.
As for the boulder-holders, Cade LOVES playing with the bra hanging to dry from the door handle!

Shannon said...

Oh boy, can I relate. I had to wean Maryn when I was pregnant with Conner and having some trouble. I have a friend who is still breastfeeding her 3 year old (Maryn's age) and I'm still feeding Conner. We call them the dibbys (long story) and she's now asked to try them a couple of times (once in the middle of an outdoor concert - talk about awkward!) and to pet them. She's also told me a number of times that she loves the dibby (which has made me quite glad of the nickname once or twice) and has given them a couple of hugs. Methinks the child may have been weaned too early, though frankly, the age of five might have been too early for her, too.

lildb said...

that's funny.

you're really funny.

(sorry. not a lotta sleep lately, and it's all I got. I mean, for the record, you *are* really effing funny. I may be a lot of things, but I'm not a liar. well, not about this, anyway.)

Loudlush said...

Hmmm... can't work out whether you son is going to make some woman very happy or very disturbed in twenty years' time...

Lotta said...

You know that's coming right back at ya in preschool when they read Pat The Bunny.

CrankMama said...

Oh... poor boobies.. They go through so much for the sake of the children...

In a vain effort to wean my daughter I keep telling her "Boob go night-night" and her objecting response involves trying to grab them and yell "NOOOOO!"

Penny said...

omg.. just when I didn't think I could laugh any Harder!!

ROFLMAO!!!