Friday, August 18, 2006

High Steppin'

Last night K brushed his teeth in the kitchen. He was left with no choice, really and he felt forced to issue a new household edict:

"Wife, thou shall not release MIGHTY WIND in the bathroom at the time I am scheduled to brush my teeth."

I wish him good luck with enforcing said edict. (Ppppfffffttttt.)

So I followed him into the kitchen (Ppppfffffttttt) and after he finished brushing, he looked around and said, "It's amazing what we've grown accustomed to... look at all this stuff. We don't even notice it now."

When we were newly pregnant with our first child we were one of THOSE couples who weren't going to be changed by the addition of children. We weren't going to talk endlessly about them, we vowed NEVER to utter the word "percentile" and we (the two completely ANAL Type A people that we are) weren't going to have a messy house.

Looking around the kitchen floor we noted the semi-giant, mission style children's play table with two matching chairs, TWO different child rocking chairs, a
toy phone, a miniature Delta airplane, a box of wipes, an evenflo bottle with three scoops of formula powder inside, various, mismatched pieces of tupperware and a scooter that should be named "My First RAVE Mobile" because it plays toddler electronica when you press the nose on it's face. Neither of us could estimate how long any of it had been there.

Surveying the scene K sighed and said, "Yeah, I make breakfast like this..." and he proceeded to HIGH STEP like a drum major in a marching band from
the oven, OVER various items, to the refridgerator and back. I was tempted to push the nose on "My First RAVE Mobile" so that he would be accompanied by a toddler electronica version of John Jacob Jingle Heimer Schmidt, but the bambinos were asleep.

I was recently out to lunch and noticed a group of co-workers treating a pregnant woman to lunch. I could not help eavesdropping overhearing the pregnant woman INSIST that her life would not be different. She talked specifically about how she would continue to take leisure trips with her husband (she claimed she'd drop the baby of
f at her mother's house) and how their sex life wouldn't be impacted in the least. (The sex life part is really priceless, no?)

I just had to chuckle to myself. You can't tell anybody anything, they just have to find out for themselves that soon they'll be standing in a kitchen full of toys and giant plastic crap high steppin' up, over and around it and doing jackhammer dance moves to tunes played by a push toy.


Baby's First RAVE Mobile by Fisher Price!

20 comments:

Sayre said...

That was US!!!! We were older when we had our baby, so of course we would just work it into our current lives. Yeah.

What we didn't realize was that EVERYTHING changes. Your fashionable clothing, your cute little car, your figure, your sex life, your decor, where you spend your money and on what. People who think that nothing will change are truly delusional.

Signed - grounded in the new reality!

Nikki said...

What? You mean there are people out there with a life?

I think you're fibbing.

liberalbanana said...

My life's not going to change when I have kids because I AIN'T HAVIN' NONE!

I don't understand how a woman could think that her liife isn't going to change when she has a baby. HELLO?? Is she smoking something? My life changes when I have PLANTS. I'm going on vacation next week and my neighbors have to water those little bastards.

Mel said...

HA! HA HA HA! I wish her the very best of luck with that.
I wish you could have stuck a tracking device on her just so you could update us on that crap she was spewing when her kid's about 6 months old.
HA!

Diana said...

Leisure trips? You should have passed her a napkin with "Dream On" written on it. There is no such thing as LEISURE after you have kids! Ever!
Do you still use your dinner table to eat? Mine is used for anything we don't want the kid to touch...we eat in the living room now on my couches that USED to be used for (haha) leisure.
Bad thing is, he's pretty tall now and can reach things that are close to the edge...hmmm. need a new spot!

Sayre said...

ha ha! Tallness has nothing to do with reach. When my son was a year old, we were putting stuff up on top of the two built-in bookcases on either side of the fireplace. I went out of the livingroom and into the kitchen for a glass of water. When I got back, I kid you not, he was ON TOP of the bookcases grabbing my Amelia Bearhart that I used to take with me when I flew small planes.

Lily said...

How can you have a person COME OUT OF YOUR BODY, and expect nothing to change?

