I do not have a heartwarming Mother's Day tale to relate other than that The Mayor threw a HUGE, ENORMOUS FIT at the hardware store because Mommy said it was NOT o.k. for him to walk up and down the aisles swinging a closed golf umbrella like a helicopter propeller over his head. For my MOST EVIL EDICT I was rewarded with nearly an hour of hysterics. Without concern for the FACTS in this case, wee Rooster Girl joined the noise making in solidarity with her brother. Oh. The. Joys. How they mount.
Yesterday morning I got up and with great enthusiasm made a shopping list to re-stock the casa with essentials like diapers, baby food, etc. I planned, without remorse or apology, to go to the new Super Wal*Mart and troll up and down every aisle tossing things in my cart willy nilly. As I drove there I felt giddy with the promise of unchecked American consumerism. As you might predict, I spent hundreds of dollars on what would best be described as a cart load of crap. Driving home I felt cheap and tawdry – used and discarded after a one-night stand with the Monster of Consumption. Alas.
Driving home I passed someone with this bumper sticker:
Possum: The Other White Meat.
It reminded me of the last time we went to visit my cousin Kathy in New Jersey. K and I were driving around looking for Appomattox or Powhattan or Susquehanna or whatever her street is called when we passed “Opossum Lane.” Like two confused hound dogs, both our heads tipped to the side. Silently, and at the same time, we both thought, “Opossum… opossum… what the hell is that?” It took a full two minutes for each of our ‘raised-Yankee’ consciousnesses to connect the dots… Carn sarnit! We've been living in the South too long opossum is the ACTUAL name of the critter.
Fourth and Final Morsel
Behold! The Count and Contessa de Nudietown. See them look on as The Master of Depoopification, also known as He Who Does Not Live in Spain, depoopifies the tub for the THIRD time. Thanks and praise to The Contessa for her voluminous, underwater contributions.
(Note to myself: Remember to warn The Contessa about getting too relaxed at her first adult hot tub party.)
Can I get in trouble for posting this photo to the INTERNET?
Thursday, May 18, 2006