Richard Dawson, The Queen and Other Nobility

Today we find our heroine rather grumpily eating celery with salsa.

It is important to note that she is not eating CHIPS and salsa.

(EXPLETIVE!!!)

She tries to convince herself that there is something vaguely Bloody Mary-ish about celery and salsa.

When that fails, she tries telling herself that it's delicious, like Gazpacho.

Our poor, poor heroine.

What has brought her to such a low, low place?

It all started at breakfast yesterday when she realized she was out of the cardboard-esque crackers she's been eating and was forced to eat an actual piece of bread toasted with butter - sometimes referred to as toast.

As she suspected they would, in swooped the weight watchers points monitors shouting "TOO MANY POINTS. YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!" and Richard Dawson said:

Then there was the whole lunch time Chinese food debacle.

Again with the swooping in of the Monitors of Heft screaming, "TOO MANY POINTS WE TELL YOU!!! THERE WILL BE A PRICE TO PAY!" Richard Dawson gave our heroine the second:

X

Then there was an innocent salmon and spinach salad for dinner that some mean chef threw a handful of pecans and a piece of crumbled bacon into, rendering the whole salad a gross error in judgement.

The weight spies were beside themselves, yelling about the points. Richard Dawson provided the third and final strike.

X

The Seinfeld Soup Nazi said:

Her Royal Highness, The Queen of England said:



And the crowd went WILD:




Lady Flabina, overcome by the royals, developed a new embarrasing celebrity crush:




Meanwhile, back at the house of joy, an unsuspecting Googler from Brooklyn, New York stumbled upon this web site when searching on the words "home remedies for stab wounds."

(Probably because of this post.)

Lady Flabina would like to save the day for the guest from Brooklyn by suggesting this:

or perhaps this:

If you find these recommendations unduly harsh, please feel free to save the world from the further wrath of Lady Flabina by going directly to your kitchen, baking a berry cobbler and bringing it over because The Lady Flabina is HUNGRY.