Of course there are changes, and when they are little it's very different. I kind of lost myself back then. Caught up in all the almost constant needs of his.

As my kiddo gets older, I have been able to reclaim a lot of my own personhood.

Mama C said...

We have the same toy! It has been well loved by both our boys. However, I don't think either of them used it as a push toy, which I believe is its intended use. They mostly liked to just sit on it, or play basketball with the little basket on the front. Oh well, they both seem to walk pretty well, so I don't think it will affect them in the long run. Ours just plays annoying music, no fun tunes. I'm jealous!

carmachu said...

Wow, its my long lost sister.

Our house is the same way. There just is more of sarah's crap that anything else in teh house.

Its amazing what children accumulate over you.....

That pregnant woman is delusional....but however it gets them through the pregancy....better than dashing her dreams now. Better to let her find out on her own.

kim said...

its true , you cant tell anyone how it will be ...and its amazing hows things change !
i once was a clean freak...you couldnt set your glass down on the table for a mili-second or it was scooped up and in the dishwasher. i didnt believe in dust.

Now? bahahahahaha... i cant remember if theres tile or carpet under all the toys? and im pretty sure we have adult size glasses somewhere but im drinking out of a sippy cup ! without the lid of course :)

carmachu said...

Kim: you too? My favorite is the strawberry shortcake sippy cup(without lid)

Marcie said...

Wow! That woman is in for one hell of a shock. Her naivete and innocence seem almost quaint. Is it evil of me to picture, with glee, the moment she realizes her sex and vacation life has gone bye-bye and is never coming back?

Panda said...

Sex? After childbirth? No such thing. Which leaves me wondering where the second, third and fourth kids come from...

carmachu said...

Of thats easy panda. Its the quickie in the laundry room while the kids are distracted and you get all hot and bothered you forget about when you ovulated....

floosen said...

Hey, maybe she's old school...my parents left me with my grandmother when I was 6 weeks old and saw nothing wrong with it. (I think this is bizarre, btw, but aparently it was not uncommon with my parents' friends). That said, we left our wee one for the first solo vacation in 2 years last summer and I didn't feel an ounce of guilt about it. In fact, I can't wait until next summer to do it again (wha ha ha ha haaaaaa...) As for the sex life, what is up with the fact that it DOES change? It sucks.

Finally, if another person gives my kid another friggin' plastic toy that plays baby techo and refuses to die, I am going to scream. People, this is *not* funny. And paybacks are HELL (I hope my sisters are reading this).

floosen said...

P.S. Joys, I have always loved your reading recommendations (yes, I actually do know OTJ, personally, yep, personally! I'm cool!) and I am SO PSYCHED to see the Joy Reads section. Thanks for clueing us in to the site.

floosen said...

P.P.S.

I was chuckling about this post-baby post again today as I watched my 3 yr old potty-training-right-now son and his potty-training-right-now friend sitting on my why-did-I-buy-it? expensive couch. What was I thinking buying a new couch, chocolate brown, when I had a wee one, now 2 wee ones. Because I was still, a year after he was born, under the delusion that I was going to have some control in my life and that my darling son was not going to be the kind of kid to wipe snot across the entire seat of said object anytime he got within a foot of it. HA! Now, I am waiting for my beautiful couch to be christened with "MAMAIAMHAVINGANACCIDENTRIGHTNOW!!"

What happened? Where *did* my life go?

floosen said...

P.P.P.S

Actually, come to think of it, the snot never crossed my mind. How is that for delusional?

Dirty Butter said...

I well remember those days, and looked forward to our retirement when I could actually keep a clean house. Then we decided to get our first indoor cat, in an effort to keep my blood pressure down naturally.

Now there are all kinds of paper towel rolls, bottle caps, and boxes all over the place ... Fluffy's toys ... and we can't even look forward to teaching her how to pick them up herself!!

BV=1vote

Shannon said...

Ok - no idea how I got here but just put you on my favorites list with a lot of plus signs after (because, being somewhat new to the whole blogosphere thing, I keep adding more and more people to favorites and can't remember later who the really really funny ones were). What a scream - each post I read was funnier than the last. Thank you, thank you, thank you....