Friday, October 27, 2006

Shhhhhhhh!

Grandma Seattle's in the house! Woot!

As the parent of wee, tiny children I believe that there is almost nothing wrong with having a grandparent stay for the weekend.


The Richard Scary book called "Cars and Trucks and Things That Go" is new and novel
to Grandma Seattle.

To K and I, it is the eleventh circle of hell.


Go Grandma! Read On!


The only problem with Grandma's visit is that the guest bedroom (usually known as the office) shares a wall with the master bedroo
m.

That would be a
wafer thin wall.

Anything that happens in the master bedroom can be heard by a guest.


So if that guest happens to be your own mother, you have to be careful not to make any slappity, slap, slap [bow chicka bow wow] noises.


Shhhhhh.


You also have to bury your head in the sand when your husband comes to bed, stretches out his arm and says, "Pull my finger."


You say, "No way, man. I'm not falling for that!"


Despite the lack of finger pulling, he releases the loudest fart in human history and yells, "Schmoopy! How COULD you?" so that your mother thinks her daughter farts like a man.

[Which, in fact, I do.]

-SIGH-



[Pssst.... If you haven't visited Kevin Charnas and witnessed the continuing evolution of his Halloween costume, I encourage you to witness his absolute BOLDNESS here and here... and he says there's more coming! You GO Kevin!]

24 comments:

queenbadmama said...

Grandmas that visit YOU! We've never heard of this in the House of Bad!

wordgirl said...

I'm afraid that having my mother in the next room would simply kill my libido. Dead. Cold and Dead.

Momish said...

That is why we put my mother on the couch. Downstairs. We're mean.

Sandra Miller said...

LOL! and, well... LOL!!

Domestic Chicky said...

Sigh... I heart Kevin. I think we should get a blogging brigade together and go trick or treating at HIS house!

Christina_the_wench said...

Do I get royalties for that artist using my ass as a model?

jen said...

love it. and i admire that you've got the energy....

at least you can take her up on some good babysitting action, yes?

Pendullum said...

Ohhh...
We just encourage him so...
And Christina's comment had me laughing... as it is my ass that should get the royalties!!!

Christina_the_wench said...

Ignore Pend. She's confused. CLEARLY, the size and shape is mine. ;)

Diana said...

No slappity-slap-slap-slap noises? OH NO! How will you sleep??? LOL!

OneEar said...

I caught the reference to your husband's slappity, slap slap.

If you need somewhere to turn for protection, our organization has a beer-battered women's shelter that is open 7 hours a day, 24 days a week.

Blonde Vigilante said...

Man, you shoulda heard the ones I was rippin' last night. I woke the dead. Seriously. Just from one proud bottom buddha to another.

Sayre said...

As if you mother didn't know that you fart like a man... that was probably the first thing she noticed about you after counting your fingers and toes (ha ha ha!)

And I'm pretty sure she knows about slappity slap slap, or she wouldn't be a grandma... but I agree - not sure I'd want Mom listening in (or offering commentary).

Domestic Goddess said...

bam chick a boom bow wow
(a little music for your porno slaps)

Don't ya just love hubbies when they blame things on you.

Waya said...

I had to log out of your site TWICE after looking at Kevin's costumes, b/c I'm babysitting my neighbor's sons and he happened to walk by the laptop. Don't want him to tell his Mom I'm looking at some naked guy on line now do I?

And any woman who can fart like a man is a friend in my book. My hubbie calls me "duckie" b/c well, my rear can quack like a...duck. ;-)

Kevin Charnas said...

SCHMOOPY!! I actually think that you AND K are my heros. I may have said this before, but I'd like to just re-iterate.

And...how peculiar that you pick this post today and the sequence of photos that I posted today have to kind of do with the same thing. Coincidence? I think, no.

Trish said...

What a funny post!

In our family, we make the slappity noises just to torture each other when we visit each other's homes when nothing exciting is actually happening.

The farting is a given. We all fart obnoxious amounts, so much so that we have a timeshare on one small hole in the ozone.

P.S. I would rather sound like a man when I fart, instead of my Aunt V, whose farts actually sound as if her butt is trying to say something.

Marcie said...

So no hanky panky this weekend?
Oh well, it sounds like the farting is still alive and well.

carmachu said...

Yea for grandma! Grandma's are always a good thing, even if sex is toned down till she leaves.....

Girl In Her Underwear said...

HAAAAAAA! You always make me laugh. The slappity slap slap got me.

And thanks for changing my info, chickie! I hadn't even thought about that new problem. But I'm glad you like my girl in her underwear!

hautemama said...

Yes...but do you "shart"?

Mommy off the Record said...

Totally sounds like something my husband would do!

p.s. I think it's hilarious that one of your labels for this post is "butt and poo"

slackermommy said...

My kind of post! Farts and slappity slaps!

urban-urchin said...

I hear you about the no slappity slap slap. When I got pregnant the first time (after being married 6 months) one of the first things I thought was shit now my parents will know I have sex!